First Try
by lara6
Summary: Rating just in case. Sirius is on a mission for Dumbledore and gets into trouble. Now everything depends on Remus... My first try in fanfiction. Title-suggests are welcome! Please R&R!
1. Caught

Chaught  
  
Carefully the black dog sneaked further towards clearing, making soft crunching noises in the fresh snow. Sniffing the cold winter air it fouhgt the urge to sneeze to remain unnoticed. The scent was stronger here and the canine was sure that it's target was near. It had been tracking that scent for neerly three weeks now and if everthing went smooth it would never have to hide as a dog again. 'cause IT was the most wanted dark wizard in the world (ok, make that second most, right after Voldy). Sirius Black. Convicted murderer, coldblooded madman and stinking traitor. At least, until he got the rat he was hunting.  
  
Sirius was on a mission for Dumbledore with his partner and friend Remus Lupin. According to the information their spies hat given them, the dark forces were planning attacs on agents of the light side. The orders from their master who would be aimed next were passed on short meetings between the Death Eaters. And that was for what Sirius had been waiting the past three weeks. Not only could he prevent another murder that would be disguised as accident by the unbelieving ministry, but also could get the chance to free himself from the charges against him.  
  
Normally his friend, who happened to be werewolf, would be with him, but the reason he was alone was looming in the sky and casting everything in milky light. The fullmoon. Remus had to stay at home, saved by the Wolfsbane-potion but still not daring to go with Sirius. The risk that he could bite somebody, not because of the wolf, but of his own anger towards his old friend, was just to great. And biting somebody, even if it was a Death Eater, would be a sure deathsentence for him the, ministry would be happy to perform.  
  
Padfoot stood silently behind a snowcovered tree, observing the clearing and searching for the tiny animal. His ears perked up as a cloaked figure appeared on the other side of the clearing, obviously searching for something, too. The Death Eater didn't dare to move out of the camouflage of the trees. He, or was it a she, slid along the line of trees and kept looking around. Carefully Padfoot crouched down and changed back into Sirius. Still hiding he reached for his wand and waited for the figure to come nearer. He knew Pettigrew was somewhere near him, Padfoots nose couldn't be fooled so easily. He had to wait to see whom he was meeting, what information they had and than track Wormtail down and get away as fast as possible.  
  
The figure was now standing just a few feet from him and a faint rustle that meant that his old friend had just trandformed. Then he heard a man speak: "Well, what does the Master say?" Sirius knew this voice, the name was on the tip of his tongue. A high, squeaky one answered. "Fletcher is on their side as well as Figg. And Wood, too. She might have a few things to say as she's in the fool's inner circle. His Lordship wants as many of them alive, we could use some more information." The fat little man was staring around nervously. "About the ministry? Well, that won't be too difficult. McNair should know about that." McNair? So he was a spy! Interesting. Sirius listened closely. "More about the Order, you idiot! If His Lordship wanted to know about the ministry, he would read the paper!" Good one, that, even for little Peter, Sirius silently admitted. Avery, he suddenly remembered the name, scowled. "Right, I'll do what I can. But it'll be hard to get a spy beneath them." "We'll manage." Pettigrew smiled. "Last time we did, remember?"  
  
Sirius fumed but stayed silent. So proud of us, aren't we? You're going to pay for that! He watched Avery disapparate and Pettigrew turn. Before the traitor even knew what happened, the other Animagus launched foreward and tackeled him to the snow-coverd ground. Sirius disarmed him and held the other man down with his wand pointed at Pettigrew's head. "Nice to meet you, Peter. Still meeting with old friends? You have to understand that I felt left out." Pettigrew had gone paperwhite and stared at him in shock and horror. "No Padfoot, you can't kill me. Just have mercy, let me explain!" he shrieked. "Oh, I won't kill you, don't worry. The Dementors will have much more fun with you alive, you know?" "You can't do that. Please Sirius, have mercy, I'll do everthing! Please!!"  
  
Sirius didn't reply, it cost him enough not to blast him to pieces. He laid an Anti-Animagus-spell over him and tied him up. He was about to apparate when he felt a wand pressed firmly to his neck. "Oh, I don't think so, Black. He is a worm, that's true, but we still need him though." Shit! Why the hell did he need to come back right now?! "Put your wand down andthan lift your hands." Sirius did how he was told. "Good, now stand up." Sirius slowly stood up. As he felt the wandtip being moved away from his neck he pushed back and threw himself and Avery to the ground. As he fell he transformed into Padfoot, scrambled up and ran as fast as he could. Curses missed him by inches as he dodged around a tree and ran faster. Without looking where he was going he raced down a hill. This time he wasn't so lucky. A Stunner hit him and he toppled down the rest. As he hit the ground with a sicking crack everything went black.  
  
A/N: Well, I named the story "FirstTry", 'cause I couldn't think of something better. If anybody has suggestions, inform me, I'm interested in any ideas.  
  
And have mercy with me, this my first try at something only distantly related to fanfiction! I swear I gave it my best shot! 


	2. Hope

I can't believe I forgot. Anyway, if anybody out there thought the characters or situations belong to me: NOPE! Not mine at all. Everything property of J.K.Rowling.  
  
  
  
naughtynat: Thanks for reviewing, I'll hurry to go on, promise. (Sorry I erased your review, but it was really encouraging, please keep reviewing!)  
  
kat: Thanks, I'll try! (Did you ever read "Im Westen nichts Neues" by E.M.Remarque?)  
  
Now enjoy the next chapter:  
  
Hope  
  
Remus was pacing the room restlessly. He was in the body of the wolf, but thanks to the Wolfsbane-potion Severus had made for him he had kept his mind. And was worrying himself sick. He knew that Sirius could take care of himself, but he still wondered, if it had been clever to let him go to that mission alone. What if something happened? If Sirius needed help? The wolf stopped pacing and flopped down to the ground. Ears flat he sighted and laid his head on his frontpaws. Sirius would be back soon. At the least he would come back in the morning, knowing that his friend worried for him.  
  
Sirius had been reluctant to leave his Remus on a fullmoon himself, but Dumbledore had been right. This was a rare chance and they couldn't afford to miss it. And with the potion Remus would be fine, both of them knew that. Remus also knew how much Sirius had craved a chance alike. Now or never.  
  
Slowly he opened his eyes. His vision was blurry and he vagualy remembered what happened before he lost consciousness. He was still lying on the white forestground. The Stunnig-spell had seemingly not hitten him with full force and was wearing of quickly. But were had Wormtail and Avery gone? He blinked and tried to sit up. Searing pain shot through him radiating in his rihgt leg. He whimperd and sank back.  
  
"Hey, did you hear that?" Sirius looked up in panic. They were still searching for him. Fuck! Holy fuck, why now?! "I think it came from over there." That was Avery. "Stop thinking, you already messed up enough!" "Who let himself be catched by him, huh? We wouldn't be in that mess if you weren't such an idiot!" The voices were drawing nearer. Sirius pressed himself to the ground and tried to ignore the pain throbbed in his hindquater. "We should search down there" he heard Pettigrew say. "Yeah and chase another squirrel for half an hour through the snow! Forget him, he probably appareted away." "But..." "Stop it, we're going back!" "..."  
  
The argueing went quiter and two soft pops told Sirius they were gone. Or so he hoped. Just remember last time, he thougt grudgingly as he tried to stand up again. Finally on his feet he began his long way home.  
  
Moony looked out of the window. The great silver orb was hidden by heavy clouds and swirling snow, but he knew it was setting. He shivered at the thought of being out there, even with his thick fur to protect him from the cold. I just hope Sirius is alright. He should be back by now. Remus tried to distract himself but found it hard with each passing hour.  
  
Sirius fought to stay awake. He knew that falling uncoscious in the snow would proof fatal. But trotting through the white mass was tiring and the wound was drawing all his strengh. The cold had already bitten through his coat and his sensitive nose was frozen. Keep going, just keep going, you're nearly there.  
  
He could see the sky reddening in the east, the sun would sun be up. It'll be warm soon, just keep going, he told himself.  
  
Remus groaned and sat up. The transformation hadn't been too painfull, the potion had tended it somewhat, but it still took quite some strength out of him. Rubbing his eyes he stood up and stumbled in his bedroom to get a few clothes and got dressed. The sun had already risen and was now shining in the grey sky. Heavy clouds were gathering in the nord. It would be snowing soon. "Sirius?" he called, still hoping to find his friend asleep on the couch, snoring softly. "Sirius?" Remus tried again. No answer. Fuck! So he was still out there. And probably in trouble. He knew that Sirius would't stay away that long without letting his friend know. He had to find him. God alone knew what a mess he might be in. threwing on his heavy cloak he went out to search.  
  
The big black dog was barely moving. Padfoot was lying in the snow, desperatly trying to get up. "You can't stay here you idiot, you'll freeze to death! Get on your feet and move on!", he mentally screamed at himself, but his body wouln't cooperate. The throbbing pain from his leg was now spreading through his whole body and the cold begann to paralyze him.  
  
Something stung at his nose suddenly. Again. And again. Looking up at the dark grey sky he saw the little white flakes swirling down on him. Great.  
  
"Just get up and keep walking, you can't give up now! Get up, please!", the voice in his head begged. "Get a grip on yourself, you're nearly home! Come on!" Sirius tried to haul himself to his feet again but failed miserably. His vision started to blurr and clouded over. The pain became even worse. Wasn't the snow supposed to numb him enough so he wouldn't feel it? His thoughts started to drift away. He vagualy heard the voice calling out for him. His own mind pleading him wouln't help, he knew. And then he remembered nothing.  
  
His heart skipped a beat as he saw the black shape lying in the snow. Remus rushed forward. "Sirius! Sirius can you hear me?!" He fell to his knees beside him, shocked by the sight before him. Sirius seemed to be unconscious. Or so he hoped. His black fur was frozen and clung to his thin body. The right hind leg was broken. A piece of bone was sticking out and the wound was bathed in blood. How he managed to walk like that was beyond Remus.  
  
He quickly took of his cloak and carefully wraped Sirius in it. Lifting him up he craddled the Animagus to his chest and appareted home. 


	3. Healing

kat: Thanks. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE Sirius, but I don't think he'll be alright anytime soon. (Nevermind, it's just that your Pen Name reminded me of my fav-charakter of that book.)  
  
Sunny: Sure I will, thanks for Reviewing.  
  
Woop: Hehe, at least you tried. Everything clear now?  
  
Healing  
  
Closing the door with a swift kick behind him, he gently laid the dog on the couch next to the fire place. He needed to get him in human shape first. Kneeling down beside the couch he pulled his wand out and waved it at his friend, muttering "Enervate!" under his breath. Padfoots eyes opened into slits and he gave a soft whimper. "Sirius? Hey, do you understand me? You need to transform Pads, come on." He was talking in a quiet, soothing voice, stroking his friend's head lightly. "It'll hurt even more if I do the spell. Just try." Padfoot closed is eyes again, seemingly trying to concentrate but nothing happened.  
  
Probably too weak, Remus sighted and pointed the tip of his wand towards the dog once more. A blue-white flash of light erupted from it and hit the Animagus. Padfoot made a screeching noise and the next moment Sirius was lying on the couch. His face was contorted in agony and he was breathing hard, trying to suppress a cry of pain.  
  
  
  
Sirius was numb with cold. The voices were distant and unclear, as if he was under water. He only understood bits and pieces, some loud and clear, others muffled by the fog surrounding him. ".to transform...even more...spell." Without thinking he did as he was told. Or tried to. Still his body refused to act. He only succeeded in stirring the pain up again. The throbbing was dulled by the chill but the next thing he knew, was, that it sparkled brilliantly to life.  
  
"Sirius? Do you hear me? Come on, just give me a sign!" It was Remus' voice, he realised, and it was much clearer now. He opened his eyes and peered up at him. Remus laid a hand on his face and smoothed his hair back. It felt hot against his cold skin. "We need to get you warm, you're ice- cold." Sirius enjoyed the feeling of the werewolf's skin against his own and his eyes slid shut. He heard soft whisper, probably some spell. He found himself not caring about it.  
  
The hands shifted to the nape of his neck and gently lifted his head. He felt a glass being placed at his lips. "You need to drink this, Padfoot. It'll bring some warmth into you." It was difficult to swallow, but as the thick liquid slid down his throat into his stomach, it left a hot path, spreading slowly through his body.  
  
  
  
Remus removed his cloth magically, sparing Sirius more pain. He could heal scratches, maybe some of the deeper cuts, but that was over his head. He spread a blanket over his friend's naked form and stroked his cheek reassuringly. "It's alright, everything's going to be ok. Try to stay awake, I'll be right back, ok?" The Animagus nodded slightly.  
  
"Incendio!" The wood caught fire and the flames leaped up. Golden light illuminated the room and the warmth of the fire spread quickly. Taking some powder out of the small pot on the mantelpiece Remus threw it in the flames and they turned bright green. "Professor Dumbledore? You there?" The headmaster's head appeared in the hearth, a look of concern on his face. "Remus! How was the full moon? Is Sirius back?" Remus nodded grimly. "Yes Sir, and not in very good shape, I'm afraid. I found him lying unconscious in the snow. He's hurt rather badly and I fear he has gone into shock from the pain and the cold. He needs to see Madam Pomfrey." ,he said and peered over to the Animagus, whose pale face looked sickly green in the light of the magical fire. Dumbledore stayed silent for a moment then nodded. "I'll be there with Poppy as soon as possible. Do what you can in the meantime." "Sure. See you then."  
  
With a pop the old wizard's head and beard disappeared and Remus went back to his friend. He conjured up a bowl with hot water and a few towels. Wetting them he laid the compresses onto Sirius' chest and stomach. Dark eyes opened and Remus began stroking his face once more. The skin was still clammy, he was shivering slightly. Pulling the blanket tighter around him Remus leaned down and started talking to him so he wouldn't fall asleep.  
  
"Better now? Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey will be here soon and then we'll take care of your leg. You have to stay awake, Sirius, at least until Madam Pomfrey arrives. Do you understand me?" The black-haired wizard nodded weakly und sunk deeper in the cushions. Remus carefully cleaned his face with a wet cloth and went on: "I'll send Harry an owl, he's probably worrying himself sick." Sirius eyes snapped open once more and he looked at the werewolf shocked. The thought hadn't occurred to him and a wave of guilt swept over him. It wasn't Harry's fault all this had happened, he shouldn't suffer from it.  
  
Feeling that he had hit a nerve Remus smoothed his hair back and laid a warm hand on his shoulder, preventing Sirius from moving too much. "It's ok, I didn't mean to upset you. Harry's fine I'm sure." Sirius still made an attempt to sit up, but gave a cry as the pain shot through him again. "Lay back, you're only making it worse. Here." He rearranged the blanket around him.  
  
The wards gave alarm. Someone had apparated just outside and was now approaching the door. "Lie still, I'm right back.", he told Sirius and went to answer the door. He pulled out his wand, just to be on the safe side. Flinging the door open Remus aimed it at the intruder.  
  
Albus Dumbledore and a very pale Madam Pomfrey stood on the doorstep, the snowing having become a storm and white flocks were racing through the air. The old wizard gave a small smile that didn't reach his concerned eyes. Feeling a bit stupid Remus lowered the wand and bate them to enter. "Can't be careful enough these days.", he murmured. "He's over there.", he added, interpreting the Headmaster's frown correctly. Madam Pomfrey, abandoning her slightly scared expression, rushed over to Sirius.  
  
Remus was about to ask if she knew about his friend's innocence, when he heard a screech. Spinning around he saw the mediwitch stumbling backwards and Sirius trying to sit up, his face contorted in pain, fear clearly shown in his grey eyes. "That murderer! Remus, are you mad to keep this traitor in your house?! Don't you remember what that monster did to Lily and James?!" Sirius, distressed by the screaming woman in front of him, tried to scramble away helplessly.  
  
"Poppy, NO! Calm down, I will explain everything to you!" The Headmaster strode over to her. "You said the injured was an agent from our side!! Don't you know a Death Eater when he stands in front of you?!" Dumbledore took the witch by the shoulders while Remus rushed to Sirius' side to prevent him from moving any further. His eyes had gone blank and he was shaking, if from the chill or from shock Remus couldn't tell. Blood was streaming from the open wound now. The Animagus was obviously distraught by both pain and panic.  
  
Holding Sirius the other man spoke up to Madam Pomfrey. "Listen, he's innocent, you have to believe us. It's a long story and we'll explain it to you. But first you have to help him, he needs medical attention." She turned to look at Dumbledore, who nodded and loosened his grip on her shoulders. "It's true Poppy, Sirius isn't the one to blame for the events of that Halloween-night and all those deaths that followed. I can assure you that he has been a true follower of our side, and not just since we learned of his innocence."  
  
Madam Pomfrey looked over at the two friends then back to Dumbledore. Taking a deep breath she nodded her head and said: "Alright, I'm sure you know what you are talking about." She observed Sirius with a strange expression on her face. He was staring right back, uncertain what to think, blanket only covering his lap now.  
  
The mediwitch's eyes fell on his leg and went wide. Suddenly she seemed to have forgotten about him being a murderer, instead she ordered Remus to get clean bandages and began rummaging in her bag. While she pulled out several bottles and vials, Dumbledore went over to Sirius. "How are you doing?", he asked, gently pushing him down and pulling the blanket around his trembling form. "Did you find Pettigrew?" Sirius nodded his head weakly. "Nearly had him, bu' his companion cam' back 'little ta earle." The words came out slightly slurred and his throat sounded sore. "Hid me with a Sdunner an' I broke m' leg when I fell." He tried to go on but a sharp cough-attack cut him of.  
  
Dumbledore carefully lifted his head and let him lean to the side to sooth the coughing. Madam Pomfrey looked up worried and started to clean the wound. It looked rather scary with that piece of bone sticking out and she was sure it was hurting like hell. Sirius confirmed her thoughts as he winced and tried to suppress a whimper. He made a faint attempt to speak again, but this time Madam Pomfrey mildly forced him down.  
  
"Whatever you want to discus, it can wait. You need to rest." She pushed the long bangs out of his face and felt his forehead. The Animagus was developing a fever. She made sure he was lying still and went on washing blood and dirt from the wound. Remus came back with the requested bandages. Placing them on top of the mediwitch's bag, he knelt down beside Sirius to comfort him. After some minutes the dark-haired man drifted to sleep.  
  
  
  
Sirius looked up at the woman suddenly standing over him. Wasn't that .....Madam Pomfrey? Funny, she looked exactly like she had in his Hogwartsdays. But before he could think any further her scream awoke him rudely out of his thoughts. He tried to sit up and the pain began to pound through his veins once again.  
  
"That murderer! Remus, are you mad to keep this traitor in your house?! Don't you remember what that monster did to Lily and James?!"  
  
Murderer. Traitor. Monster. The words rang in his ears painfully. His chest tightened as he thought of Lily and James. The pain those simple words brought back was enough to distract him from the physical torture his leg was practicing on him. He felt panic rising in him and his mind swept back to Azkaban. Back to the screams, the cold, the horrible nightmares. They would take him back, they wouldn't believe him! He wanted to get up, to run, to simply get away.  
  
Only faintly realising the pain radiating from his leg he felt arms wrapping around him, holding him in a warm, comforting embrace. Hands soothed and stroked his face and rubbed his back, shooing away the wave of cold settling over his heart. Slowly his racing mind calmed down and he tried to focus on reality. Remus was there, holding him. Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey stood over there, talking. He realised that Remus was talking, too. The mediwitch was looking at him. Confused and still anxiously he looked back.  
  
His senses still didn't cooperate rightly. It was hard to understand what they were saying and his head started to hurt. He noticed that the arms around him disappeared and instead of Remus' he heard Dumbledore's voice next to his ear. "How are you doing?", he asked quietly and Sirius felt something warm sneaking around his torso. The mere presence of the old wizard soothed his nerves and calmed his fevered mind.  
  
"Did you find Pettigrew?" The name sent a jolt through his brain. He remembered that he needed to tell Dumbledore. Nodding his head he started to speak but his tongue felt heavy. "Nearly had him, bu' his companion cam' back 'little ta earle." He tried to swallow to get rid of the burning in his throat. A lump was forming in his lunges. "Hid me with a Sdunner 'n I broke m' leg when I fell..." he tried to speak clearly but his tongue didn't obey. Irritating his bronchus too much as he drew a sharp breath the cough broke loose and it felt like his throat and lunges were on fire. He was eased on his side and the fit subsided, leaving his respiratory passages burning.  
  
Catching his breath he tried to relax as Madam Pomfrey carefully applied some purple liquid on the wound. It began to smoke and was stinging. Sirius winced and tried not to let the whimper out that was forming in the back of his throat. He shifted and opened his mouth to speak again but Madam Pomfrey cut him of. "Whatever you want to discuss, it can wait. You need to rest." She laid a hand on his forehead, that felt nicely warm against his clammy skin.  
  
Remus was back soothingly started to stroke his face again. The candles that had been lit seemed to blink at him friendly and the warm was finally getting through his cold flesh. His eyes grew heavy and lost himself in the pleasant sensations.  
  
  
  
After nearly an hour Madam Pomfrey was done and Remus levitated his friend in the bedroom next door. Pulling the covers over Sirius sleeping form he made sure that the door was slightly ajar so he would be able to hear him. A sight escaped his lips. Sirius had been living with him for a half year now and still the intensity of the nightmares he got frequently hadn't lessened. Azkaban still hadn't lost it's grip on him and it tore Remus heart apart to see his friend in such distress. 


	4. Explanation

I take it, that nobody bothered to review because .. Well I don't really know why, but you know what?! I will go on with it and nobody's going to stop me! (A few Reviews would still be nice. *Pouts* Oh, and flames are welcome, too)  
  
Now enjoy the next (really short) chapter:  
  
Explanation  
  
Back in the living room Madam Pomfrey was eager to hear an explanation. "Well? What is going on and why do you believe he's innocent? Albus you said he was their secret-keeper yourself!" Dumbledore bowed his head and answered in a heavy voice: "Yes, and the price for that error was very high. Too high. It is true that I testified against Sirius. And that I believed him guilty until the end of the year Remus was teaching at Hogwarts. I think you remember when young Mr. Potter claimed that Sirius is innocent?"  
  
The mediwitch seemed to do so vividly. "Oh, but the poor boy was totally confused. The Dementors might have had that effect on him, or he was shocked by seeing Remus transform..." Remus swallowed, guilt welling up his throat. He had often imagined what it would've been like, if he hadn't forgotten his potion that night. "...or Black could have used a Confundus Charm on him." The Headmaster shook his head. "I spoke to him and his story made completely sense." "And who committed those murders if not him?", she asked, frowning.  
  
"Peter.", Remus spoke up. "Peter Pettigrew. He was the spy. He traded Lily and James and he murdered those muggles." Madam Pomfrey looked at him. "But he was killed! And how could he have known where the Potters were hiding? They were using the Fidelius Charm, weren't they?" "That is right, but Sirius wasn't the Secret-Keeper.", Dumbledore said, sipping at his tea. "James decided to switch on Peter, because it would be the last thing anybody would suspect. As we have seen. Peter was the spy we were trying to protect them from. And when Sirius found out what had happened, he hunted the traitor down." "So it was Pettigrew who had been lacking all the information before?" She slowly started to see where all this was leading. "Exactly. When he was cornered in that street, he screamed that Sirius was the traitor. Taken aback Sirius didn't see the attack come. It was Peter who killed all those Muggles. And he framed Sirius as he escaped." Madam Pomfrey seemed to have difficulties to take up that amount of shocking information.  
  
"But the finger.....they found his finger....and how did he get away without anybody noticing?" She glanced at Remus, who had been listening silently while nipping at his teacup. Without looking up he answered: "He was.....is an Animagus. Just as Sirius is. And James was. They became Animagi when we were in school, in fifth year, so they could keep me company during the full moon. Sirius and James helped Peter and after three years they managed.  
  
When Sirius cornered him, Peter blew up the street and cut his own finger of. Then he transformed and fled. Leaving Sirius to take the blame." This time she didn't say anything. She just stared at the werewolf as if pleading him to tell her it was a joke. How could they have made such a mistake? This man had been in Azkaban, completely undeserved. She felt her face heating up as she remembered what she had screamed at him. That blank look in his eyes. "Oh my.....God. How.....so.....so Pettigrew was....." She didn't know what to say.  
  
"He's been with me since last summer. He got injured on his last mission. I should owl Harry, Sirius told him I would." Remus got up and fetched some parchment and a quill and looked fir his owl. The mediwitch still sat stunned at the table, a now cold cup of tea in her hands. Dumbledore laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. "We all made that mistake and grieving won't help him now." She looked up at his stern expression. "We should see what we can do for him at the moment." Nodding her head she stood up as well and went to check on Sirius.  
  
Now alone at the table Dumbledore looked at his hands thoughtfully. "They would have wanted us to take care of him, too."  
Madam Pomfrey entered the dark room silently and lit some candles. Remus had drawn the curtains shut so the light of the afternoon sun was blocked out. She stood beside the bed and observed its occupant thoughtfully. The events of the past hours were still racing through her mind. Albus rushing in the hospital wing, telling her that one of their men had been injured seriously. Letting her pack up some stuff and then apparating with her to Remus' house. She had thought that the werewolf might have hurt himself during his transformation.  
  
Discovering the supposed murderer then had been quite a shock. And discovering the truth an even bigger one. Now she felt oddly guilty. For all the trouble Sirius Black had caused together with James Potter and Remus Lupin back at school, she had liked the boy much. He'd always cared about his friends, never abandoned Remus because of his Lycantrophy. And she had found it hard to believe he had been the traitor. But now it seemed even harder to believe he was innocent.  
  
The witch laid a hand on Sirius' forehead. His temperature was slightly raised, so at least he wasn't cold anymore. Hopefully the wound hadn't been infected. He was lucky he hadn't gone in shock. He was sleeping soundly. She checked him over, her thoughts gliding back to his undeserved imprisonment. Surrounded by Dementores all the time. Poor thing. How had he survived this mental torment for such long time?  
  
Noticing the faint scars on his arms and chest her brow furrowed. The white lines on his wrists stood out despite the pale colour of his skin. Examining him further the frown deepened as she saw his rips sticking out. Half a year should've been time enough to gain back some weight. Maybe it was the stress, after all he was still on the run. His leg was healing nicely, it should be done in a few days.  
  
Stroking the hair out of his face she put out the light and left the room.  
  
A/N: And, what did you think? (I liked it, but I don't think anyone cares) Please R&R!!! 


	5. Long Night

Yes, I'm still alive and I even managed a new chapter! (Me thinks it's pretty good, but that won't interest too much of you, right?)  
  
Sylvia: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, I like that sort of stories, too!  
Long Night  
  
After Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey had left Remus sat down next to Sirius bed. He'd made himself a cup of fresh tea, he wasn't sure if his stomach would hold any food now.  
  
The mediwitch had told him, that the fever would probably go worse, as well as the cough. She'd given him some Pepper Up Potion, some for dreamless sleep and others against the fever. The Animagus should rest for the next days.  
  
Drinking his tea Remus watched over his friend, lost in thought. Sirius was still too thin, his cheekbones standing out sharply. One could still count every single rib, but at least he wasn't looking like skeleton anymore. The reason for his bad bodily shape wasn't malnutrition, quite the other way around, Remus was making sure his friend got more than enough to eat. The vivid nightmares were to blame for his thinness.  
  
Sirius would wake up screaming nearly every night, nauseated by the visions of his bad dreams. He almost always was sick afterwards and the mere smell of food would made him puke his guts out. Remus didn't mind the mess, it was cleaned of quickly with a flick of his wand. The toll it took on the other mans body was worrying him much more. He had already tried Dreamless Sleep Potion, but taken too often that stuff made addictive. Relaxing baths or teas didn't help either and secretly Remus knew that it wouldn't. He was well aware of the fact, that his friend would need much more time to get over the past.  
  
He put the cup down as he finished his tea and leaned over to stroke the hair out of Sirius face. He had a slight fever and was turning over every now and then. Still, he didn't seem to be troubled with any dreams. The sun was setting and Remus let out a yawn and settled back in the comfortable chair. A few minutes later he drifted to sleep.  
He opened his eyes, wondering what had awoken him from his peaceful slumber. The storm had started raging again, snow twirling in front of the window madly. The branches of a tree next to the house were knocking against the glass and the wind whistled loudly as it blew through the bald twigs. Remus got up and stretched out. Rubbing his slightly cold hands he sat down on the edge of the bed.  
  
Careful, as not to startle him awake, he laid his hand on the Animagus' forehead. Sirius was still asleep, but his temperature had risen, painting his cheeks pink. In the faint light of the candle beads of sweat were glittering on his skin and his damp hair stuck to his neck and face.  
  
Remus wetted the washcloth lying on the nightstand and placed it on Sirius forehead. The other man moaned quietly in his sleep, but didn't awake. Remus wondered how far Bright, his tawny owl, had come in this weather. He was very fast but not half as intelligent, making delivery somewhat difficult sometimes.  
  
James and Sirius had gotten him the owl for his twentieth birthday. "And how should I name him?", Remus had asked as he had opened the cage to let the bird out. He flew straight into Remus' birthday cake, letting out a slightly panicked hoot as the cream stuck his feathers together. "How about Bright?", Sirius had commented dryly. He smiled at the memory. Even after fifteen years the owl wasn't showing senility. At least not physically.  
  
Remus sighted and turned his attention back to his friend. His breath was somewhat uneven and little coughs were disturbing him every now and then. "Sirius?" He laid a hand on his sweat slick shoulder, rubbing softly. "Padfoot, are you awake?" Sirius led out a moan and turned his head away, coughing. Remus rummaged through the glass vials and bottles on the bedside table and after some search pulled out a little, dark blue tin. He unscrewed the top and rubbed the creamy white balm on Sirius chest to sooth the coughing. He seemed to enjoy the caress, relaxing under the werewolf's palms.  
  
Remus pulled the covers back over him and went in the kitchen. He started making some broth. He was getting hungry now and figuring that Sirius should eat, too, he cooked something digestible. He also made some fresh tea, while he waited for their meal to get warm.  
  
When he went back into the bedroom with a tray holding their dinner and tea, Sirius was sitting upright in bed, sheets pooling around his waist. He was shivering slightly, looking around with blank eyes. Remus frowned and put the tray down. "Sirius? Are you alright?" He didn't seem to hear him, but continued to stare of in space. Sitting down beside him Remus laid an arm around his shoulder, shaking him gently. "Sirius?", he tried again. The Animagus turned towards him, looking at him with hollow eyes. He made quiet grunting noises as he tried to suppress the coughs.  
  
"Oh dear." Remus picket up the discarded blankets and wrapped them around Sirius again. He pushed him down gently. The cough broke free this time, racking his body violently. The high temperature seemed to bring the old memories back up with the fever dreams. Mixing a dose of the Fever Potion Madam Pomfrey had given him in Sirius' bowl he sat down on the bed and cradled the other man to his chest. Supporting his head he held the dish to his lips and let him sip the broth slowly.  
  
After some swallows the dark-haired wizard sank back into the warm embrace, spent. His breath came out in short gasps. Remus put the wet washcloth back on his face and slung his arms around him. Hugging him he began to murmur soothing words while Sirius cuddled to his chest and coughed lightly. The werewolf let out a sigh. This was going to be a long night.  
The heat was unbearable. He felt as if he was burning up from the inside. The air around him was cold, but in no way comfortable. Breathing was hard and it hurt in his lunges. Sirius coughed, trying to get rid of the awful lump in his sore throat. He only succeeded in making the burning worse. He felt something on his shoulder, than on his chest. It wasn't as warm, but the cool sensation wasn't unpleasant either.  
  
Sirius head was pounding, but the hands on his chest soothed the distress, making him relax and forget. The heat was still there, but not as intolerable as before. He drifted back to the dark.  
  
Or was the dark drifting to him? It was funny, but the black wall seemed to move towards him, only to draw away again. And it was moving. Something in or before it was stirring. But that wasn't right somehow. Sirius groaned inwardly. It was so hot, making it hard to think. The shadows came nearer and suddenly something cold swept over him. Icy cold, making him stiff and immobile. It didn't last long, his skin felt incredible hot again and the dark shadows became tinted slightly red. He didn't now why, but the visions frightened him.  
  
His skin was burning, inside icy cold clamped over his heart. He couldn't move, the shadows were drawing nearer sending jolts of panic through his paralysed body. He simply stared in shock.  
  
"Sirius?" The nice, comforting hands were pulling him back, shooing the fearful shadows away. Moony was there, Moony was taking him away from the shadows. The cold melted away as the warm comfort surrounded him. He had to cough again, it left a sensation like fire in his throat. His friend soothed him, a mild spicy smell flowed through the air around them. Sirius felt something warm being placed at his lips, the liquid was thick and moderated the burning. He nuzzled closer to the body protecting him. Soon he began to drift again, Moony staying at his side and chasing the darkness away.  
Remus watched over his friend for the next two days. He was tossing and turning feverishly while he drifted in and out of consciousness, murmuring in his dreams, violent coughing-fits racking his already weak body. The werewolf let him sleep as much as possible, only waking him every few hours to give him something to eat or drink and changed the bandages while Sirius was asleep.  
  
The wound had probably been infected and the cold had done the rest. Remus was staying in bed with Sirius most of the time, the body heat helping him to relax and comforted him with gentle words. The Animagus seemed calm whenever he felt Remus next to him.  
And? What do you think? Was it good? Or bad? Or just poorly done? Really, that interests me! So please review! 


	6. Nightmare

As you might have noticed I had a few problems with the layout. On the site it always looked totally different then in Words. Right now I'm experimenting with it, so it might take a while until it looks the way it should. I hope you still take the time to have a look at this:  
  
Thanks to all reviewers, I was so happy when I checked my mailbox a week ago!  
  
kat: Thanks, yes I will!  
  
Jet-10: You're right, it's stupid formulated. Thank you for noticing!  
  
Heather: Thank you! Yeah, I'll try.  
  
Sylvia0: * blushes * Thanks, I'm really trying hard. Well, I thought of it as strong friendship, but I don't really care how you interpret it. I'll think about it, but I won't tell you more! (  
  
A.Dee: * blushes even more * You think so? Oh, well, thanks for reviewing. As for Sirius: I don't have the feeling he'll be.  
  
Dani0: I'm sure I won't stop, if so many people keep reviewing! Thanks for your review, too!  
  
Nightmare  
  
Sirius awoke from the nightmare, a cry tearing from his throat. His chest was heaving and cold sweat was running down his skin. Willing the images away he wrapped the discarded covers around himself and curled into ball. Resting his head on his knees he tried to calm his racing mind. It had just been a nightmare, nothing more. Just pictures and memories his brain had conjured up in the fever. Everything was ok.  
  
"Sirius?" His head snapped up. Looking around he saw the figure leaning against the doorframe. Remus. Now he was sure everything was alright. Moony was there. He smiled, relieved to see his friend, his presence comforting him. "Was it a nightmare?" Sirius nodded. "Yeah, but I'm ok. I thought I was back in Azkaban, but I feel fine." He saw the shadow nod. "Good. Very good." He was still standing at the door, robe hanging down his thin shoulders, face hidden by the shadows. Sirius frowned at the cold voice his friend was using. And he still didn't seem to want to come nearer. Nor did he intent to leave.  
  
Sirius started to feel uncomfortable. The darkness suddenly bothered him. He'd never heard Remus speak in such an icy voice before. He sat up further, his eyes never leaving the werewolf's face. "Um...and you? Do you feel alright?"  
  
This time his friend made a step forwards. "I'm feeling great, why?" His voice grew deeper somehow and he heard him inhale loudly. Sirius found himself edging away slightly. The breathing got louder and the room seemed to become colder with every step Remus took forward. The Animagus still couldn't see his face, it was hidden by shadows. He felt panic creep up inside him. Remus came nearer. He was speaking slowly, the rattling sound now unmistakeably.  
  
"But you don't look fine, Sirius. You're deathly pale." No emotion was shown in his voice. "You think a kiss would take care of that?" The figure extended its arm and laid a hand on Sirius shoulder. Freezing cold shot through his body and he looked up sharply.  
  
In the face of a Dementor. He screamed but no sound came out. He desperately tried to get away, but the icy grip of the Dementor held him steady. "Do think it would help? Do you Sirius? Sirius?" He closed his eyes, fighting to get away, heart pounding in his ears, panic wrenching an agonized scream from his sore throat.  
  
"Sirius?! Sirius!!!" "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Remus shook him for all he was worth. "Sirius, wake up, it's a nightmare! Padfoot, hey!!" He slapped him hard across the face. Sirius choked, the pain stirring him back to reality. His eyes flew open, his hands gripping Remus' wrists so tight it hurt. The Animagus' breath hitched and he started coughing. Remus led him lean against his shoulder until the fit passed and he could breath again. Carefully the werewolf peeled the hands of his wrists and began to stroke them. "Shh, calm down. You were having a nightmare." Sirius stared at him with fever bright eyes, fearful and confused. His lunges were burning. He was trembling, shaken from both shock and cold. Remus gently laid the blanket over his shoulders and pulled him in a hug.  
  
Stroking the dark, sweat damp hair and rubbing Sirius' back he murmured reassuring words to the Animagus. "It's alright I'm here. There're no Dementors, Padfoot, don't worry. It was just a nightmare, you're safe. I won't let them take you back. Shh, it's ok." Sirius breath returned to normal, but he was still warm with fever, Remus noticed. Wetting the cloth he pressed it to Sirius' forehead to cool him down.  
  
The Animagus slowly awoke out of his shock-like state. He was breathing deeply now, chest heaving with the effort. "Moony?", he croaked, trying to swallow the dry lump in his throat. "I'm here, Sirius, everything's fine. Do you feel better?" Sirius nodded weakly. "Good. Here.", he said, holding a water glass to his lips. He gulped the cool liquid down hurriedly. "Hey, hey, slowly now! You'll choke on it, be careful." Setting the glass back on the table he sat against the headboard, so Sirius could lean against his chest. He pulled the covers up to the Animagus' shoulders.  
  
"How do you feel Padfoot? You look deathly pale." Remus felt his friend tense up at his words. "Hey, what is it? You ok?!" Sirius was taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. "It was the dream, right?", Remus answered for him, sounding sadly. "Yeah...I-I saw you there and you w-were saying e- exactly the same. And then y-you became a-a Dementor and..." He inhaled deeply again, shaking slightly. Remus nodded silently and hugged him closer.  
  
He reached to the bedside table and filled the contents of a small flask into the water glass and held it to Sirius' lips to drink. "'m not thirsty anymore.", he muttered groggily. "It's Dreamless Sleep Potion.", Remus said quietly. There was a moment of silence. "Thanks Moony." Without talking further Sirius swallowed the potion and settled down at his friends chest. Sleep overcame him the next moment.  
  
A/N: Why am I always doing this to him? Poor Siri, he's my most favorite character after all. 


	7. Morning

Alright, I decided to give Sirius a break and tried to write something funny. Tell me if you don't think it is.  
  
And a BIG THANKS to all you reviewers!!!  
  
kat: Yes, he really does. I hope I didn't overdo it with my Sirius-torture. Thank you for reviewing, I'm happy, that you are still reading this, it feels good to have a loyal reviewer!!! Thanks!  
  
dani: I'm really happy to know, that I'm not the only one, who's that mean to him! ( Thanks for reviewing!  
  
mette: Thank you. Yeah, as I said, I didn't know, too.  
  
karno-L: Yes, poor Sirius. * sigh * Thanks!  
  
Hpfan1928: Thank you, yes I'll try. And no, this won't be slash, I've grown very fond of the idea of Siri and Remy being very close friends. (Sorry!)  
  
Sylvia: Oh, you think so? It was damn hard to write, but I'm happy you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Morning  
  
The next morning Remus awoke with something heavy pressing down on his chest. Opening his eyes he realised he was still sitting against the headboard, a sleeping Sirius snuggled up to him, snoring quietly. He smiled at the sight.  
  
Bright sunlight was flooding the room. Wondering how long he'd been sleeping he shifted Sirius gently on the bed and got up. He craned his neck, wincing when it cracked loudly. The snowing had stopped and the white ground was reflecting the sunlight. Everything was quiet and he started to put on some fresh clothes, still gazing out of the window. Maybe he should owl Dumbledore in case something had happened. A low moan startled him out of his thoughts. He turned around and went over to the bed.  
  
Sirius stirred slightly and the grey eyes fluttered open. Remus leaned over him and felt his forehead. The fever had gone down over the night. He peered into his friends eyes. "I'll be right back Padfoot, ok?", he said and gently pushed the damp bangs out of his face. He made his way to the bathroom to get fresh water and some tea from the kitchen.  
  
He felt something lying on top of him. It was warm. Too warm in fact, it was rather hot. The sweat made the sheets stick to his body uncomfortably. His head hurt, but at least the pain in his leg had lessened. He tried to move out of the cocoon he was trapped in and let out a groan when his aching muscles screamed their protest. Opening his eyes he saw the blurry face of Remus looming over him. A cool hand settled on his forehead.  
  
"I'll be right back Padfoot, ok?". Remus' voice was gentle and he tried to nod. He stopped immediately when the blood started to pound through his head violently again, making him feel as if a hippogriff was galloping around in it. The hand left him and the nice cool with it. Closing his eyes he sank deeper in the pillow, trying to get rid of the headache.  
  
Soon he heard light steps approaching, figuring that Remus was back. The soothing voice was back, too, but he couldn't make out the words. A wet cloth was placed on his forehead and a few water drops ran down his cheeks and nose.  
  
Sirius enjoyed the sensation but gave a startled gasp as the clammy sheets were peeled of his body and morning chill attacked his skin. "Sorry Pads, I didn't mean to startle you." Sirius cracked his eyes open again, peering up at Remus. His vision was clearer now and he could see his friend grin. "But I thought you could use sponge bath."  
  
Remus held up another washcloth and his grin widened. He carefully placed the cloth on Sirius' thin chest and started to clean his arms, face, neck and torso. The Animagus groaned again and tried to push the offending, cold garment away. "Hmnn...Moony sdop id. This' cold." His tongue was still just moving sluggish.  
  
Though he understood Sirius' words perfectly Remus ignored him and went on to rub the tender skin gently. The other man chuckled. Remus' grin went from wide to evil. Still touching his skin only lightly the werewolf moved the washcloth up and down Sirius' sides. The chuckle became a giggle and the dark-haired wizard squirmed away and rolled over. Remus tried to keep a straight face and turned him on his back again.  
  
"Hold still.", he huffed, managing to sound serious. He started to wash his friend again, not so gently this time. Sirius clamped his arms to his sides and tried to curl his legs up to his belly, but Remus was quicker. He sat down on Sirius' tights, washcloth still in his hand, water dripping down on Sirius' stomach. With a huge effort the Animagus propped himself up on his forearms.  
  
"I thought I told you to hold still.", Remus said, now chuckling himself. "Moony please! Ged off o' me, ya know 'm ticklish!" The werewolf raised an eyebrow. "Oh, do I?", he asked innocently and started to "wash" him under the arms again, forcing Sirius to collapse back onto the bed, now laughing loudly.  
  
The "victim" fought against the hands torturing him but gave up soon, screaming with laughter. Remus was giggling as well, tickling the defenceless wizard, who was squirming on the mattress and laughing madly. "Moooooooonyyyyyyyy!! Stop it, stop it, pleeeeeeeease!!!"  
  
Eventually Remus grew tired of the game and decided to have mercy on his friend and got off of him. Both were panting and grinning. "Madam Pomfrey's going to kill me. She said you should rest. ", Remus gasped and pushed Sirius back on the bed to emphasize his point. The Animagus led himself flop down on the mattress, grin still plastered on his face. "Was worth a good laugh.", he smiled, willing his breath to calm down. At least he managed to speak clearly now. "Hm, as long as it's me, you mean? On the other side, maybe I should go on to keep you happy.", Remus thought loud and held up the washcloth threateningly.  
  
Sirius eyes widened. "No, please Moony. You can't do that, I'm completely helpless!" He pointed at his bandaged leg and looked at him with puppy dog eyes. Remus expression grew serious. "Yes, we should have a look at that.", he nodded and sat down on the end of the bed. He reached out, but Sirius edged away from his hand. Again he looked up at his friend questioningly. "No tickling?", the dark-haired man asked suspicious. The smile crept back and Remus shook his head. "No tickling, promise." Satisfied Sirius relaxed and let him peel the bandages off.  
  
Remus knew that Sirius was ticklish. He also knew that the wet washcloth would feel awfully uncomfortable on his hot skin. And he knew that Sirius wouldn't be able to defend himself. Of course he couldn't resist.  
  
He put the water bowl on the nightstand and placed a wet cloth on his friends burning forehead. Pulling the blankets off Sirius he noticed that the sheets were damp with sweat. The morning chill, that now penetrated his hot skin, made Sirius jump a little. "Sorry Pads, I didn't mean to startle you." His friend opened his eyes and peered up at him sleepily, seemingly not interested much. "But I thought you could use a sponge bath."  
  
He showed him the washcloth and grinned. When he brought it down and still got no reaction he started to wipe it all over his arms, trunk and face. A groan. "Hmnn...sdop id, this' cold.", the Animagus slurred. Ah, not so uninterested now, are we?, he thought, but didn't react to the request otherwise. This was going to be fun.  
  
Sirius chuckled slightly, obviously still determined not to give in. When the werewolf started to rub his sides he began to giggle and turned away. This won't help you, Remus thought and rolled him over again. "Hold still.", he said, trying hard not to let the grin sound in his voice. He attacked Sirius under the armpits, making it clear, that he wasn't attempting to clean his friend anymore. The other man started to curl up, but he was quicker.  
  
Sitting on his tights he prevented him from moving away. Sirius propped himself up on his forearms and it seemed he was thinking of a way to get the mischievous werewolf off his legs. Remus enjoyed his position. "I thought I told you to hold still.", he remarked. "Moony please! Ged off o' me, ya know 'm ticklish!" Sirius Black, lying beneath him and begging for his mercy. That was too good.  
  
"Oh, do I?", he asked, grinning down at him innocently. Before Sirius could do anything else, he was tackled again, the laugh now breaking free. It didn't take long to win the little fight his friend put up and Remus tickled him merciless. He also enjoyed hearing his fellow marauder laughing. This was doing good to him as well as it did to Remus.  
  
"Moooooooonyyyyyyyy! Stop it, stop it, pleeeeeeeease!!!" The Animagus trashed out, going off into violent fits of laughter. After some time Remus grew tired of the onesided game and let go off his friend. Trying to catch his breath he gasped: "Madam Pomfrey's going to kill me. She said you should rest." He pushed Sirius down, who was still grinning and said: "Was worth a goo' laugh." Remus raised a brow at him. "As long as it's me, you mean? On the other side, maybe I should go on to keep you happy? He waved the washcloth at him.  
  
The threat worked, making Sirius shrink away. "No, please Moony. You can't do that, I'm completely helpless!", he whimpered, pointing at his leg. Yeah, right. That wasn't funny anymore, he thought, the grin vanishing from his face. "Yes, we should have a look at that." Sitting down on the bed he reached over to Sirius' leg, but he shrank away further.  
  
Frowning he glanced at his friend questioningly. "No tickling?" As he realised, that his friend was asking earnestly, he had to smile. "No tickling, promised." Waiting for Sirius to relax he started to take the bandages off carefully.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: And here goes chapter 7! I really hope you liked it. I think I need to think up a good plot, so you can read a real story, not just some randomly ordered thoughts without any connection! Tell me what you liked, didn't like, hated, ect. I'm really trying to improve!  
  
And as always please review!!! 


	8. Owl Post

After my first attempt at being funny I thought it was time for some angst again. Or at least a try at it. I think I made Sirius a bit too . . . dunno, hysteric? Well, I hope you tell me what you think about it. And I hope I'll manage to make a proper layout sometime.  
  
kat: Thank you! Yeah, that's a good idea, I thought about something similar! I'll try to get some more "good-natured-main-character-torture" into it!  
  
A.Dee: Thanks! Well, I tried to write the same thing from two points of view, but as usual the layout-thing didn't work with me. I'm so dumb! (Err . . . what does "rn" mean by the way?)  
  
Sylvia: Thank you for reviewing! I really don't mind if you right that much, do you have any idea how good it feels to get that much feedback? Anyway, the "sitting-on-legs-and-still-being-able-to-move-thing" really was bad, I noticed when I reread the chapter after getting your review. For the other thing, I often feel that way in the mornings . . . but I'm abnormal anyway, so you're probably right. Thank you for reading that carefully!  
  
mette: Oh, you think so? Just read this chapter and you probably won't think that way of me anymore. (Pity though! I'm such a nice person . . . )  
  
Someone Reading: Yes, I like that kind of stories, too. (Even if I'm really fond of good slash *clears throat* ) Hmm . . . really? Good, I'll think of it in the future. Mind to tell me what I did wrong? I got the impression I really need a beta.  
  
Now enjoy the next chapter (while I think up something good to happen next):  
  
Owl Post  
  
"Ow. That hurts." Clenching his teeth Sirius tried to suppress another whimper. "It wouldn't, if you were lying still." Remus sighted and went on cleaning the wound. Ok, maybe it would still hurt, but he would be done much quicker. As the potion stopped smoking, he put fresh bandages back on. The gash was closing rather quickly, a few more days and it would be as good as new.  
  
"Done. Now lie still, I'll ." He stopped as a faint 'Buff!' could be heard downstairs. He got to his feet and went to see what had caused the noise. In the doorway he turned to Sirius, who tried to sit up and inspect his leg. "And you lie down and don't you dare to move until I'm back!" The Animagus didn't seem to listen and went on fingering the bandages. Remus sighted. "Pooh! Bad dog." Sirius looked at him with a frown, but before he could even start to argue with the werewolf , he was gone, calling "Sit! And stay!" over his shoulder. With a sigh he flopped back onto the mattress and crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
With his wand drawn Remus carefully snuck around the corners and peered into the kitchen. The wards hadn't given alarm, so it wasn't very likely that a Death Eater was lurking behind his refrigerator. Still, you never know.  
  
But to his relief there weren't any Death Eaters or Dark Overlords hiding in his cupboards. As he peeked out of the window, he saw Bright, his tawny owl, sprawled on the ground, hooting softly. Obviously he had tried to fly through the closed window. Again. Remus shook his head and levitated the bird onto the kitchen table. There was a letter tied to his right foot and Remus recognised the loopy handwriting as Dumbledore's.  
  
He took the letter and laid the owl onto his cage. He read the letter as he went back to the bedroom.  
  
Remus, I need you to come to Hogwarts immediately. There has been another attack. Phillia and Thomas Wood were killed two days ago, their son Oliver was not at home; he is at Hogwarts at the moment. The other Order members will be here, too. You can use the Floo Network to come here. Dumbledore PS: I hope Sirius is doing well.  
  
As he entered the room Sirius' head shoot up and he looked at him expectantly, obviously wanting to make a remark about the "Bad dog."- comment, but the grave expression on his friends face shut him up. Without another word Remus handed the letter to Sirius and sat down in the armchair beside the bed.  
  
Sirius scanned the words while a heavy weight slid into his stomach. Wood. An icy thrill shot down his spine as he stared at the name in horror. Wood. Pettigrew had said that they planned to attack them. And he hadn't warned them!  
  
"No. No, no, that's not true! They can't. they.", he murmured, as if trying to will the pictures of some gruesome nightmare away. He gulped as a lump was forming in his throat. He had known about their plans, if he had told Dumbledore they would still be alive! Why hadn't he ignored the mediwitch and warned them? All the time he had been lying in bed he could've told Remus! But he hadn't done anything and now they were dead because of him! It was all his fault! He as good as killed them! He killed them!!!  
  
Remus frowned as he watched his friends expression turn petrified. Sirius was clutching the parchment so tightly his knuckles turned white. His hands were shaking and his gaze became empty and blank. He had only seen his friend react that way, when he had told him about his nightmares sometimes. He sat down next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to understand the words he muttered under his breath. "Padfoot are you ok? Hey, I'm talking to you!" He shook Sirius slightly to get his attention.  
  
The Animagus turned towards him and looked at him with wide eyes, his breath hitching. "I killed them Moony, I killed them! It's all my fault, I didn't say anything!" Now the werewolf was really worried. "What are you talking about; you didn't do anything!" Actually that seemed to be the wrong thing to say, cause as soon as the words were out Sirius broke down completely. He collapsed against Remus and sobbed in his shoulder unrestrained.  
  
Remus was shocked by this outburst. What the hell was going on? What was he talking about? He felt panic creeping up in him, too. The blood pounding in his ears, all he wanted to do was shake Sirius to get him to tell what was wrong. Taking a deep breath he forced himself to calm down. He needed to keep a clear head. Sirius needed him now.  
  
Remus wrapped his arms around the Animagus and held him tightly, rocking back and forth and tried to sooth him down. Sirius was hyperventilating, the hiccups catching in his lunges. The coughing was back, making it hard for him to breath. Remus was stroking his back gently. "Calm down Padfoot, we're going to sort this out, nothing's your fault, do you hear me? Come on, try to breath deeply. Sirius, take a deep breath!"  
  
After a few more minutes Sirius had calmed down enough to talk. "I didn't tell Dumbledore. They're dead because of me! All I needed to do was to warn you, but I didn't do it!" Remus was catching on slowly. "Tell what, Sirius?" The dark-haired wizard breathed evenly now, tears still running down his face. "I heard them, Moony. I heard them saying they were going to go after the Woods for information. About the Order." His eyes became wild once more. "And Figg and Fletcher!" "What?!" "They will attack them, too! Maybe they already are! We have to warn them!" Obsessed by fear and guilt Sirius scrambled up and ignored the pain spasming in his leg. This was important.  
  
Remus awoke out of his trancelike state and gripped his friend by the shoulders roughly. He forced Sirius to lie down and meet his eyes. "Listen now, I'll contact Dumbledore and warn Arabella and Mundungus. YOU will stay in bed and be still, do you hear me?" Surprised by the commanding tone the werewolf suddenly used Sirius nodded and obeyed.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
Impatiently Remus waited for the old wizards head to appear in the flames. If they acted quick enough they might just save the lives of two more important Order-members. He was ripped out of his thoughts by a faint 'pop'.  
  
"Oh, hello Remus! Why aren't you." "Professor, you have to warn Arabella and Mundungus immediately! Voldemort is planning a attack on them!" Dumbledore looked at him with a slightly alarmed expression. "How do you know?" "Sirius told me. He overheard Wormtail and the other Death Eater talking about it. They are going to press them for information about the Order."  
  
The Headmaster shook his head quickly. "Alright, I'll warn them immediately. Try to get to Hogwarts as fast as possible, the fireplace in Minerva's office is connected to the Floo Network for the next three hours. I see you two." With that he disappeared.  
  
A/N: So? How was this? Too trashy? (Do you even use the word like that?) Too short? Please, please, PLEASE TELL ME!!! (I know, no need to yell.) See you next chapter!  
  
lara 


	9. Meetings

*Sigh* I know, I'm far too slowly. But I eventually managed to think up a good plot! Well sort of, need sort some details. So here you go with the next chapter, enjoy!  
  
kat: Thanks for reviewing! You're probably right, but then I would have to hurry up with updating. (Yeah I know, I should hurry up anyway . . .)  
  
mette: Thanks! Hm . . . I sometimes do that, too! : )  
  
Sylvia: Thank you for reviewing that much. Ok, what to answer first? Well, I don't plan to give up anytime soon, and I really try to update the story as fast as possible. As to that Sirius problem, you already figured out yourself, so I think I don't need to explain again. My English only improved because I read fanfics the whole afternoon when I come home from school. I don't pay much attention in my English classes, actually that's when most of the chapters are created. : ) That's why many people think I'm rather strange, but I think it's cool to be a freak! (Especially when it comes to Sirius!) And don't worry, I don't mind long reviews at all!  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! Yes I know, I should be upset, it's my fault 'cause I wrote it! Poor Siri! I'll keep that in mind, because there's no dictionary that explains how to use that word exactly. Thanks again! Well, I asked, because in the e-mails I get when my story received a review the sentences are always parted by "rn". Is that normal or am I just stupid?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Meetings  
  
For a moment Remus sat still, sorting his thoughts. He let out a sight and got up. Back in the bedroom a started to collect things they would need. Before Sirius could ask he handed him a set of warm wool robes. "Here, get start getting dressed. I'll help you in a second." Still in a haze Sirius did as he was told, or rather tried to. The wound in his leg still stung when he moved too quickly, which proofed to be hindering.  
  
With a packing-charm Remus stacked clothes, books, papers and similar utensils in his suitcase before turning to Sirius to assist him in arranging the robes. "Can you stand up? You just need to make it to the fireplace." Sirius paled visibly as he, supported by his friend, got to his feet. "Floo powder?" Remus rolled his eyes as grabbed their stuff with his free hand.  
  
Since his first journey by Floo powder Sirius had hated it. He had been six years old and got lost somewhere in muggle London, because he had pronounced "Diagon Alley" wrong. It had taken hours until a witch noticed the small child crying in a side street, unintentionally turning the glass shards before him into transparent butterflies, shimmering green or brown. She had taken him to the Leaky Cauldron, back to his tear drenched mother.  
  
"Come on, your old enough to manage." The werewolf threw a pinch of the glittering powder into the flames, which turned emerald green. He stepped into the roaring fire, pulling his friend with him gently. "Hogwarts, Minerva McGonagall!", he shouted in a clear voice. Sirius closed his eyes as they were sucked through the fireplace, the wild spinning irritating his already weak stomach.  
  
The two landed with a thud, Remus grabbing Sirius arm, so he wouldn't fall over. The Animagus was trying to cough the ash out of his throat, a loud rumbling coming from his stomach. The tawny-haired man raised an eyebrow at him. "Hungry?", he asked and tried to suppress the smile that was tugging at the corner of his lips. Sirius shook his head forcefully, clamping a hand over his mouth.  
  
"Oh Remus, there you are!" They both spun around at the sound of the female voice. Standing before them, black-grey hair in a tight bun, square-rimmed spectables sitting on the tip of her nose, was the Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts: Professor Minerva McGonagall. She smiled at them, but there was an odd look in her catlike eyes. The werewolf saw his friend wince as he met her gaze. He felt uncomfortable under it, too, but decided to ignore it.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore asked us to come and." She nodded and started towards the door. "Yes, Albus told me. You may get your things to your quarters and go to his office after that, he's already awaiting you." Sirius changed into the great black dog in case they met a student in the hall. The Transfiguration professor favoured him with an approving glance before turning around. She led them to their rooms and Remus was thankful as she slowed her pace, noticing that Sirius was limping behind.  
  
The walk to Dumbledore's office was much shorter as the two Marauders used one of the many secret passages that led to the Headmaster's quarters. The meeting room of the Order was next to his office and all other members were already there. Well, nearly all. The eyes of many were lying on the two empty chairs, that stood side by side and whose owners would never occupy them again.  
  
A few looked up as the two young men entered. Most of the other Order members were the same age as the Professors McGonagall and Flitwick. They found their seats at the round table and sat down quietly. Some of the witches and wizards gave Sirius dark looks, daring him to make a wrong move so they could blast him to pieces, just like they assumed he'd done with Pettigrew. Although Dumbledore had explained the whole situation to everybody, not everyone believed the dark-haired wizard innocent.  
  
The Animagus slumped forward slightly and lowered his gaze to the table, avoiding the eyes still glaring at him. Remus' warm hand appeared in the small of his back, rubbing in smooth, circling motions. It took his mind off the mean looks.  
  
Dumbledore strode into the room, drawing the attention to him by his mere presence. He sat down next to Professor McGonagall. "You all know why I called you. Again we've lost two loyal fighters of the Light Side. Phillia and Thomas were murdered by servants of Voldemort, and at least to more could have followed if we hadn't been warned about the known targets."  
  
Dumbledore made a pause to look Sirius in the eye, but the Animagus quickly lowered his gaze. He hadn't taken the old wizard's words as a praise, like it was meant. With a hard voice his conscience reminded him, of the possibility to save them, that it technically was his fault, that the Woods were dead and their son now an orphan. He didn't notice the thankful looks in Figg's or Fletcher's eyes.  
  
Remus frowned at his friend, making a mental note to talk some sense into him later as he turned back to Dumbledore. "So the Death Eaters are showing themselves openly now, even if the Ministry still refuses to call it a war. Our only chance is to act now and get as much information about their plans as possible. All we now know, is that Voldemort still tries to kill Harry Potter." Sirius winced at the name of his godson. Another orphan. Because of him. "Harry is the only hurdle he has to get over to reach immortality. And Harry is the only one who's able to defeat him. That means we have to find a way to protect the boy and at the same time give him an opportunity to defeat Voldemort."  
  
The little speech left everybody in the room silent. Nearly everybody. Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody cleared his throat. "And how are we supposed to do this, Albus? Trying to kill Voldemort is as suicidal as kicking a nesting Horntail's ass! How are we supposed to protect him?" "Do you have another idea, Mad-Eye? What other chances as Harry do we have?", Mundungus Fletcher, a stocky man with a frayed grey moustache, who liked to smoke his pipe, replied sternly.  
  
"What about trying ourselves?", Moody snarled. "Sure, let's see if that bastard is still immune to the Killing-curses of mortals", a tall witch with long blond hair and piercing eyes snapped at him. Another wizard to the right of Flitwick scratched his messy mop off mouse brown hair and said: "Maybe he's right. What if You-Know-Who's still weak enough for a normal person to finish him off?" "Right McGriffin, if he was, he wouldn't first gather strength, just to give us a chance to win this war!", a man with bald head and long beard answered.  
  
"He's only too strong, if he has his supporters around him.", Remus stated. "If we could find a way to strip him of these we might have a chance." "That's a great idea, Lupin. The question's just how we're going to do this" "If I would know, I would've told you.", the werewolf replied and rubbed his temple. Old Mrs. Figg spoke up: "Even if we managed, he's still recruiting. There are running more then enough young Know-it-alls around for him to bring in his wake."  
  
"And if we get them on our side first?" "We'll have loyal supporters until the end.", came the sarcastic answer from Snape. "If we start binding them by fear like he does, we can unite with him in the first place!" "So what are we going to do, wait until it's over because he commits suicide?!" "Or until another Boy-Who-Lived defeats him?" "Let's face it, our only real chance his Potter.", Moody croaked.  
  
"Sure, so why don't we start to recruit fifteen-year olds and train them to mini-Aurors and let them fight this war for us?!" The room went quiet as Sirius nearly shouted the comment at the meeting. He had felt anger and fury well up in him during the debate, in the end it let him forget the looks he'd received earlier. Only over his dead body would someone decide if his godson should die for the rest of the world or not! And he would do this for any other child. They were just kids, dammit! They shouldn't have this fight this bloody war!  
  
Nobody dared to meet his glare now. It was Dumbledore who spoke up again. "So we're coming to the conclusion that we have to find another way. And that we only have a chance if we work as close together as possible. The first thing we have to do is making the Ministry see, that Voldemort has risen again. We have the giants and the werewolves as allies and useful sources of the going-ons in Voldemort's lair. We need to figure out how to wreck his plans quickly and effective."  
  
The Headmaster waved his wand and a small silver mirror appeared in front of every member of the Order out of thin air. "You know how to use them, the password his "flubberwormooze". If anybody gets an idea I wish to be informed immediately. You're dismissed."  
  
A/N: I'm so proud of Siri, he's going to get over all these mean people! At least I hope so. So how was that? Confusing again? I really tried to make my thoughts clear, but I usually think more quickly than I write. So if there are any mistakes or unclear thinks please inform me! See you all next chapter!  
  
lara 


	10. Guilt

Hello, are you still there? Good, 'cause I wanted to excuse myself another time for being so slowly. I'm very busy in school right now and don't have much time to write. I also plan to translate this fic into German, because some friends of mine don't understand the English version. (Sounds funny, but I prefer to write in English much more than in German.) So it might take some time until I'm done with the next chapter.  
  
As always a BIG THANKS to EVERYONE who reviewed!  
  
daniz: Thank you! Yes, of course that's how we could clear it all up! But it's much more fun , when the have to solve all possible and impossible problems first! At least it is for me. I know, that's selfish . . . But I love Sirius too much to let him go on like that forever.  
  
Sylvia: Thanks! Yeah, I know how I want to write it now, at least most of it. Well the trick is, that I don't concentrate on those classes at all. And my teacher's happy with it, 'cause she's been doing the lessons with me while everybody else didn't pay attention. After some time she got irritated and told me to stop putting my hand up if she asks something. *shrugs* Pity that they changed our timetable though; we only have two lessons per week now . . .  
  
karno-L: Thanks for reviewing! You're right, that's not very nice and there is more angst to come. I liked it, too!! : )  
  
mette: Thanks! Don't worry, the secret will be revealed! And no, it's not because they want to look good while facing the evil!  
  
dumb bomb: Nice name, are you pointing at something? And thanks, yeah, I'll try!  
  
karno-L: Didn't I answer you already? Oh, that was chap.8! Err, thank you, and yes I think it's gonna be good!  
  
kat: Thank you for reviewing! Yes, he really needs it. Especially in this chapter!  
  
Justin: Thank you! Does it have to do something with the age?  
  
caromausi: Thanks, I hope you got farer than chap.3 by now. And I will keep it on, don't worry!  
  
A.Dee: Thanks! Hm, but the site isn't translated. Do you have funny symbols in my reviews? *shrugs* Who cares!  
  
Now enjoy this chapter:  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
GUILT  
  
Back in their rooms, Sirius shifted to his human form and inspected the mirror Dumbledore had given them. He had no idea what it was, let alone how to use it. It seemed to be an ordinary small silver mirror, which would be used to check one's reflection.  
  
"Ah yes, you wouldn't know what to do with it." Remus was standing in the doorway, a bemused expression on his face. The Animagus looked up at him questionally. He moved a bit so his friend could sit on the couch, too. "It was developed about six years ago. It's called a "handy". You take something with a thin end and write a message on the surface. Look."  
  
He took a pencil from the table and began to scribble across the mirror. Where touched it left dark lines. "Flubberwormooze", Sirius read, remembering the Headmaster had told them, it was the password. The lines melted away into the smooth surface, as if something sucked them in. Then a shimmer darted across it and the word "running" formed.  
  
That word, too, melted away. Remus wrote onto it again. "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good!" This time the writing didn't disappear. The werewolf paused a moment. Then he added "phoenix" under the note, which melted almost instantly.  
  
"That's Dumbledore's codename.", he explained unnecessarily. "The names of the other Order members are also registered. That thing knows where to send it when you write the address on it." He fell silent as the shimmer darted across the mirror again. "It shimmers like that if you have a mail. Just write the password", he scribbled "flubberwormooze" on it again, "and it shows the note." The handy did so as he spoke.  
  
"I hope your friend is, too.", it read. Sirius shook his head. "Who gets such ideas?", he asked amazed as he took the small mirror and pocketed it. The tawny haired man shrugged. "Dunno. But I don't really care, as long as it works." He stretched and slumped back, snuggling into the cushions comfortably.  
  
His friend did the same and let himself fall against Remus' shoulder. "How's your leg?", the werewolf asked. "Doesn't hurt anymore. Just if I move much.", Sirius answered, not noticing the other's frown. "Maybe you should see Madam Pomfrey. It should be ok by now."  
  
The Animagus stiffened. He really didn't want to go to the infirmary and meet the mediwitch again. He hated the mistrusting looks other people gave him, even if they had Dumbledore's word, he was innocent. The harsh voices he was spoken to in or the cold tone they'd use. Sometimes it made him believe he actually was a criminal.  
  
He sighted. Remembering how he'd been sure people would see that it had all been a misunderstanding. That he hadn't intended to hurt anyone. He had really thought he could have his old life back, could forget Azkaban, all the nights he'd spent lonely and in despair. But with each passing day, with each nightmare that woke him screaming at night, with each damming look from people he'd thought would believe him that hope cracked a bit more. And now it was close to break completely.  
  
The feelings and memories he'd been suppressing all the time started to well up, together with the accusing whisper of his conscience. From that point of view he really was. In the end it was him, who had failed his friends. Hadn't he given James his word, that he would take care of his godson, if anything happened? What had he made out of this promise? Harry was growing up, with just an occasional letter or short visit from his godfather. Not the way it should be. Because of him.  
  
Just as the death of Harry's parents. The deaths of all those muggles. The fact, that Remus had been alone for more than twelve years, avoided by other people because he'd once been friends with the murderer. That Wormtail had gone back to his master and helped him rise again. That the Wood-boy was an orphan now, with his parents killed by Voldemort. He'd always had the chance to stop it, and every time he failed. Why did he make all the people around him suffer?!  
  
Remus noticed the sudden change in his friend and, guessing what had caused it, pulled him into a warm embrace. He tightened the hug as a quiet sob wracked Sirius' body and tears fell down on his robes. Holding the black haired man tightly he rocked him in his arms like a small child. Sirius just cried into his shoulder quietly, not saying a word or making any sounds. After an hour or so he fell asleep in the comforting arms.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus shifted his friend on the couch and covered him with on of the blankets, that were lying in front of the fireplace. Sirius' somewhat labile state of psyche was worrying him really now. A nervous breakdown twice a day was a bit much, even considered the undeniable traumatic experiences he'd gone through.  
  
He would talk to Dumbledore about this, 'cause it was obvious that Sirius needed help. But first he would take care of something else. Making sure the Animagus was sleeping soundly he tiptoed out of the room and made his way down to the dungeons.  
  
A cold "Come in!" was sneered as an answer to his knock. He went into the Potions master's office and closed the door behind him. Snape was sitting at his desk, grading tests. He looked up at the werewolf as he stood in front of the table, waiting politely for him to speak.  
  
"So? What do you want? You won't need the potion for a fortnight." Black eyes stared at Remus through a curtain of greasy, coal hair. Remus shook his head. "No, I wanted to ask you to brew another potion for me." Snape raised an eyebrow at him. "And that would be?", he snarled icily.  
  
"Dreamless Sleep Potion.", the reply came softly. This time both eyebrows shoot up. "And you're sure it's for you?", Snape asked silkily. Remus kept his gaze firmly on Snape's eyes. "Well, not exactly for me.", he stated calmly. "Black." It wasn't a question. "Yes, he isn't sleeping well recently." The Potions Professor looked, as if he was about to make a snide comment, but remained silent, looking at the werewolf as if in thought. Then he nodded.  
  
"Tonight, 8 o'clock.", he said curtly and went on to grade the papers before him again. Remus smiled at him knowingly. "Thank you, Severus." With that he left the office.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sirius woke up with a start, a shudder running down his spine. It took him a few minutes to realize that he was at Hogwarts, not at Remus' anymore. The nightmare had been less vivid than at other times, but it still left him cold and frightened.  
  
Looking around he noticed that he was alone in the rooms he and Remus shared. But where did his friend go? He sighted and fell back on the couch, trying to remember what happened before he fell asleep. He felt his face and neck flush at the memory. This was so embarrassing, as much as it hurt. The memories simply didn't let go. Or he didn't. Couldn't.  
  
Sirius shook his head; he didn't want to think about it now. He hated to think about it in general. It brought back everything, all the things he'd hoped to be buried deep inside him for the rest of his life. He wasn't sure what Remus was thinking now. Knowing that most of the other people thought he was mad psychopath, he had learned to ignore their opinion. But knowing that his best friend was thinking of him the same way really pained him.  
  
It was getting dark. He got up and searched for his wand, realizing he'd lost it in the forest. He swore under his breath und let himself fall down on the soft rug in front of the fireplace. Pulling his knees up, he stared in the dark hearth and let his thoughts drift again.  
  
Suddenly the fire roared up and he let out a startled yelp as he scrambled away. With a pop the head of Professor Dumbledore appeared in the flames. He seemed to be surprised to see Sirius there, but smiled at him nonetheless. "Sirius! How are you feeling?" The Animagus blinked, somewhat confused. "Err . . .fine, thanks." He mentally kicked himself for being so smart. "If you want to speak to Remus, he's gone. Don't know where though. . ."  
  
Dumbledore shook his head. "No, no, I wanted to talk to you. Remus has been with me a short while ago." Sirius swallowed uneasily. "Oh?", was all he managed to get out. The Headmasters face grew sober. "He's really worried about you. And me, too, after what he told me about your dreams." The young man felt his heart sink at the statement. He was somewhat embarrassed as he lowered his eyes to the floor. "Sirius." The stern voice made him look up again, a heavy feeling in his stomach. Dumbledore watched him, the twinkle in his blue eyes gone. "No one forces you to go through this alone. Don't hesitate to ask for help, do you hear me?" His voice was gentle and Sirius knew that he was just trying to do his best. Still those feelings didn't let go of his heart. He remained silent for a few minutes, breathing hard as he tried to suppress tears. Were did they come from anyway?! The last thing he needed was to collapse crying on the floor in front of the Headmaster.  
  
Dumbledore sensed his discomfort. He let out a small sigh as the Animagus avoided his eyes again. "Good night, Sirius. Sleep well." He nodded. "G'night Professor." The black haired man only looked up as the old wizard had vanished, his throat very tight. He sank back into thoughts for another while.  
  
He winced as he heard the door open with a creak and soft footsteps neared. Remus paused as he saw the discarded blanket on the couch and his friend sitting in front of the fire. He walked in the room and sat down beside Sirius. He didn't say anything.  
  
After a few minutes the Animagus broke the silence. "So you did talk to Dumbledore?" It didn't really sound like question. The werewolf nodded, resting his hands in his lap. "Yes. He told you?" Now it was Sirius turn to nod. Another few minutes passed.  
  
"Sirius, I didn't want to hurt you. I just . . ." ". . .thought I would freak out again.", the other man finished bitterly. He wasn't mad at Remus, but at himself. In the end it was him who messed up. "No. Yes. NO! I. . .I didn't want to push you any further. I thought it was good if I let you rest. I didn't know what to do." He looked up at his friend helplessly. "This isn't because I don't trust you or think you're not worth it. I wouldn't do this if I believed what they say about you. It's just that I'm afraid you don't want me to help you."  
  
Sirius turned his head, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry Moony.", he murmured, and blinked the tears away. Warm arms encircled him and he let himself sink into the comforting hug. "Don't do that.", Remus said quietly as he pulled him closer. "Don't blame yourself Padfoot. None of that blame is yours." They sat in silence for a while, holding on to each other tightly.  
  
"I can't stand it sometimes.", Sirius began to talk softly. "The way they're looking at me. Or treat me. It makes me feel like a . . .a criminal. Someone not worth to look at. I try to tell myself that they're wrong, because they don't know or understand." He took a deep breath and went on: "But when I see their faces, I just have to think of James and . . ." At this his voice failed. Remus didn't say anything, just listened to his friend and patiently waited for him to go on.  
  
After a while he started to speak again. "I miss them so much.", he whispered. "Every time I remember that night I see him lying on the ground. So empty and . . .dead . . . It all comes back; all the muggles dead and Harry alone, Lily and James gone, you without anyone . . . It's like the first night I spent there, with the Dementors, and all the pictures played through my head. I lied to you. It hurts so much and I could have stopped it . . . I failed them all . . ."  
  
A single tear rolled down his cheek as he stared into the fire, seemingly far gone. Remus pushed the hair out of his face and wiped the teardrop away. "That's not true. You tried you best to save them, in danger of your own life. You would've never betrayed Lily and James, even if they had tortured you, I know that. You've lived through Azkaban in order to keep your promise to James. And that's more then anybody could've asked of you."  
  
He held him tightly as the tears began to stream down his own face. "James would never blame you for this Sirius, and you know it. You've been punished more than enough. Forgive yourself for those past mistakes, you have every right to." The Animagus sniffed and nodded. He cuddled into Remus chest and let out a heavy sigh.  
  
"Thanks Moony."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Puh, five pages! Now I'm really spent. I already toyed with the thought to make two chapters out of it and present a nice cliff-hanger to you or so . . . so I wouldn't need to hurry up with writing the next part that much. But I'm no fan of cliffies, and you probably aren't, too. Hope that wasn't too long, now! *g*  
  
Hm, what else to say? Well, I didn't intend to write a tear-jerker (it's hard to cry 'bout your own stories anyway) I hope that wasn't too mushy. Please tell me what you think of it! See you soon!  
  
lara 


	11. Mission

I'm so dumb! I posted this chapter on Sunday and wondered why no-one was reviewing, and why I couldn't find my own story! I messed up with the settings and accidentally changed the language in Chinese! Sorry for all of you who waited! Here's the chapter as I updated it on Sunday:  
Hello, Do you still know me? I'm that freak who's torturing poor Sirius chapter after chapter. No kidding here, I really am a freak! At least other people say so. Freak . . . nice word, isn't it? . . .  
  
Anyway, here's chapter eleven. I think I'm suffering writing-block or something like that, there's nothing really good coming to my mind recently. Tell me if this chap is crap and if I should stop it, I really think that's shit. Because of that I'm so happy that there are still People who review! THANK YOU ALL!!!  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! Yeah, bad, BAD doggie! And bad, BAD author for making him blaming himself! Do you think I overdid it this time?  
  
Sylvia: Thank you! Yes, I planned to, but I think I should first try go on with the English version. Don't have much time with just two lessons per week . . . Hey, does that mean you read the German translation?! You're right, it really sounds crappy, they shouldn't translate the names. I hate the way they translated PoA! They cut all the moments when Sirius got angry in the Shrieking Shack. I thought someone was kidding me as read the English book for the first time!  
  
mette: Thank you! You think so? Hey, that makes me really happy! Well, Remus told him . . . I think. And it's Dumledore - he knows anything! *g*  
  
karno-L: Thank you for reviewing! Oh, really? Good! I'll try to, but this was the best I could manage! Tell me what you think!  
  
Alright, here goes chapter11:  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
Mission  
  
The next morning Sirius awoke to someone tugging at hair slightly. He opened his eyes and looked around. "Ahh!!" Both he and the big brown eyes jumped as he turned around. They vanished out of his sight as quickly as they had appeared. The Animagus quickly recovered from his shock and was now searching the room for the intruder. Confused he got up and went around the bed. Was Remus playing a trick on him?  
  
As he rounded his bed he found a house-elf crouching in the corner, long fingered hands covering the enormous eyes, that had startled Sirius earlier. "Hey what are you doing here?", he asked, trying to sound friendly. The elf answered in a high-pitched voice: "Sparky is bringing Mister Padfoot Mister Padfoot's breakfast. Me was told to do so by Mister Moony!"  
  
The black haired wizard felt somewhat stupid, not knowing what to say. "Oh . . . err, thank you. That's really nice. Ehm . . .are you ok?", he inquired while he surveyed the strange behaviour of the small creature. "Mister Padfoot Sir doesn't wear clothes.", the elf whispered, almost to soft for Sirius to catch. His cheeks flushed crimson as he realised, that he was standing in front of the elf completely naked.  
  
"Oh . . .sorry!", he stumbled out and quickly put some clothes on. "Err, sorry I scared you. I didn't mean to, really." The house-elf peered up at him through his long fingers as the Animagus arranged his robes. Still avoiding him with his eyes the elf hoppled out of the door in the living- room, where he had stacked the table with foot high enough to feed a dozen giants. "Mister Moony tells Sparky, he be back soon. Mister Padfoot is not to wait with breakfast." Sirius sat down and looked at the little elf curiously.  
  
He and James had often been down in the kitchens, nicking a few snacks at night. The tiny creatures had always welcomed them warmly and with the time their relationship had become very friendly, though it had taken them quite some time to get the elves to stop treating them like gods. He smiled at the memory of the good-natured house-elves warning them more then one time of patrolling Professors at night.  
  
Sparky's high-pitched voice brought him back to the present. "Mister Padfoot Sir needs to eat, or he'll becomes even thinner!" He watched as the elf stacked a plate with food for him. Suddenly he eyed the small, big- eared elf. Could that. . .? No, that was impossible. House-elves didn't live that long, or did they? But it would explain that Sparky kept calling him . . . "Mister Padfoot! Is Mister Padfoot Sir alright?" Big brown orbs looked up at him worried.  
  
Sirius shook his head. "I'm fine, really. Err . . . say, do you remember James?" His eyes light up as the elf knew the name and nodded cheerfully. "Of course Sparky does, all House-elves in Hogwarts does remember Messrs Padfoot and Prongs, Sir! How could we forget, Sir?! Messrs Padfoot and Prongs and Moony always has treated us like friends and has been nice! No House-elf could forget!" Sparky pushed the full plate towards the Animagus. Sirius picked up a fork and started to eat, causing another happy grin to lighten the elf's face.  
  
Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by the door slamming shut and footsteps hurrying towards the room. Remus stomped in, slamming another door as he did so. With a startled squeak Sparky darted away, so quick Sirius didn't see where to. So instead he looked up at his friend questionally. The werewolf was fuming, Sirius had seen him lower his calm, collected mask before and therefore knew to be afraid of the reason.  
  
"Hey Moony, what is it?" With a loud "Flap!" a paper was thrown at the table. Sirius became silent as the paper enfolded itself and the headline in big, fat letters came into view.  
  
"Terror started. Sirius Black murdering for the Dark Side again."  
  
The Animagus stared at the sentence, the blood rushing from his face as he picked the paper up and started to read the article.  
  
"Since his escape from Azkaban the Wizarding World lived in fear of this man. Now, two and a half years later the long awaited strike came. Last Friday Thomas Wood, a half-blood wizard and his muggle-born wife Phillia died in a attack, unmistakably performed by Death Eaters. Experts at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement suspect Sirius Black to have lead the assassination. "We can only guess why he chose them in particular, but what we know for sure is, that he's getting his master back to power. He probably is the only follower of You-Know-Who mad enough to try, and if he isn't caught soon he could manage exactly that." Meanwhile the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, is denying any general wave of dark activities. "It is true that Death Eaters are suspected behind the attack a few days ago. But that is no reason to break out in panic. I am truly sorry for the victims and I can assure you, that we are doing everything in our power to get Black to suffer the fair punishment for his crimes, and stop this terror before it can start again." Since that the security measures in all public institutions have been increased to maximum and leads provided by the public are required urgently. . . ."  
  
At this point the paper slid out of his limp fingers. The black and white pictures on the front-page, with a big, glittering Skull, the Dark Mark, floating above the wreckage of a house, seemed to have been burned in the inside of his eyes, he couldn't see anything else.  
  
Remus looked at his friend's blank expression, already regretting that he had rushed it that much. He should've tried to tell Sirius more carefully and was mentally kicking himself for being so careless. "Sirius?", he said quietly and laid a hand on his shoulder. The Animagus collected himself. "That means they're out for me again." It was no question. Remus winced at the note of fear in his voice. He really shouldn't have to put up with this, too. It made Remus even angrier.  
  
"Yes. I suppose. Dumbledore said we'll have to be much more careful, but he won't let them position guards of any kind at Hogwarts, especially no Dementors." Sirius nodded dimly. "Do you think they'll attack again?" "What?!" The dark-haired man looked up at him. "Do you think they'll attack again?", he repeated. "I mean, maybe they don't know that the other targets have been warned. We could wait for them there and catch them." Remus stared at him, silenced by both surprise and thoughtfulness.  
  
"Maybe we should check your temperature again, my friend. Do you know what danger you're putting yourself into? What if they catch YOU there?" Sirius shrugged. "What do I have to loose?" The werewolf's temper flared up again at the expression, that was now showing on his face. "Your soul for one! Your life for another! And what about Harry? About Dumbledore? About me? Do you want to throw away everything you have?!"  
  
Sirius lifted his head and looked him right into the eye and this time there was no trace of fear or guilt. "But I can't sit here and watch all my chances go by! I could make sure those people are safe! Maybe I could even get some information for the order! I could finally make myself useful!" Their voices had risen during their argument and Sirius was nearly shouting now.  
  
"What do you mean, 'useful'?! Stop blaming all this shit on yourself, it doesn't help anyone! It won't bring James back to you if you play the martyr's part!!!", Remus yelled at him, anger and despair pushing every rational thought out of his mind. Deafening silence followed his last sentence. Both men stared at each other, not quite believing what the werewolf had said. Remus saw hurt flash in Sirius eyes, before the Animagus rushed past him, grabbing his cloak as he went and fled the room. Remus stood there, still staring at the spot were his friend had been standing.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Do you think the passage with the House-elf was funny? Hm, writing Sparky's part was much more difficult then I expected. Not sure if Remus' mood is understandable, though. Seems so out of character!  
  
Ok, I hope you liked it and would be really happy if you send me a review. If there's anything odd in the grammar or content, please tell me! See you next chapter!  
  
lara 


	12. Lonely Hunt

I'm so sorry I let you wait this long for the next chapter. And there's still not much action in this one. I know this is starting to suck, but I'm really trying my best here! A big THANKS to everybody who reviewed! I've no idea where I would be without you all! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!  
mette: Thank you for reviewing! Well, yeah, he is because of that article. You asked 'cause in the next paragraph I wrote there was no fear, right? I wanted it to show that he's determined to solve his problem, even if he's scared. The people in school call me a freak, because of some drawings I did. Long story, really. Thanks for the tip. I'll keep that in mind! :)  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! At this point I'd like to grin evilly in a "Oh- yes-he'll-do-exactly-that"-expression . . . But I can't because you'd know what I plan next! Keep on hoping, maybe someone hits me on the head and my change my mind! : ) (When do you post your next story? I'm already waiting!)  
  
karno-L: Thank you! Well, as I mentioned before, those teenage-hormones can do really funny things to you! I like that thought! : ) Yeah, Remus has to carry much recently, but I promise to give him a break . . . much later *clears throat* I named the chap "Mission" because I thought they'd get into action this chapter. But they don't and that brings my whole schedule in disarray *looks scolding at Remus and Sirius* But I promise to watch them more closely! *pats the two on the head; are looking at each other scared*  
  
Sylvia: Thanks for reviewing! Guess it's my fault, I screwed up with the update and accidentally changed the language in Chinese. Couldn't find it myself for a while! Wait, I'm a bit confused now! You're not English? I mean Britain or American? Don't get me wrong, I don't mind, I'm just surprised! You have children? Cool! I like children, and I get along with them very well! As long as they don't belong to me, I guess! *gg* Why do you think I wouldn't write back? Yeah, I'm looking forward for the fifth book, too! Can't wait to read it! My Mom kept taunting me, because it only comes out in English- speaking countries that soon, but I pre-ordered it in English version and now she's grumpy because she doesn't speak English! Well this chapter didn't turn out as good as I hoped, but the next will be better . . . and longer, I promise! Hope to see ya soon!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Lonely Hunt  
  
Sirius strode through the halls hurriedly. In his mind thoughts were whirling around wildly. He didn't even notice he was still in human form as he stomped down a secret passage. He was about to push the tapestry hiding the passage way aside as he heard voices very near him. Suddenly instincts kicked in and without a second thought he transformed into Padfoot and waited, listening anxiously.  
  
"One point! Do you believe it?! I would have just needed one more . . . " The girl talking was cut off by a squeak of her friend. She turned around to see the brunette pressed to the wall, pointing a shaking finger at the large dog, that seemed to have appeared just out of nowhere. "M-m-make it go a-away, A-Amanda! Make it g-go away!" She looked from her frightened friend to the black canine, which was watching them uncertainly. She crouched down and held out a hand for the dog to sniff at, but it growled deep in it's throat and backed away. The next moment it had disappeared. She blinked surprised before turning to calm her friend down.  
  
Sirius hurried down the Entrance hall and out off the castle. The encounter just two minutes ago hadn't helped to lighten his mood. Slowly he really got the feeling, he was spreading terror and misery where ever he went. The fresh snow made soft crunching noises under his paws. The heavy weight pressing on his chest was growing. As it was about to burst he broke into fiery run, the sudden rush of adrenaline pushing all thoughts, voices and memories out of his troubled mind.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It was noon when Padfoot finally slowed down, looking around. He hadn't paid any attention to where he was going and was surprised to find himself near the cave he had used as hiding place during Harry's forth year. He stood in front of the hill, not sure what to do. Remus probably was worried he was away that long. Or angry because of it.  
  
The dog let out a very human-like sigh and started to walk up to the cave, only now noticing the light ache in his right hind quarter. His paws were raw, the ice had cut in at some places. Limping into the dimly lit cave he sniffed the air tiredly, making sure no-one was around. He flopped down in the far corner, wincing as the cold from the stone seeped through his fur. At least it was dry and windless. He rested his head on his front paws and started to brood.  
  
Padfoot had often slept on cold stone floors, not bothered by it at all. All those nights in Azkaban he'd wished that a cold floor would be his only misery. Maybe because I was used to the thought, that whole world hats me. But Remus didn't hate him. Or did he? Sirius pondered that thought silently.  
  
He had every right to, didn't he? Sirius had failed him, just as he had Lily and James. And Harry. Remus had taken care of him, ever since he had found out the Animagus was innocent. He had nursed him when he was ill, had risked his own live by harbouring Sirius. If the ministry had found out, it would have been a sure death sentence for him. Since the rumours about Voldemort rising had begun to spread, the laws concerning Dark Arts had been tightened drastically.  
  
What had Sirius given him back? It hurt that "nothing" was the only thing he could answer. The same went for Dumbledore. The old wizard had saved his soul, when he had already given up his hope to escape. And Harry. Who had forgiven him for his mistake. Who had provided him with food and information all over the last year. Who had understood when he had to go to alert the "old crowd". Who hadn't said a word though Sirius had left him when the boy would have needed him the most. What a great godfather!  
  
As he thought about it, he had to admit, that Remus' words were true. As much as it hurt, but he was right , nothing would bring James back. He was only causing more misery by always letting his emotions go. What were others thinking, if not even he himself was able to control that nasty temper of his?  
  
Of what use was he, when the other order members didn't trust him? It could prove fatal in both secret mission and open fight. It didn't matter that he felt lonely and outcast by others. But that he was a real danger to their goal. Voldemort would win . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus could only guess what his words had done to his friend. Damn, he was supposed to support him, not beat him down, too! Of course Sirius was touchy at that subject, who could blame him? After once waking him three times a night, because he was crying in his sleep, Remus had realised that the Animagus had only now started to mourn for his friends and to cope with the role he had played in that story concerning their deaths. In Azkaban the grieving would have killed him, so he had swallowed it down.  
  
Remus sat and buried his face in his hands, trying to calm down. He sat there thinking for a good ten minutes before glancing up and out of the window. Maybe he should go and search for him, in case he did something rashly. Or maybe not. What if Sirius would feel offended? He sighted. Maybe he should first inform Dumbledore. Yes, he'd wait a some more time, and if the Animagus still didn't show up, he'd inform the Headmaster and then go after him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sirius paced the cave restlessly, deep in thought. If he was a Death Eater, were would he strike next? It felt odd somehow, to try to think the way other people would assume he did. It was odd and confusing. If I was running around, murdering people and trying to stay free, I would commit the next murder as far away from the last one as possible.  
  
That meant . . . yeah, Fletcher was living a good one-hundred-fifty miles away from the Woods. If people didn't know he was targeted nobody would suspect. Plus he lived near London, near the ministry of magic. Only a madman would dare to try. A bitter grin crossed the dogs face. Well, that sounded very much like him, didn't it?  
  
He looked out of the cave. It had started to snow again. He was at Hogwarts now, damn far away from London. He sighted. Better start walking now, or you'll never make it in time. He shuddered as the cold wind whistled through his fur. With a last glance back at the castle, he started to run. For one he would freeze if he stayed there much longer, for another he probably wouldn't make it further then the end of the village if he looked back one more time.  
A/N: And off he goes! Hopefully to a better chapter. Which is already started, thanks to all the reviews keeping me going! And you know what? They reached the fifty-mark!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR THAT, I LOVE YOU!!!!  
  
Now I'm really interested what you think of chapter twelve! I know it's too short, though I don't mind you telling me! What do you think about the content? Not coherent? Out of character? Please tell me! See you soon!  
  
lara 


	13. In The Crosshairs

Hello everyone, I'm back with chapter thirteen! I hope you like this one, because I actually managed to get some action into it. I can promise you a lot of trouble for the next chapters! *evil grin* Now a big thanks to everyone who reviewed, I thought someone was kidding me when I checked my mail-box. 15 reviews! Wow!  
  
sirius the homicidal maniac: That's a very nice name, I like it! Thanks for reviewing! I know that it's short. This one is, too, but I'm afraid that I start to write crap if I stretch it. And if you all keep reviewing so much I'm sure I won't stop anytime soon! :)  
  
Sylvia: Thank you! Hm, Remus is worrying rather much lately, isn't he? Not good for the stomach . . . anyway, I tried to explain (and understand myself) how Sirius is feeling. I think he wants to find peace the most. And I want(ed) to write how hard it is under these circumstances. Yeah, it's meant to be sad, because I think the others just aren't fair to him. But I promise you that it'll end happy! I love him too much to let him be miserable for the rest of his life!  
  
mette: Thank you for your review! Yes, lonely is the right word for it. I actually started to write this story because I think there aren't enough stories of that brotherly-love-comfort-kind of story. I hope it didn't turn to far away from this. But yes, there'll be more hurt-comfort! Ok, I can tell you two more things: No, this isn't the biggest bomb yet, and no, he probably won't be alright anytime soon.  
  
caromausi: Thanks! Oh, you think so? I'll keep that in mind! And here is the next chapter for you!  
  
Lisande: Hey, wie hast du dich denn hierher verirrt? Nicht das mich das stört! :) Danke für deine Review! Mit dem Übersetzen hab ich sogar schon angefangen, aber das wird sich noch 'ne Weile hinziehen. Glaubst gar nicht wie schwer das ist, auch wenn ich's selber geschrieben hab! Wie gesagt, ich hab die Story in erster Linie angefangen, weil mir solche noch nicht allzu oft unter gekommen sind, was echt schade ist. Obwohl ich sie als Slash- pairing unter Umständen auch ganz niedlich find! :) Oh, und Danke für den Tip!!  
Sothis Star: Thanks for all your reviews!!! Yes, I'm dead sure that this is my first try. You're right this would have been the best way out, but as you figured I needed a start and a hurt Sirius. Poor thing, he always gets the worst of it. Yeah, I'm still working on the layout, but thanks for the tip. I re-read it and found that you're right, it's very hard to read.  
  
Yes, he could transform, but he . . . err, lost his wand? Or he's confused? Pick something you want, you know that I needed to get him in trouble badly. Yes, Remus can! You see, our neighbours have a dog of the size of a calf and I saw them carry that thing him because it didn't want to walk further! And he's very thin, not heavy. And Remus is a werewolf, maybe he has supernatural strength no-one knows of. *sigh* Yes, poor Sirius!  
  
You think it's ok to write so, . . .dramatic? I thought it might be a bit too . . . dunno. Oh, and you won't sound more stupid than I do! *grins* And I'm such a damn sadistic freak! I like to read that kind of fics, too! And write, of course!  
  
kat: Thank you for reviewing! Ah, you got me there! I know that it sounds somewhat stupid, but I have plans for that leg. Not very clear ones, but it's a start *laughs evilly* Oh no, nothing against you puppy! *pets Sirius on the head* Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, too!  
  
Yep, he's an expert at that. And he's still hurt. And if nobody helps him soon, he's gonna crack. But I'll try to cheer him up. Sometime.  
  
Someone Reading: Hey, you're back! Thanks for your review! Well, of course he'll do something stupid, but I try to explain it so it looks . . . err, logical. Hope I succeed. As to your question about Harry: Yeah, I've wondered, too, but I'm afraid I'll mess up if I try to write that. Think it doesn't fit in the story. If you think otherwise please tell me! Hm, guess Dumbledore has the Map, but maybe he gave it back to Harry. Or he made copies for the staff . . . I'll think about that.  
  
A.Dee: Thank you! Well, as I said, if you look at it from Sirius' PoV it's not stupid at all. Hard to explain, but he isn't dumb or anything, you see it when you read the books (And I'm not going to argue with J.K. about the content of her books.) *sigh* He's going to pay for it anyway. Poor thing!  
  
Alright, here is chapter 13:  
  
In the Cross Hairs  
  
Remus was pacing the Headmaster's office. He'd told Dumbledore of their argument and Sirius' flight, and about his suspects where his friend was and what he was doing. Right now the old wizard was sitting behind his desk, watching his former pupil with a frown. And thought about what he'd said.  
  
He silently scolded himself for not intervening. He had been keeping Sirius under close watch, even if no-one else noticed. Though he had known that the Animagus was troubled by his experiences in Azkaban and the nights shortly before his arrest, Dumbledore had been impressed by the progress he had made all by himself since his escape.  
  
By the letters Sirius had sent him he had unconsciously updated the Headmaster on his moods, thoughts and feelings, giving a very clear impression of his mental toughness. He had been sure that Sirius would be able to work it out by himself, in Dumbledore's opinion the best and most effective way to deal with such problems.  
  
But he had seemingly overrated his former student. Remus was right, they had to find him as soon as possible. He would ruin their plans, unknowingly though, and also endanger himself. Dumbledore silently scolded himself for not informing the two of them about Mundungus' idea with the new alarm wards.  
  
Those wouldn't go off, so the intruders didn't notice, but automatically cast a charm over them, which with they could easily be detected. As long as the concerned Death Eaters didn't test themselves, they wouldn't know that they were marked.  
  
But they would get suspicious if they saw or even caught an Order-member there. And they would possibly vent their rage on him as well. And for the case they left him alive long enough for Voldemort to see him, their opponent would have an effective mean of bringing pressure to bear.  
  
He sighted, startling the pacing werewolf. His blue eyes turned an even darker expression as the expectant, amber orbs set on him. "Where would he go?", Dumbledore asked him. "You know him the best, where would he go?" Remus thought for a moment, trying to put himself in Sirius' position.  
  
"Well, Arabella's practically living next door to the Dursleys. Maybe he would first think of Harry and go there. But on the other side . . . ", he pondered aloud, " . . . Mundungus' position is easier to detect and there're good hiding places in a big city. Especially for a street mutt. Though it's very close to the ministry . . ."  
  
He looked up at the Headmaster. "I'm not sure, but I think he would go to Mundungus first."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Padfoot was sitting behind a big rubbish bin and observed the street, ducking his head low so his ears wouldn't peek over the top. A few people were hurrying down the pavement, wrapped in thick cloaks and shielding their face against the fluffy white snowflakes, that were twirling through the air wildly. He'd been hunching there for the whole day by now and wondered if his targets would show up anytime soon.  
  
The sun set and dunked the street in quickly fading twilight. Padfoot's ears perked up as soft footsteps neared. Holding back the growl rising in his throat he watched as a man in his mid-forties walked by, pushing his big glasses up his nose. Five minutes later two teenage-girls passed him, loudly chatting about some shopping they'd done. He kept his gaze trained to the house Fletcher was living in, listening hard for any sound.  
  
He winced as a soft 'pop' could be heard. It was a very small sound, but to the dog it seemed to echo through the empty street. Two other followed. Sirius transformed back into his human form, careful to keep himself hidden behind the rubbish bin. He reached into the pocket of his cloak and pulled out the wand, trying hard to make no sound.  
  
The wand was Remus'. He hadn't intended to steal it, he hadn't even been aware of having it until he'd felt it pocking into his stomach during the train-ride. He had been able to sneak into the luggage compartment of a train, that was stopping at the Hogsmead station. The ride had lasted the whole night, as the train stopped every ten minutes in some small village to take more travellers in.  
  
Sirius had dimly wondered who else would want to travel at night, being shaken awake every now and then when the train came to a halt. But the Animagus didn't really care, he was more then grateful for this opportunity sparing him the long journey to foot. When he'd transformed into a man to inspect his leg, which seemed to be perfectly fine, except hurting every now and then, he'd found the wand. His friend had probably left in the cloak last time he had worn it.  
  
Sirius looked over to the house. The cloaked silhouette of a Death Eater was lurking at the front door, obviously checking for alarm wards and putting them off. Two others were waiting about two-hundred feet away.  
  
Three Death Eaters. Which to take out first? If he cursed the one at the door the wards would go off and his two colleagues would have enough time to flee, because Sirius would need to get away, too. If he took the other two first, the Death Eater at the door surely wouldn't notice, but he'd have to take out both of them in very short time. Tricky.  
  
He decided to knock out the two Death Eaters at the corner first, but he would need to get closer to them. The one at the door would be occupied for at least another five minutes. Transforming into the dog, he quickly made his way near the two; using parking cars, mailboxes, rubbish bins and trees lining the pavement opposite Fletcher's house as cover.  
  
He made sure that he had two ways out, in case he was discovered too soon. Transforming back he crouched behind a parking car and aimed Remus' wand at the taller Death Eater, his first target. He waited until the other turned away, then fired a stunning spell at him. Just as his companion turned at the soft thud of the fallen Death Eater the second stunner hit him in the stomach. He crumpled next to his partner. Sirius spared a moment to stare at the wand, surprised it worked so good with him.  
  
Anxiously the black-haired man peered over to the third cloaked figure, relieved to see him still busy with the wards. He brought the wand up again and was about to fire, when a movement further down the road caught his eye. His heart skipped a beat when he recognized the light brown hair.  
  
Remus didn't seem to have noticed the other Death Eater, he was waving his hands wildly at him in an attempt to warn him silently. Just as the dark wizard at the door became aware of his friend, Sirius threw a stunning spell at him. He heard Remus scream at him to turn around as someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him to the ground. He only saw a dark cloak swish before his eyes as his head hit the pavement hard and everything went black.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Sirius, watch out, behind you!"  
  
Remus ducked the curse that was hurrying towards him. He was about to return it, when he saw his friend hit the ground. A soft 'pop' and the Death Eaters vanished, the Animagus along with them. He stared at the spot where his friend had been seconds before, his heart, that had been pounding wildly, stopping in shock.  
  
"Remus?! Hey, you ok?" McGriffin clapped a hand on his shoulder. The other Order members collected the limp figures of the three stunned Death Eaters.  
  
"They have him.", he answered in a flat voice.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"They have Sirius! We came too late, they have him."  
  
"Oh fuck!"  
  
A/N: Ahhhhhh!!!!!! Noooooo, they have Sirius, they have Sirius, save him!!!!!! Someone get help!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
That's the kind of reaction you should show now. Yes? Good! You can tell me! No? Not good, because it means I made a mistake somewhere. If this is the case, pleas tell me!!! No reaction at all? Oh, you heartless, icy, uncaring . . . Nah, just kidding! But still a reason to review! :) 


	14. Fear

Hello everyone! I'm sorry I took so long to update, but I hope to make that up with the fact, that this one is a bit longer! Nice title, hm? Thanks to everybody, who reviewed!  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for your review! Ah, I'm really sorry, but you're right. I AM a evil author, and I have evil planes for Sirius! But I'll try to think up a nice ending! Big promise!  
  
Someone Reading: Thank you for reviewing! I know I didn't put much Harry in this chapter, but I thought going slow would be better. Enough time to feel guilty later! *sigh* Poor Sirius! Why am I always doing this to him? Oh, I know, because I'm evil!  
  
sirius the homicidal maniac: I told you, that this is a cool name already, didn't I? Oh well, to your review: Thanks! And don't worry, he'll be fine . . . sometime . . .  
  
Sylvia: Thank you! So here I am with a new chapter! Hope this is enough trouble for now, there's more to follow! Hm, 'bout Remus and worry-do you think it suits him? Cause I plan to let him worry a bit more in future chapters.  
  
mette: Thanks for your review! Yeah, I can see it. Glad that I'm the author, I don't have to worry what'll happen next! At least not as long writer's block doesn't come to me. Well, it didn't take me long to think it up, but I needed very, very much time to put in words!  
  
karno-L: Thank you! No, he isn't. But I promise to make him happy in the end! Could take some time, but try to see the silver line!  
  
caromausi: Thanks for reviewing! Nice to know, that you have so much faith in me! What do you think 'bout Harry's entrance?  
  
Lisande: Danke für die Review! Zum Übersetzen wird' ich wohl erst mal für ne ganze weile keine Zeit haben, aber trotzdem: Dickes Danke für das Angebot, ich wird sicherlich noch drauf zurück kommen! Hey, wann erscheint dein nächstes Kapitel?  
  
kat: Thanks for your review! Well you'll get an idea of it in this chapter! Hope you like it!  
  
Hpfan1928: Thank you for reviewing so much! Yeah, I'm still working on the layout. And about the Sirius-torture: I'm trying my very best!  
  
Now enjoy chapter 14!  
Fear  
  
Sirius awoke with something cold and wet pressing against his face. He opened his eyes slowly, quickly closing them again as a jolt of pain shot through his scull. He let out a quiet groan, trying to remember what happened. He had been at Fletcher's house to stop the Death Eaters from a attack on the Order member.  
  
He had knocked out two of them . . . and when the third-Remus! With the memorie of his werewolf friend panic hit him suddenly. Remus had been there. The Death Eaters had been aiming at him and then . . . he realised, that he must have fallen unconscious at this moment, cause he couldn't recall anything else except darkness.  
  
But where was he? If Remus had come there, then surely to stop him. Or to prevent him from walking into a trap. With obviously had happened. And if his friend had succeeded, he wouldn't be lying on cold stone, would he? That left only two options: One-he was still in that street. Or two-The Death Eaters had gotten him. His stomach churned as he opened his eyes again, only to discover, that he wasn't lying in a street.  
  
He quickly pushed himself up and tried to get onto his feet, but crumpled back on the ground, when something stopped him in mid-move. Only now he realised the shackles around both of his wrists, glowing with a faint blue light of their own. Ant-Animagus-spells.  
  
Cursing Sirius slumped back against the wall, the chains holding him rattling. He drew his knees up to his chest, propped his elbows on them and put his face in his hands. His head was drumming loudly with the headache, making it hard to think. The Animagus tried to order his thoughts in order to stay calm.  
  
Another thought made his guts wrench. Did they catch Remus, too? Or anyone else? He instinctively held his breath and listened for any sounds beside his pounding heart. He heard none. What if they had killed him instantly? He tried to push the thought out of his mind and as far away as possible. He didn't quite succeed.  
  
Taking a few deep breaths Sirius looked up to examine his surroundings. He was sitting in a cell, about ten feet square, with a low ceiling. The walls were wet and the faint noise of water dripping down could be heard. As he had noticed earlier, there were chains in the wall, two of them holding him right now. They seemed very stabile and he didn't doubt they were.  
  
There was now window, and to his surprise there wasn't a door either. He let out a small gasp as he realised that the room was completely closed, with now way out. They hadn't walled him in, had they? His heart skipped a beat and he felt ice-cold fear creep up in him.  
  
A rush of memories flooded his mind. Cold. Dark. Blackness pressing down on him, squeezing him, crushing him. Shrieking voices wavering through the icy air, pictures of burning wrecks and bloody bodies appearing before his eyes, flashes of green light . . .  
  
Suddenly his lungs seemed to be empty. As if all air was sucked out of it. The panic broke free, chocking him like an invisible hand. He couldn't breath, he was suffocating! The dark walls came up, closing around him, as if trying to crush him.  
  
His whole body went stiff as he fought to breath, his muscles aching with the tension. It felt like his lungs were squirming in his ribcage. 'Breath!', he mentally screamed at himself. 'Breath! Do something! Help! Remus, James, HELP!!!'  
  
The panic growing in his chest made him feel, like he was going to explode. It was roaring in his ears, crashing in his heart. It hurt, it hurt so much. 'Make it stop, MAKE IT STOP! PLEASE!!!' He knew, that he couldn't bear this agony any longer-  
  
With a jolt air rushed into his lunges, nearly gagging him with the force. He coughed a few times, before taking deep gulps of air. It wasn't fresh, it smelled foul, but it didn't matter to him. Right now he couldn't think of anything else. 'Breath. Breath. Breath . . . '  
  
Sirius dimly realised, that he was lying flat on his back, body bathed in cold sweat, heart beating furiously. He drew a shuddering breath, now becoming aware of the fact, that he was trembling with cold and exhaustion. And shock.  
  
What the hell had happened with him? He closed his eyes and concentrated on taking deep breaths. In and out. In and out. In. Out. In. Out. In . . .  
  
His senses slowly came back to him, but he didn't dare to open his eyes. His mind was reeling and he became aware of his now piercing headache, he simply lay there and banned every thought out of his hurting head. After some time his pulse was back to normal, the aching fear subsided and he could breath properly. He still didn't open his eyes.  
  
Sirius knew, what had happened. He had experienced it before, but always hoped, he would never have to go through it again. With his head clear now, he calmly explained to himself, what was going on.  
  
'Claustrophobia. That happens sometimes. Calm down, everything's ok, you just got a little scared of the small room, that's all. Nothing to worry about, it's over now. Everything's alright. When you open your eyes now, you'll see that cell. Just your old cell. You can put up with that, nothing to worry about . . .'  
  
As if raising something very heavy, he opened his eyes. Slowly, very slowly, the way he would carefully remove a blindfold from somebody who was scared of the outside world. It felt odd, to treat himself like a frightened child.  
  
He was still lying on his back, now staring at the ceiling and taking deep, calm breaths. 'Very good! Now try to stay calm. Take deep breathes.' He didn't know where that small voice, that instructed him in such helpful manner, came from, but he was extremely grateful for it. Now memories came back to him. Memories of Azkaban.  
  
He was fairly sure, that he had developed claustrophobia in the first night, he had spent in his prison cell. Never before had he been alone in such a small place for so long, dark, with Dementors outside and with no hope to ever get out again.  
  
It had scared the shit out of him, and he dimly remembered fainting a few times. After the first nights he got used of it. Only when it became worse with the screaming, the dreams, the memories, his panic of small rooms would catch up with him and often knock him out cold. And looking back, he was grateful for that.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus didn't hear McGriffin's comment, or the shouts of other Order members. He didn't notice the muggles watching the scene wide-eyed, nor did he see Arthur Weasley hurrying towards him. He simply stared at the spot Sirius had vanished from, one thought running trough his mind: He had failed Sirius.  
  
Then he suddenly became aware of the hand shaking his shoulder. He looked up into Arthur's grim face. "Are you ok?", he asked in a calm voice, trying to stir him out of his trance. The werewolf simply stared at him and gulped. "They have Sirius."  
  
The redhead nodded. "I know. Come on, we need to inform Dumbledore. The faster we get to Hogwarts, the faster we can think of a way to save Sirius." He still held Remus' shoulder. "Can you Apparate?" The tawny- haired man nodded his head, pulling out the borrowed wand Dumbledore had given him.  
  
After telling Dumbledore of Sirius' reaction to their conversation, he had noticed, that his wand was missing, figuring, that Sirius might have it. He had been surprised, when the old wizard had rummaged through one drawer of his desk, and finally pulled out a wand, similar to his own. Dumbledore had explained, that it was the brother to Remus' and had once belonged to an member of the Order. Sylvia Bones had died in the first war against Voldemort.  
  
In their will, the Bones had made Dumbledore the keeper of their wands and all other magical instruments they possessed, until their daughter would be old enough to inherit. Until then they had given the Headmaster allowance to use the things against the Dark Lord. Many people on the light side had done so.  
  
Remus Apparated in front of the Hogwarts gates, and without wasting time he started to run up to the castle. Never had the way to the Entrance Hall, along the many short cuts, through the halls leading to the Headmaster's office seemed to be long. And never had Remus' made it faster to the gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's quarters. He gasped the password and rushed past it and up the spiral staircase.  
  
Without knocking he stormed into the office and barely came to a halt in front of the Headmaster's desk. Despite Dumbledore not being there he started to blurt out the horrible news.  
  
"Professor, it's Sirius, he is . . . "  
  
"Professor Lupin?"  
  
Remus stopped in mid-sentence and turned around to face the black-haired, bespectacled teen. Harry Potter was standing next to Fawkes' perch, where he had been stroking the Headmaster's pet phoenix. He made a step towards him, as if about to greet him, but the look in his emerald eyes told Remus, that he knew Sirius was in trouble.  
  
"What happened, Remus?" Dumbledore came out from behind a bookshelf, his voice calm, but concern clearly written in his eyes. Remus gulped. "Sirius, he's been captured." The statement made both Harry's and Dumbledore's expressions turn from concern to shock..  
  
Remus quickly told them, what had happened. When he ended Dumbledore had sunken in his chair, eyes closed, a hand rubbing his temple. Suddenly he looked very old and tired-and kind of helpless. He let out a sigh and turned his eyes on Remus, his expression unreadable. The fact, the even Dumbledore seemed to have no solution, made the werewolf's stomach twist. He looked at Harry, who seemed to be thinking exactly the same thing as he did.  
  
"Remus, take Harry and explain the situation, I have to speak Severus. If there's anything new, I'll contact you." Both of them jumped at Dumbledore's words not having noticed him rising and striding towards the door. The next moment, he had disappeared.  
  
Again Harry turned questioning eyes on him. Remus nodded. "Come on, we'll go to my quarters and I'll explain everything."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Get up, you sorry piece if shit! His Lordship wishes to see you!" The words didn't do much to stir him out of his haze-like sleep, but the kick in his side surely did. With a groan Sirius rolled to the side, faintly realising, that the cell was lightened by a torch now.  
  
Another kick in his abdomen made him gasp and double over in pain. "Really wanna know, what they want with a weak bastard like you anyway! Didn't ya hear me? Get the fuck up!!" The black-robed figure went on kicking him, until he wobbly got to his feet, only to have his knees give away again. He crashed to the floor, wincing as pain shot through his leg and up into his head.  
  
The masked Death Eater above him made an grunting noise, sounding very angry. The next moment, Sirius was pulled up by the chains on his wrists, until he stood more or less straight against the wall. His head hurt, as well as his stomach and his leg. The room around him was spinning , and he felt the urge to throw up.  
  
"My, my. Is this how you treat guests, McNair? I think not. Maybe I should teach you a lesson how to behave around special visitors of mine." The Animagus froze at the cold, deadly quiet voice. He lifted his head high enough to stare into blood red eyes, before a low whisper, icy as a winter breeze, echoed through the room.  
  
"Crucio!"  
  
A/N: Tadahhhhhh! So how was this? Cruel, sadistic, cool, dramatic, trashy? Please tell me what you think about this chapter, and what expectations you have for the next ones! And do you use the phrase "ten feet square", to express the size of an area?  
  
Oh, and another problem: I started to draw Fanart, but I have no idea where to post it, let alone how to do it! If anybody out there can help me, please do!!  
  
lara 


	15. Catching on

Hey, I'm still alive, don't worry! And you know what? I have a new chapter, all for you!  
  
I know, I'm really late. I had a few problems and so I decided to have a break and take some time for thinking. The first results can be read here, and as I might add, they aren't that bad.  
  
I'm very grateful towards all the people who reviewed, thanks so much, it really helps! And because I took so long, I decided to write a bit more than usual. Six pages-now I'm really spent. At least until I get a few inspiring reviews! *grins*  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for your review! Nice cliffie, eh? Well, I know I'm evil, but I simply had to do it. And it gets even better . . . !  
  
Someone Reading: Thank you! No. I haven't a proof-reader, but I could really use one! Was really hard to write the part with Harry and Remus, and I'm not sure how it turned out. As for Sirius: Yes, they beat him, and he can be happy if they leave it like that! Oops, too late! *sigh* Yes, I'm a horrible, sadistic, evil, Sirius-torturing person . . . *shrugs* Nobody's perfect, right? Well, no. Honestly, I have no idea how I'm going to get him out, but plenty how to get him deeper in it! You can be sure, that they'll have a hard time!  
  
Sylvia: Thanks for reviewing! No, I haven't, but I imagine it to be like that. Thanks again! Yeah, you're right, he's wonderful person! And it'll get even sweeter, I promise!  
  
mette: Thank you very much! As I said, I never experienced it myself, but I hope you like my imagination of it! The idea of Sirius suffering from it come, when I saw a documentation film about coal mines. Funny, huh?  
  
kat: Thanks for your review! Don't worry, I didn't know that myself until now. I was really surprised myself! ;) Got the idea when I saw 'Matrix- reloaded' yesterday. I was tempted to start writing right there in the cinema, but the movie was just too good! Anyway, you'll find out what's going on in this chapter . . . well, sort of!  
  
Lisande: Thank you for reviewing! And no need to worry, I'm not very bright when it comes to computer either! Normally they crash the moment I touch them. Must have something odd at my fingers! As for Sirius: I'm torturing him in the worst way I can think of, so nice people like you can pity him! I'm so evil . . .  
  
karno-L: Thanks for your review! Well, as I said, I needed a cliffy! Hm, I have a bit, somewhere, but I don't quite know where-why'd you ask? As for Harry: No idea, so let's find out together!  
  
Hpfan1928: Thank you! No, I didn't experience it myself, but it's nice to hear, that you liked it! As for the cliff-hanger: I'm just evil, I need that from time to time.  
  
Now enjoy yourself with chapter 15-'Catching on':  
  
Catching on  
  
With a soft "clink" Remus sat the teacup down in front of Harry and seated himself opposite the teen. They had spent the way to his and Sirius' quarters in silence. The werewolf would have loved to tell Harry the instant they left Dumbledore's office, but the halls suddenly seemed stuffed with students and he was too afraid someone would overhear them.  
  
"You got my letter, didn't you?", he asked. Harry nodded. Remus returned the gesture unconsciously. "Well, I found him there and called Madam Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore. Poppy got quite a shock when she saw him." Harry looked up at him, concern shining in his eyes.  
  
"She didn't know? She didn't hurt him, did she?" Remus shook his head. "No, she didn't know about him. We needed to calm her down a bit, but she believed us right away as we filled her in on what really happened that Halloween night and in the Shrieking Shack."  
  
The black-haired boy relaxed a bit. Remus went on. "He told you about that mission, didn't he?"  
  
"No, not exactly. He said, that he might get the chance to get free, but he couldn't tell me anymore."  
  
"Hm, well Professor Snape told us that the Death Eaters were passing information about planned attacks in small meetings, and we managed to find out where precisely one of those meetings would take place. And that Wormtail would be there. I couldn't accompany him, because it was a full moon night-" He looked over at his former student, but Harry gave him a small, understanding smile.  
  
"When I changed back, he still wasn't home, and I got worried, and went looking for him. That's how I found him. While Poppy took care of his leg, Dumbledore asked him, if he had gotten any useful information. But he didn't seem to remember much at that moment, understandably."  
  
Remus sighed and took a sip of his tea. "You remember the last attack?" Harry looked down in his lap, forgetting to nod. Mr. Weasley had told them that Oliver Wood's parents had been murdered by Death Eaters. He, Ron and Hermione had visited him, after the funeral, not even two days ago. He'd been shocked at the hollow expression on Oliver's face, any trace of that characteristic gleam in his eyes gone.  
  
"Sirius had overheard that Voldemort planned attacks on several Order members, including Phillia and Thomas Wood, shortly before he was hurt. He wasn't very well over the next few days. When Dumbledore send me an owl, telling me what had happened, he suddenly remembered the conversation he had heard and we informed Dumbledore about the other targets."  
  
At this point Harry seemed to have a vague premonition of the events that followed.  
  
"He thought it was his fault?"  
  
Remus nodded, his expression turning grave. "Yes, he was utterly down the next days. Didn't sleep, barely ate. Sometimes he was even depressed." He hesitated a moment, not sure if he'd told Harry too much. He didn't want to upset the teen, he was worrying enough for his godfather. But on the other hand he had a right to know, didn't he? Sirius hadn't told him anything, because he didn't want his godson to know. But he simply hadn't thought it mattered much. Until now-  
  
"What did he do?" Harry's question ripped him out of his thoughts. He rubbed his face, silently reminding himself to pay attention. He was lost in thought too often recently.  
  
"He knew, that Mundungus Fletcher would probably be attacked. So he decided to put the Death Eaters, that would show up in front of Mundungus' door, out himself. Unfortunately we seemed to turn up in exactly the wrong moment. They caught him."  
  
Harry sat very still. Remus hesitated again, but then he silently came around the table and put his arm around the boy's shoulders. The black- haired teen didn't flinch away. Encouraged by this Remus pulled him into a loose hug. Harry leaned into it gratefully, he really needed that comfort right now.  
  
The cold lump, that had always appeared in his stomach when he was worried about Sirius, was back and it seemed to be heavier then ever. It simply wasn't fair. Sirius was his only family, and he had been through enough already. Suddenly an icy jolt rushed up his spine.  
  
Remus let go immediately when he felt Harry tense up. He was about to apologise, when emerald orbs, misted with fear, turned on him. He frowned.  
  
"Harry, what is it?"  
  
"Do they have Dementors?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Do they have the Dementors jet?", Harry repeated. "Professor Dumbledore said, it was likely that Voldemort would turn them to his side. Do you think they have Dementors already?"  
  
Remus caught on quickly from this point. He looked at the student, stunned by the horror of that thought. But it seemed likely that the Azkaban-guards had joined forces with the Dark Lord. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to will imagines away.  
  
Images of Sirius in a tiny, dark cell, desperate to escape the terrible memories those foul creatures brought back on him. He had seen the scars on his friend's arms, heard his screams at night, how he would panic in his sleep, trashing and turning, lost in the torturous nightmares of Azkaban. Going through that again might finally brake him.  
  
He shook away the pictures in his mind. "I don't know, but let's hope they don't. For Sirius' sake."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Crucio!"  
  
Sirius winced at the low whisper, inwardly preparing himself for the pain.  
  
It didn't come. Instead of breaking down screaming and trashing under the Cruciatus-Curse, he heard a "thud" and then shrieking cries echoed through the small cell. He stared at the writhing man on the floor in front of him, not quite understanding.  
  
Suddenly the shrieks stopped. He tore his gaze from the panting Death Eater on the floor and looked up at the black-robed figure looming above him. His head was pounding, McNair's cries of pain still ringing through his mind. The ache in his leg and stomach got noticeable again, but didn't overpower the cold angst, that was creeping up his chest.  
  
Blood-red orbs settled on him, and haughty smile appeared on that white face. "Get up McNair, and then get out of my face." The command was spoken in the same low, dreadful whisper like the curse. Sirius only dimly noticed, how the Death Eater scrambled to his feet and then out of the tiny room. His eyes were glued to the nightmare imagine before him.  
  
Because that was, what he still was hoping against better knowledge. 'Let this be a nightmare, please! Let me wake up soon! This just can be a dream, Remus'll wake me any moment now and tell me it's alright. And then he'll give me a potion and I'll go back to sleep, with no nightmares. . .'  
  
"So pleased to see you, Mr. Black." He winced as the icy voice cut through his thoughts. Voldemort noticed and the smile contorted into a merciless grin. He went on in that low, icy voice. "A very surprising meeting, I have to admit, but I certainly approve. Anyway, we shall not discuss how you arrived, but what we will do, now that you're here."  
  
Sirius gulped, but held the Dark Lord's firm gaze determined. He was surprised as Voldemort broke the eye-contact to look him all over. His gaze stopped at his prisoner's right leg and Sirius felt a jolt of pain rush through it, as it did so. He had barely time to wonder about the, as Voldemort lifted his wand again and pointed it at him.  
  
His eyes widened and he prepared himself for being struck by the Cruciatus- Curse. However his surprise grew as he was just levitated about ten feet up. The chains rattled quietly, as they were stretched to fit his new position.  
  
Voldemort stepped forward, and started to inspect his injured leg. Sirius quizzically looked down at him. His heartbeat was back to normal and he felt oddly curios. That was until Voldemort reached out a white finger and pressed it against the cold skin of his chin. Hot pain shot up his leg, but it was gone as sudden as it had come.  
  
Instead a cold heavy feeling settled in his chest, it was all too familiar to him. He didn't notice that he was lowered to the ground or that the chains on his wrists tightened painfully. All he was aware of, were the pictures playing over his mind.  
  
He saw the wreckage of the Potter's house in Gordric's Hollow. Baby Harry with the bleeding cut on his forehead, Remus transforming into a werewolf and attacking him, Death Eaters torturing small children, Harry dying at the feet of Lord Voldemort.  
  
He was jerked back to reality by searing pain. As soon as he opened his mouth to scream in agony, Voldemort lifted the curse. The young Animagus lay panting against the wall, an odd ringing in his ears.  
  
The Dark Lord come forward again, until he was standing over Sirius, a vile smile tugging at his thin lips. "I didn't believe it possible to test my idea so soon, but nevertheless I'm pleased with the results of our little experiment." His blood-red eyes shone threateningly.  
  
Sirius peered up at him through a kind of mist. His vision blurred at the edges and he was trembling all over. Fear and pain still raced trough his system, but he dared to ask the question only half formed in his mind.  
  
"What. . . why. . .?" His voice cracked. The sneer curling Voldemort's lips widened. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small vial, filled with a strange looking liquid. The oil-like stuff was jet-black, but in the faint light of the torch it sparkled like molten silver.  
  
"Blood of a Dementor." Voldemort watched the black-haired man's expression carefully. "It shows rather interesting reactions, when injected in the human system. Of course that depends on the dose, and it only works, if the person in question has had close contact with Dementors before."  
  
Sirius didn't stared up into those crimson glowing orbs. He felt sick. His whole body was aching, he throat was dry and raspy, he could barely breath, and he only wished he could fall unconscious and forget everything he had been told in the last few hours.  
  
The only thing, that kept him awake was the sheer horror at the thought what would come next. And that sick voice in the back of his mind, that asked for more information. He would have screamed at it to shut up, but he didn't even have the energy whimper at the pain.  
  
Voldemort went on: "Avery reported his little mistake with you. You see, he came in contact with this blood, too, because he felt the need to stir it with his wand. Somehow he must have transferred a small dose on you, when that curse hit you. I wasn't pleased, that he and Wormtail didn't find you, even when you were stunned. But now you're here and everything is alright, isn't it?"  
  
He grinned down at the crumpled man on the floor. Then he reached into his cloak again, this time pulling a knife out of it's folds. He went over to the chained Animagus and gripped his bare forearm. He slid the blade over the dirty, clammy skin in one swift move and dark blood welled up.  
  
Sirius was trembling with cold and exhaustion, but the Dark Lord ignored his misery and uncorked the vial. With a steady, claw-like hand he held it over the wound and waited until a drop of the oily liquid glided over the brim. The black drop swam on the red blood for a few moments, like oil on water. Then it suddenly was sucked in, and Sirius could feel it running through his veins like a small ice cube.  
  
He stared at his arm, he felt numb and cold. Like the way he had, when he was walking through the snow, trying to get to Remus' home. The trembling had stopped and his muscles were too weak to move an inch. He could here the humourless laughter faintly as his eyes slid shut and everything went dark.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I don't know where they put him, Dumbledore. He didn't even announce it officially. I heard it from Avery." The old wizard nodded. "Do you have any ideas, what Voldemort would need him for?"  
  
Snape hesitated a moment. "Well, not really. But he said, he wanted me to research old potion formulas concerning the effects of Dementors." Dumbledore raised an eyebrow at this.  
  
"So that means, he's going to use Dementors against us?"  
  
"Not exactly."  
  
"What does that mean?"  
  
"There's not a single Dementor in the whole lair, that I'm sure of."  
  
"How else could he use those formulas then?"  
  
Snape hesitated again. Dumbledore's voice had stayed calm through their conversation. Much calmer than Snape felt. He didn't know why exactly. He doubted, that it was sympathy for Black. Maybe he was afraid, of what Voldemort planned now.  
  
"He mentioned blood of a Dementor." Dumbledore looked at him with an inquiring gaze. "I'm afraid I can't follow you there, Severus." He still spoke in a calm, even sort of voice.  
  
"I don't quite understand it either. As far as I know Dementors can't be killed. I never read of Dementor's blood as magical utensil, let alone as potion ingredient. But I guess that Voldemort has found a way to use it."  
  
Dumbledore was silent for a moment. "If he wanted to use it, in a potion maybe, wouldn't he let you do the research on the blood?" Snape shrugged. "Me or another of his Potions Masters. It seems, as if he tests the stuff himself on a 'personal experimental subject'-"  
  
He cut himself off, as he realised, what he had said. He swallowed and looked at the Headmaster. Dumbledore's expression was grave. He let out a heavy sigh and rubbed his temple.  
  
"Severus, do you by any chances know, how it would effect a human?"  
  
"No, Sir. No idea."  
  
"And I suppose it's very unlikely, that we could find out ourselves?"  
  
"Very unlikely. Maybe it has the same effect like a Dementor itself. Just . . .stronger. That would mean Black has a chance. He survived Azkaban."  
  
Dumbledore looked up at him, and unreadable expression on his face. "Yes, he did.", he said slowly. "You still couldn't detect his lair, could you?"  
  
Snape shook his head. "No. it's impossible to get in or near it without his call. Only the mark can lead in, and only if he wants it to." Dumbledore nodded his head absent-mindedly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He awoke with a start. Cold sweat was running down his face and neck. He shuddered and sank back, rubbing his dirty face with a clammy hand. Stinging pain radiated from the cut in his arm. He suppressed a whimper and cradled the injured limp to his chest. Curling up to a tight ball, he tried to get a bit warmth back.  
  
Sirius had lost track of time. He had awoken before, to find Voldemort gone and the walls starting their cruel game on him again. His stomach was growling loudly, but he felt too sick to even think about eating. The torch was only glomming now, casting a faint red light over him. He was cold.  
  
It had been like this in Azkaban, too. He would wake up, eat, distract himself with pointless little games, get cold, fall asleep, dream, wake up and start again.  
  
Only the visions were different. He didn't see things, that had once happened, but things he feared to occur. He could see James, calling him a traitor. Lily with those big, angry eyes screaming at him for being such a stupid coward. For being a cold-blooded murderer. Remus changing into a werewolf and attacking him, tearing him to bloody peaces. Dumbledore being given the Dementor's Kiss for helping a convicted criminal to escape.  
  
And Harry. He saw his godson, begging Voldemort for his life. And that cold sneer, two muttered words, a green flash of light and the lifeless body slumping to the ground. With a scream ripping from his sore throat he would jerk out of sleep.  
  
He wondered if this was the effect of the Dementor's blood. And if it was the only one. Burring his head in his arms, he let his despair and fear break free in great, gulping sobs.  
  
A/N: *whips tears away* Oh my God, who writes such evil things? *everybody else pointing* Oh. I see. Ok, err . . . so what do you think? Too short? Too long? Too evil? Too mushy? Not mushy enough? Stupid character description? Really, I want to know!  
  
So PLEASE review and tell me what you liked, didn't like, hated, want to read ect.!  
  
lara 


	16. Insomnia

I don't know how to thank you all! 115 REVIEWS!!! BIG BIG THANKS TO ALL READERS, RIGHT NOW I'M THE MOST HAPPY GIRL ON THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I'm really sorry, I took so long! Four weeks is very much indeed, too much to be precisely. Still, I hope you can forgive me, as I have many things to do at the moment. (School, friends, boyfriend, you know, the little things no-one can live with ;) )  
  
Then ff.net had problems with what-do-I-know-with and I couln't get on the page for nearly five days! But at least I managed and here goes the next chapter! And before I forget:  
  
Sylvia: Thank you for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it! Right now I really have to watch what I'm writing, so it matches the previous chapters. If make a mistake like that anywhere, please inform me! Well, you know me, I can't write a story without torturing Siri (I'm so BAD!!!) But see it from another POV: If I torture him that much, I can write much about him healing, without the story looking mushy!  
  
kat: Thanks for your review! Sure I will save him, rescue is on the way already! As to the blood-stuff . . . uhm, it's magic? Surely you have a point with that, but they aren't wizards for nothing, are they? ;)  
  
mette: Thank you! Well, I don't know where I got the idea, but I share J.K.'s opinion: I don't want to know it. What I plan with Harry? God question. No idea. Really, I don't quite know where I go with most of this, but so it's exiting, even for me!  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! Don't worry, there's much mushy to come! Roght after I'm done with the torture! *evil grin*  
  
karno-L: Thank you! Really? *blushes* That's great! I didn't know it was that good!  
  
Hpfan1928: Thank you for your review! I'm glad that you like my Sirius- torture, and of course there is more to come!  
  
caromausi: Thanks! I know I'm cruel, but I hope you'll keep reading (and reviewing) anyway!  
  
siriuslovergirl1: Wow, what a name! Well, thank you very much! So the layout is alright now? Glad, that you like my descriptions so much! It's always cool to read so much reviews from one person. Easier to see how you understand it.  
  
Lisande: Thanks for your review! So I actually managed a update! It's not very short, I know, but I'm working on it! Don't worry, there's more Siri- torture to come. Hm, torturing Remus? Good idea, I'll think about it! Would you like physical better then mental?  
  
Someone Reading: Thank you for reviewing! I'm happy that you liked the idea, I wasn't sure about it in the beginning. I plan some really evil things, but it's hard to write, so that might take a while. I don't want to write rubbish, and if I do please tell me! And as for the length: I'm working on it! :)  
  
Now enjoy the next chapter:  
  
Insomnia  
  
Remus turned to his side. He couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw his friend huddled in a dark corner, begging an invisible torturer silently. And then how he was struck by a flash of light, writhing on the floor in pain, screaming at the top of his lungs.  
  
The werewolf has been restless since Sirius had been captured by the Death Eaters, but after his conversation with Harry, the fear for his friend kept coming back to him in icy thrills. He could imagine how the boy must be feeling now. Probably worse than he was.  
  
After another non-succeedial attempt to find sleep he threw back his duvet and got out of bed. he paced his bedroom while trying to think of a way to help his friend. He'd already talked to Severus, but the Potions Master had no idea, where Voldemort was keeping the Animagus. And Remus was sure, that he wouldn't hide such information from Dumbledore, as much as he despised Sirius.  
  
Remus forced himself to think. It hadn't even been twelve hours since that fateful incident in London, and they already knew one thing: If they wanted to rescue Sirius, they should warm up for a hell of mission. Not many Death Eaters seemed to know, where Sirius was, or that he even was captured.  
  
Snape had just had one conclusion: Voldemort wanted Sirius alone and nobody to know of his physical and mental state. To test that stuff, he had called Dementor's blood. The tawny-haired man had no idea what that would be, and as he had understood from his conversation with Snape the Potions Professor didn't either. Just that it might have something in common with the effects a Dementor would have normally.  
  
And that scared Remus. Because he could imagine what hell Sirius was going through right now. The Animagus had always tried o stay calm when facing a Dementor and mostly succeeded, but Remus knew that his friend had been close to a breakdown more than once. He had always been there to accompany him.  
  
Snape had explained to him, how Voldemort's lair was protected. By a charm the Dark Lord had designed himself, the Death Eater quarters can only be entered by a call. For this one would need the Dark Mark - and Voldemort, willing to see him. That meant, that it was impossible to get in without Voldemort noticing.  
  
The problem was, that even when they would manage to get in, they had no idea where Sirius was held. Remus sat down on his bed again and put his face in his hands. He knew that right now Snape was the only one who had a chance to get to the Animagus. He felt so useless . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Pain.  
  
He felt nothing but pain.  
  
He didn't know, if it was good. The pain numbed the horrible memories that kept flooding through his head. But it hurt . . .  
  
Memories. Were they even memories? Had all this really happened? But he had killed Lily and James. And he had abandoned Harry. Poor little Harry without Mum and Dad. And all those Muggles had died. Wormtail had murdered them, but it was still his fault, wasn't it? That wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for him.  
  
He had betrayed Remus. And Dumbledore. And James and Lily, too. James had said so. Did that really happen? But when it wouldn't be true he wouldn't remember it, would he? Yes.  
  
James hated him.  
  
Harry hated him.  
  
Everyone did. How couldn't they? He even hated himself. A stinking, murdering traitor. They said he was that. Who wouldn't hate a traitor? A murderer? A coward? He remembered the guards calling him murderer. They were right, he did kill. Didn't he?  
  
Sirius opened his eyes. He wanted to cry out in despair as he recognized the now familiar damp stone ceiling of his new cell. He didn't want to see it. It meant pain. It meant bad memories. Or at least thoughts. He didn't know if they were memories. Or something else. He didn't remember anymore.  
  
He sat up very slowly and with great effort. The walls around him were spinning wildly. He didn't know if they were supposed to do that or if his head was in a mess. Later probably. His arm was burning. It had for a long time now. Or at least he felt so.  
  
He leaned against the cold stone, feeling it robbing him of any body warmth he might have possessed. Looking down at his arm, he wondered, what it was he was looking at. He felt, that he should see his arm, but it certainly didn't look like it.  
  
The skin was red and covered in blisters. It was still bleeding slightly and the wet wound glistened in the faint light of a new torch. Sirius knew it was dirty, too, and probably had been infected. But all he could do was press it against his robe and try not to cry out at the pain of it.  
  
His head was pulsing slightly and he wondered why he couldn't feel the rest of his body. All he knew was, that he was cold. His throat was sore and it hurt to breath. He couldn't speak, he probably had been screaming like mad, when the pain had become too much.  
  
He closed his eyes tightly. He knew it wouldn't help, but he didn't know what else to do. Feeling the bumping pain in his arm he curled up into a tight ball. He didn't dare to open his eyes. He was scared and wanted to run, but he couldn't even move anymore.  
  
The stone wall was pressing against him. It was crushing his body, he knew it. He inched away from it, but it came closer and closer. He whimpered slightly as he felt it push him in the back, towards the opposite wall. 'No!', he thought. 'Please not again! Please!' But the wall didn't listen.  
  
Slowly the air was squeezed out of his lungs. He tried to breath in, but the solid stonewall behind him pressed his ribcage together. He wanted to turn away, but he couldn't move. The thick walls were suffocating him gradual. Panic was rising in his chest, and the only reason he didn't start screaming in horror was, that he was too weak to even whisper.  
  
'Please James! Help!', he pleaded in his mind. 'I don't want this, please!'  
  
'You deserve it, traitor!'  
  
A dry sob escaped his ravaged throat. He knew that voice. 'No James, I didn't do it! Please help me! Please!'  
  
'You murdered me and my family! You don't deserve any better!  
  
'I swear to God James, I didn't do it! I would have never betrayed you! It was Peter! Please, I'm sorry!'  
  
'Rot in hell, Sirius Black!'  
  
That knocked the last bit of air out of him. He felt like a pillow was pressed to his face, he couldn't breath. His lunges were burning from the lack of air, it was, as if he could feel them fall apart. Hot tears streamed down his cheeks as he started chocking. Never in his life had he been so scared. The walls closed around him, and everything went black.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A dark figure marched through the torch-lit hall. His arm was burning, it had been since he had received the call at Hogwarts an hour ago. It had taken a while to for him and Dumbledore to think up something, with which they could use this opportunity.  
  
After establishing, that the wards at Mundungus' hadn't worked (last Black for ruining their whole plan!) the only chance they had seen was taking something with him, that was charmed with that certain spell. Of course that had taken a while.  
  
And doing it himself was out of question. Voldemort would notice the magic that had been practised and by whom. So now he was clutching a stone in his pocket, that could be the key to Black's rescue or to the end of all involved. He just needed to get it as near to Black as possible.  
  
A/N: Ladies and Gentlemen, you read chapter16 of 'First Try' and the author hopes you liked it. Folks, you know what's coming now - any comments? Good ones, bad ones, funny ones? That's good, you can tell me right here! I know, that it was very short, but I'll try not to take so long with the next chapter, right?  
  
Oh, and that might be somewhat difficult - you remember next Saturday, right? I already ordered my exemplar of 'ORDER OF THE PHOENIX' and I guess I'll be very bussy reading for the next days. Sorry 'bout that, but I guess most of you will be, too, so I hope you still remember to come back afterwards!  
  
'til then!  
  
lara 


	17. Plans

Ok, some of you may wonder why I'm so quick this time. I felt bad because I let you all wait so long before and then planned to make a break to read OotP. So I decided to write this before the book comes out (damn close, I know). I still hope you like it, if not tell me and I'll redo it. Now THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO REVIEWED!!!  
  
Someone Reading: Thanks for your review! "Harry Day", that's what I'll call it for now! Good idea! Well, I know I told you before, but I don't know what's to come myself. All I know is, that there'll be much Sirius- and maybe Remus- and maybe even Harry-torture. And MUUUCH best-friend fluff after that! *grins happily* So if you still have suggestions I have an open ear for you!!  
  
sirius the homocidial maniac: I really like that name, did I tell you? Thank you for reviewing! You know, I'm scared for Siri, too. But I hopefully won't do anything stupid. Of course he'll be saved (sometime). And actually it's us authors that have to hug all you nice readers and reviewers *hugs back happily*  
  
mette: Thank you very much! *blushes* I'm glad you put so much hope in me!  
  
Lisande: Thanks for your review! So we have seven pages in five days with a nice torture-scene (at least I hope so!) and some really good ideas what to do next. Ain't I good? I really run myself out this time (Not that I'm praising myself here, noooooooo! ;) ) Yeah, I think Remus-torture mental is the right choice! As for Sirius *takes him in the arms and cuddles him* well, there are things to come . . . To Sirius: Don't give me that look, that's what you pay for being the main-figure!  
  
Sylvia: Thanks for reviewing! I hope I didn't let you wait too long this time! 'Promise Unbrocken'? Well, if it's that good I'll give it try myself, thanks for the tip! Cliffhanger? What cliffhanger? Oh, you mean that cliffhanger! But that was just such a small one . . . Yeah, I read that about J.K., too. Just hope it's not a certain black-haired Ex-Azkaban prisoner who happens to be an Animagus and the coolest character ever!  
  
noraseyes: Thank you for your review! But I hope you got farther by now. *looks with puppy-dog eyes* Please?  
  
A.Dee: Thanks! Yes, poor Sirius! PoorPOOR SIRIUS!! Why am I always doing this to him? *sigh*  
  
Alright, now enjoy the next chapter!  
  
Plans  
  
"Sirius?" Harry turned around to the faint rustle. The room was dark and he couldn't see much in the dim light of the waning moon. Another small sound of robes shuffling over the floor.  
  
"Sirius, that you?" The teen supressed a grin and took a few steps forward. His godfather was playing that trick on him again. He'd done it before and Harry knew that the big black dog would pounce him any moment, tackle him to the floor and start licking his face, ignoring any yells or laughter coming from his godson. It had become something like a ritual to them.  
  
"Come on Sirius, I know that you're here! You're not gonna get me this time!" Harry was grinning now, his ears straining to hear any sound that might betray his gurdian, determinded not to let him get the better of him this time.  
  
He felt the man step up behind him, whirled around - and faced a wand pointing right between his eyes. The smile on his face vanished immediately. Sirius moved closer towards him, the wand still pointed at the boy's head.  
  
"I think I will, Harry." His voice sounded evenly and . . . hollow. Harry couldn't see his face, hearing him speak like that scared him. What the hell was Sirius doing? He had always been protective of him, ever since Harry knew him, threating him like his own son. He backed away.  
  
"What - what are you doing?" That wasn't Sirius. His godfather wouldn't do something like that. The man closed thedistance between them. Harry's breath hitched in his throat as tip of the wand gently touched his forehead. He was trembling with fear now, he didn't understand what was happening. A single tear rolled down his cheek. Sirius couldn't betray him like this . . .  
  
The Animagus looked down at his godson with empty eyes. "Good bye, Harry." He leaned down, his breath caressing the teen's ear as he whispered two little words to the only son of his best friend.  
  
And death came rushing like a bright, green lightening bold . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Nooooo!" He felt tears slipping down his cheeks, hot and stinging. "Not Harry! I wouldn't do that! Never!"  
  
'But you already did! You killed him!'  
  
Sirius shook his head weakly. "No.", he whispered hoarsly. "I didn't. I didn't do that."  
  
'Yes, you did! Now you deny your betrayal again, traitor!'  
  
Favouring his injured arm the Animagus curled up and tried to supress a whimper. "I - I didn't want it - I'm sorry James. I'm so sorry!", he whispered brockenly. His chest was thight, it hurt as if his heart had been ripped out, leaving an aching hole. He couldn't stop the tears from falling.  
  
The worst was, that he didn't even know if it was true or not. The horrible pictures just passed his eyes and whirled through his mind, but he had no idea what of it had actually happened and what he was halucinating.  
  
Hugging his knees thightly to his chest, he rocked himself carfully back and forth, carful not to move his wounded arm too much. The chains holding him at the wrists rattled quietly. But the voice echoing through his head didn't quieten.  
  
'You killed us all, Sirius. You betrayed your best friends and now you're too much of a coward to stand up for it. I HATE YOU!'  
  
Sirius just cried. The words made him cringe as if every silb was a blow dealt to his stomach. He was heaving dryly, wishing he'd just pass out and remember nothing.  
  
One of the walls began to trmble slightly before the stones slid apart and formed a door, seemingly leading into a dark hallway. A dark figure glided into the damp cell. Sirius didn't look up, until Voldemort stood right in front of him.  
  
Another Death Eater had entered the room. The Dark Lord began to speak: "You see, my supposotion was right indeed. The blood shows remarkable effects." Sirius looked up at him with bruised eyes. The other man's face was masked, but the battered Animagus recognized the pretator-like gait. Snape.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"So what are we going to do now?" Remus looked from the Potions Master to the Head of Hogwarts worriedly. He'd just been talking to Dumbledore to find a way to help as fast as possible, when Snape had stormed into the office and, after a quick glanze around, informed them, that the Mark was burning.  
  
Snape was still standing in the room, obviously too agitated to take a seat. Dumbledore stared at him, he seemed to thinking.  
  
"Severus", he said slowly, "is there any possibility that he might show you Sirius?" Snape looked at him for a moment, considering the question, but then he shook his head hesitantly.  
  
"Not really. Unless there are any . . . discoveries concerning that blood from Dementors. He's still waiting for any information, I might find in the Hogwarts library."  
  
Remus knew, that Hogwarts was in possesion of many ancient and rare books, especially concerning Dark Magic. But he hadn't imagined, that even the Dark Lord might be in need of them. Surely it would raise suspicousion if a teacher and once-Death Eater would look through them. But something else bugged him at Snape's words.  
  
"You speak of it, as if he's just some sciene project."  
  
Snape shot him a vernomous look. "Actually, he is just a project. At least for Voldemort.", he added as an after thought. But the Headmaster ignored the comment. For a moment he stared out of the window, then he opened it, drew out his wand and muttered a spell. Seconds later a inch-long stone came whizzing into his hand.  
  
Both Remus and Snape stared at it, then at the old wizard as though he was mad. Still Dumbledore didn't pay them any head. He gently put the stone down on his desk, as if he was handling a raw egg. Slightly tapping it with his wand he started to chant what sounded like a spell.  
  
Remus recognized the spell. His eyes lit up in understanding and he fighted the urge to run over to his old professoe to give him a great hug. Dumbledore charmed the stone with the wards, they had been testing at Mundungus' house. When somebody managed to bring it anywhere near Sirius, they'd be able to trace him.  
  
Comprehension had also dawned on Snape's face, but he didn't look as enlightened as the werewolf. Remus could understand him. They didn't know, if the spell would actually work and if Voldemort would notice it or not.  
  
Snape knew, that he was playing with fire. Should the Dark Lord indeed trace the spell, Dumbledore wouldn't just loose a very potential spy, but the Potions Master would surely loose his life. If not worse.  
  
Dumbledore ended the spell and stone glowed in a faint golden glow for a moment. They could watch the charm sicker into the substance and the light went out. The old wizard didn't touch the stone, he picked it up using a handkerchief. Remus supposed he had charmed it, too, or it would've been useless to bespell the stone anyway.  
  
Dumbledore turned his blue eyes on his Potions professor, a stern expression gracing his features.  
  
"I'm asking you to help us, Severus. Nobody expects you to put your life in danger for Sirius. I'm just asking you to help him."  
  
Snape nodded curtly and Remus gave him a grateful smile. The Death Eater spy had seen and understood it, but his expression only darkened further. He carefully picked the stone up and pocketed it. Then, with a short glance back at Dumbledore he strode out of the room.  
  
The Head Master turned to face Remus. He was still thinking, but the young man could see a flicker of hope pass Dumbledores bright blue eyes.  
  
"Remus, I need you to do some researches for me."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He took a deep breath before he raised his hand and knocked at the door. He heard footsteps and with a slight squeak Harry opened the door of his dormitory to stare at his former professor. Remus noticed Ron and Seamus leaning over their beds behind Harry to see who was at the door.  
  
"Professor? What is it? Are their news fron Sirius?!"  
  
"No Harry, I'm sorry. But I need to talk to you. Now if it you don't mind. This is very important."  
  
The teen gulped uneasily, clearly afraid of what was going to come. He stepped out of the door and silently closed it behind him. He followed the werewolf through the Gryffindor common room and out of the portrait-hole. As they were alone on the hall he started to speak again.  
  
"Professor, is their any way I can help to rescue Sirius?"  
  
Remus looked at him for a moment, then he nodded. They were now standing in front of his quarters and after undoing the locking charms he'd set on the door he and Harry entered. He mentioned the teen to sit down on the couch while he waved his wand in direction of the fireplace. A fire jumped to life and started cracking merrily.  
  
Remus sat down in an armchair and, with another flick of his wand, conjured a tea service out of thin air. Harry looked at him expectantly.  
  
"Professor, what . . ."  
  
"Harry, please don't call me 'professor'.", the werewolf cut him of. " 'Remus' is just fine with me, or 'Moony', if you like. I think you're old enough to do that." He handed the black-haired teen a cup of tea and poured himself one.  
  
"I know what you wanted to ask. To be honest to you, we don't really know if we actually have a chance to free Sirius -" A look of horror passed Harry's face. "- but we do have a plan  
  
The Order developed a new security ward, with which we can trace people, who've come into contact with it. We might get the chance to get an object charmed with that ward into Voldemort's lair. And then we'd have at least an idea, where we've got to head to rescue Sirius.  
  
The problem is, that we don't know how much we'll have to put up with, once we're there." He could see, that Harry was getting an idea of what he was talking about. He didn't seem to be very happy about it. Remus wasn't either.  
  
"You need to know how many Death Eaters might be there, don't you?", he asked, his voice shaking slightly. The emerald eyes he'd inherted from Lily clouded over with sorrow. Remus felt his chest tighten. He shouldn't be putting Harry through this. The boy was suffering enough already.  
  
"I'm really sorry to have to ask you that, Harry.", he said quietly. "But you're the only one who might have an close to exact idea of the number of Voldemort's supporters. And we need to know." He knew that his sympathetic look didn't make it much better for his former student, but he really had no choice. And Dumbledore had been right, Harry would it take much better to speak to him than to any other person.  
  
"Snape can't help you there?"  
  
It sounded like he was a six-year old asking a simple question about the weather. Remus shook his head sadly. Suddenly he was reminded of the last conversation the two of them had had. Somehow he only got to tell Harry bad news. It made his stomach twist a little.  
  
"No. It sounds rather strange, but Voldemort doesn't let his servants know, how many and who they are. Makes spying difficult and tracing the spy much easier."  
  
Harry nodded an gulped. He was staring of in space, apparently thinking. Remus got up and went to his desk. Searching the drawers for a moment he eventually found what he was looking for. He went back to the fireplace, but this time sat down beside Harry.  
  
"You want any choclate?"  
  
The black-haired teen stared up at him with a funny expression on his face. But seeing the man's warm smile his features softened and he leaned back slightly.  
  
"Yeah, thanks."  
  
Remus smiled knowingly and handed him a choclate frog. "It always helps me in such sitiations. Your father and Sirius used to tease me about it." Harry suddenly remembered when he'd first met Remus on the train ride to Hogwarts. After the Dementor had vanished their DADA professor had given each of them a large peace of choclate.  
  
But the mention of Sirius' name brought his mind back on his task. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the names Voldemort had enumerated, at his rebirth. A cold tugging sensation grew in the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it.  
  
"Well, he named Malfoy, Avery and Macnair. He said something about the Lest . . .err, Lestranges. They're in Azkanaban, aren't they?" Remus nodded, listening carefully. Harry went on: "Crabbe and Goyle were there. And Nott. And last year we found out, that Karkaroff is an Death Eater, too."  
  
Remus looked at him quizzically. He'd heard that name before, but couldn't place it.  
  
"He was the Head Master of Durmstrang and came to Hogwarts to the Triwizard Tournament.", Harry explained. And the werewolf remembered. Sirius had told him about it, when he'd come to him with the dark news last summer.  
  
"That's all I know, I think. But he didn't talk to every Death Eater." Harry shuddered as he remembered. Being bound to the old headstone and waiting for Voldemort to kill him. Remus noticed his uneasiness and without thinking put an arm around the boy's shoulder. The gesture wasn't unwelcomed.  
  
"You need to know anything else?", Harry asked quietely.  
  
"You alredy told Dumbledore and Sirius what exactly happened that night, didn't you?" The teen nodded.  
  
"Did you have any dreams recently?"  
  
Harry closed his eyes for a moment to think hard. He had been dreaming about Cedric, but the nightmares had stopped eventually. He wasn't dreaming about Voldemort, at least he couldn' remember it.  
  
"Yeah, but I'm not sure if that had anything to do with Voldemort."  
  
"Could you still tell me?"  
  
The unruly hair bobed up and down as he nodded. "I saw a dark place. It was very big, great halls like Hogwarts, but no light there. As if it was underground. And I've seen Dementores." He suddered involuntery and Remus squeezed his shoulder gently.  
  
"At least I think that were Dementores. Long cloaks, very tall and thin. Didn't see their faces. Erm, there weren't many of them, only a few. Then there was a flash of light. Oddly shaped, like a sword or something like that."  
  
Harry paused and took a bit from the choclate frog. Remus waited patiently, but eventually asked:  
  
"What happened then?"  
  
Harry frowned, still chewing on the choclate. He swallowed it down to speak.  
  
"I don't know. Sometimes it just ended there. Or I didn't remember it when I woke up. I tink the Dementor or what it was got kinda sliced open by the light and then vanished. Everything else was dark. Odd dream isn't it?"  
  
Remus nodded.  
  
"I'd just like to know what it was you saw."  
  
Harry shrugged. "Maybe it got killed?"  
  
The tawny-haired man looked at him. "Killed?"  
  
"Can't Dementores be killed?"  
  
"Well, I dodn't know of a spell that would do that. Which doesn't have to mean anything. News spells get invented on daily basis. More or less useful."  
  
"Could Voldemort have invented some spell to kill Dementores?"  
  
Nodding slowly, Remus tried to comprehend the idea forming in his mind. What if he didn't kill them? What if just sucked the thing he neede out of them? Blood. The werewolf didn't know that Dementors actually had blood are something related to it. But Voldemort was using it and he was sure of, that Harry had dreamt how to get to Dementor's blood.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
He was pulled back to reality and facing Harry's concerned face.  
  
"Harry, I need you to do something. Whenever you dream something like that again, write it down and inform me oe the Head master immediately." 


	18. Worrisome

Hey everybody, I'm back again!!!  
  
I'm sorry that it took so long to update, I know I promised to hurry up with this chapter - but that was before OotP. *sigh* Oh, and for everyone who isn't done with the book yet or didn't start: THIS IS A SPOILER!  
  
Just wanted to warn you. I was so utterly shattered when I finished OotP. I couldn't believe she did that. Why the hell did she have to kill Sirius? There was no need for it at all, it was simply a senseless muder! Oh well, I guess I should rant somewhere else about that, you surely want to read something else. But I simply needed to say that.  
  
Anyway, I pondered the book a long time, and I pondered my own story even longer. And in the ned I decided to simply ignore the fact, that Sirius died in the books. In my stories he will live on, so you can make yourself warm for a flood of Sirius-centric AUs.  
  
Ok, now I really want to thank you for your reviews, you've no idea how much they helped me to go on!  
  
noraseyes: I don't know if I already commented your review, but Thanks anyway! I hope you'll read on!  
  
Lisande: Thank you! I'm glad you like it, 'cause I plan to write some more of it. This chapter contains some (very poor) attempts at mental Remus- torture, but I'll write more soon, promise! Well, you already know what I think about OotP . . . When comes your next chapter?  
  
Sylvia: Thanks for your review! It got you confused? Good, I hoped it would! *grins* But don't worry, he'll be rescued soon, and then I plan LOTS of Siri-Remy-friendship fluff! He'll get his break and a fair share of petting-on-the-head!!!  
  
A.Dee: Thank you for reviewing! Yes, I am a big Padfoot-fan and I took OotP VERY bad. To be honest I still think it was the worst HP-book I read so far. J.K. really disappointed me. But I will not let this happen to Siri in my story, he'll live on!!!  
  
Zephelia: Thanks so much for reviewing! It's always nice to see a new name on the list! ;)  
  
Someone Reading: Thanks for your review! And no, I won't follow OotP, don't worry. I feel the same way you do, poor Siri . . .  
  
SnuffSnuff: Thanks! I'm really trying to stay good, and I hope you still like it. See ya in the next Angst fic! ;)  
  
karno-L: Thanks very much! I'll try, thanks for the tip!  
  
mette: Thank you! I'm really glad you liked it. I hope you like this chapter, too!  
  
All right, now enjoy the next chapter:  
  
Worrisome  
  
"Ah, Severus! I'm delighted to see that you eventually decided to follow my call."  
  
The high-pitched voice rang in his ears and his heart began to thump faster. He stepped in front of the throne Voldemort was occupying, fell to one knee and bowed deeply. Then he inched forward and kissed the hem of his master's robes. He didn't dare to look up until a dismissal "Stand up!" bristled over him.  
  
"I'm deeply sorry for my late arrival, My Lord, but I was not able to leave Hogwarts until now. I beg you to forgive my belateness, Master.", he murmured quietly. Red orbs where looming at him dangerously as Voldemort narrowed his eyes at him.  
  
"I do not forgive, Severus. And I do not forget. But I might be willing to accept."  
  
Snape knew what the words meant. 'Work hard, don't make mistakes and show me your loyality.' He felt cold sweat sliding down his neck. Voldemort was still staring at him unblinkingly, but then he waved his hand impatiently to the other Death Eaters in the room. The scurried out as fast as their legs would carry them.  
  
Slowly Voldemort rose to his feet, towering over Snape threatingly, like a hawk ready to attack. One of his white, spider-like hands reached into the folds of his cloak and, red glowing eyes not leaving the Potions Master's face, he pulled out his wand. Snape gulped.  
  
With a swish of his wand the entrances leading into the room shut with a booming noise. Silence followed. The snake-like face was still turned on him and now the wand rose until it was looming over the black-haired man's head.  
  
"I do not forgive, Severus. And here I thought you learned you lesson fourteen years ago.", he whispered softly, the words sweeping over the professor like an icy-cold winter breeze.  
  
"Crucio!"  
  
Pain exploded inside his body; he lost all controll as his knees buckled under him. He hit the floor and a screaching cry of pain ripped from his throat. He writhed on the ground, as white-hot daggers seemed to sink into every inch of his skin. He was dying; he was burning. 'STOP!', his mind screamed in agony.  
  
And suddenly it was over. He lay panting at Voldemort's feet, trying to get himself under controll. Standing up on shaky legs he forced himself to meet the crimson eyes again. Voldemort was smiling cruelly at him.  
  
"Now, that we are done with the diciplinary measures we may as well start on important matters. What did you find?" The freezing smile was still present in the corners of his mouth. Snape cleared his throat silently.  
  
"I found a formula of a potion that's imitating the effect of Dementors, but it doesn't last long, ten minutes at the most. Then there's an old prescription for a potion called 'Cold-heart Draught', it lessens the effect Dementors have on humans, but not much. -"  
  
Voldemort cut him off impatiently.  
  
"Is that all?"  
  
The Potions master took a deep breath. "A solution that erases negative memories, but only temporarily. Demetor scales are one of the main ingredients."  
  
Voldemort was watching him like a hunter his prey. Snape's lips refused to part, but he didn't have anything else to say anyway. He could practically feel how the red orbs burnt into him.  
  
"Nothing else?" The voice sounded threating. The professoe felt his heart leap into his throat. He forced a shake of his head.  
  
"No Sire, nothing else.", he croaked with a voice hihger than usual, disgusted by his own weakness.  
  
Voldemort didn't say anything but motioned Snape to follow him. He marched after the Dark Lord silently, trying to make his steps firm and confident. The thought that he was doing this because of Black made cold fury flare up in his chest. That idiot would kill them all!  
  
They passed a few other Death Eaters, which bowed and murmured in shushed voices. The Potions master didn't recognize one of them under their masks, but by the way they quivered and trembled at the sight of the snake-like face belonging to their master, he was sure most of them were new recruites.  
  
They went down another dark hall and with an impatient wave of his skelettal hand Voldemort shooed the two Death Eaters standing near the wall away. Now alone he tapped his wand on one stone in the solid brickwall. Like the gate leading to Diagon Alley the stones parted and formed a passageway.  
  
Voldemort stepped inside and Snape braced himself to follow. As he entered his eyes fell in a corner of the damp cell. He bit back a gasp of horror.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus was sitting on the window still and gazed down to the dark school grounds. He could see the lake, the dark water glittering on its smooth surface as a crescent moon cast milky light over it. A howling sound could be heard from the Forbidden Forest.  
  
His mind however, was far away. The werewolf hadn't been able to sleep for the past two days, and tonight was no exception. Sirius. His friend was the only thing he'd been able to think about and worryhad become his constant shadow.  
  
He felt useless. There was nothing he could do, except waiting for Snape to bring information in what shape Sirius was and if there was any chance to free him. Remus was sure there was and it made him angry that they hadn't found it yet.  
  
His thoughts drifted to the night when the Animagus had come to him after alarming the old crowd of Voldemort's rebirth. Covered in dirt, half- starved and nearly asleep on his feet. Remus had pulled him in before he could faint on his doorstep.  
  
Half an hour later he had his friend fed, bathed and tugged in bed, earning a grateful smile and whispered thanks before the black-haired wizard slipped off to sleep. He remembered being shocked at the news Sirius had brought, although he had expected Peter to return to his old master after the fiasco in the Shrieking Shack.  
  
The news of Cedric's death had weighted heavy onto his stomach and he didn't sleep that night. Which maybe was lucky, cause it was then, that Sirius' nightmares started. He'd heard soft cries from the bedroom and bedclothes rustling.  
  
When he'd entered the room his friend was tossing and turning, his forehead shiny with cold sweat, muttering silent pleas for his imaginair torturer to stop and leave him alone. Remus had rushed over to him and shaken him awake.  
  
Confused and scared as he was Sirius lashed out and tried to scramble away, resulting in boxing Remus' ears and tumbling out of bed himself. The werewolf's surprised cry and the pain shooting through his back had brought him back to reality and for a moment he simply stared into his friend's eyes, not knowing what to say.  
  
Remus had come around the bed to look if he was all right, and Sirius had quickly cast his eyes to the floor and mumbled an apology. His face had been crimson with shame and Remus had the impression that he wanted to crawl under the nearest stone and hide there for the rest of his live. It had taken the werewolf a good hour to get him back to sleep and asure him to think nothing of the incident.  
  
The scene had repeated itself regulary since then, Sirius waking from a nightmare, bathed in cold sweat and sometimes so sickened by his dreams that he would bring his dinner back up. Remus had comforted him, trying to help him, supporting him until sleep and exhausition took over again. The bad dreams had not lessened much in the six months his friend had living with him.  
  
But it had brought the two closer together. Remus knew what his friend needed after the nightmares or when depression took hold of him. Sirius had tried everything to show how grateful he was for the friendship and support he was offered, returning care and affection whenever he could.  
  
With a sigh Remus got up and started pacing the dark room again. Half an hour ago he had sent Sparky away and off to bed or what ever those house- elves did at night. The big, shiny eyes, drenched with sympathy, had followed him around the whole afternoon and at some point past ten the werewolf simply lost his calmness and pleaded the house-elf to leave him alone.  
  
He wondered what Sirius was doing right now. If he was able to do anything at all. Was he scared? Did he hurt? Did he think nobody was looking for him? Was he waiting to be rescued or had he simply lost it all together, just wishing himself dead? Was he dead?  
  
Remus shook his head firmly, willing those dark thoughts away. Sirius wasn't dead. He couldn't be. 'It's stupid to kill him - yet. And Voldmort isn't stupid.', he explained to himself. The thouhgt seemed rational and it was enough to hold on until he knew more.  
  
'Sirius will be all right. We will find a way to rescue him. He surrived Azkaban for twelve years, he can do this.'  
  
He tried to keep thinking in this direction. But pictures from Sirius crossed his mind, pushing away his self-reasurances. He saw Sirius, waking from a nightmare. Sirius huddled in a cell in Azkaban. Sirius sitting alone in a dark cave, shivering from cold.  
  
With a wolf-like whine Remus put his hands over his ears and tried hard to conentrate on good thoughts. 'Sirius will be all right, we will rescue him, we will take care of him. He will be ok -' But it didn't help.  
  
The pictures kept coming back and he found himself unable to keep his dark thoughts at bay. It was all his fault. He had believed Sirius guilty of the murder of Lily and James. He had been sure Sirius had slaughtered all those muggles in the street. He had thought Sirius deserved Azkaban.  
  
If it hadn't been for him, Sirius would be free now. They would have sent Wormtail to Azkaban, Voldemort would have never returned, all these senseless murders would have never happened. If Sirius thought he was at fault, Remus was ten times guiltier.  
  
Mute tears slid down his cheeks and the werewolf sank onto a chair. His chest was tight and felt like it was going to burst. He tried to stop the tears in vain; his conscience went on sending pictures, memories and visions through his head, one more disturbing than the other.  
  
Remus didn't move from the chair for the rest of the night. The crescent moon slowly made it's way across the dark sky, before the clouds in the east began to turn pale blue and pink. It seemed to watch the man with a bitter look of sympathy, until it vanished into the upcoming daylight.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"You see, my supposotion was right indeed. The blood shows remarkable effects." The cold voice echoed through the cell and it made the Potions master shiver. His eyes though were still glued to the farest corner of the small room. It was occupied by their lost madman - but unlike normal Snape didn't smirk at his own joke.  
  
Black looked up at him. The pale eyes were bruised and bloodshot but the look they had made a cold shudder run down his spine. They were dead. No expression, no sparkle of mischief, no intelligent lustre, not even something like anger or fear. Nothing at all.  
  
He forced himself to look away and found Voldemort staring at him. Trying not to let any emotion he might feel show he nodded and took a few steps towards the man on the ground, as if interested.  
  
Black was curled up in a tight ball, his knees pressed to his chest uncomfortably. He was cold, Snape could see him tremble slightly. He craddled his right arm against his belly, pressing his dirt- and blood- starined robe against it. He was breathing very slowly  
  
Still Voldemort didn't move, and Snape recognized the sign. He clutched the stone in his pocket and lowly crouched down to examine Black's arm, feeling very light-headed. The Animagus was staring at him, his face still blank of any emotion.  
  
With a swift motion he reached out and grabbed the emaciated arm, ignoring Black's flinch, as pain soared up his arm. The other man turned away from him and as Snape grabbed his shoulder to force him still he dropped the stone behind Black's back. The Animagus looked up at him with blank gaze, but the Potions master was sure that he'd noticed.  
  
He kept his face an icy mask. Showing emotion now under the eyes of the Dark Lord himself would be a sure death sentence, and Dumbledore couldn't afford loosing his spy. Black tried to pull away again, but Snape gave his arm a merciless jerk and twisted his own, so his elbow pressed the man's upper arm down.  
  
Unable to move, Black quitted his silent protests, the dead look in his eyes more pronounced than ever. Snape though didn't pay attention to his face anymore he stared at the wound. It was covered in dirty blisters; blood and pus seeping from the open skin. It's edges were growing black, probably with dirt and dead tissue.  
  
He noticed how cold the Black's skin was, as if there was no bodyheat at all. He looked up at the Animagus, trying to ignore the staring gaze as he reached up and felt his forehead, making sure the other man's head cracked against the wall behind them. There was a small whimper, but it died quickly in Black's throat.  
  
He was cold there, too; it was as if Snape was examining a corpse. And the way the prisoner kept staring at him didn't make it better. He let go of him and stood up again, sneering down at Black with disgust.  
  
"Yes, they are remarkable. Your idea is that of a genius, My Lord." He hesitated a moment before asking the next question, being well aware that, if Voldmort interpreted it wrong, he was as good as dead.  
  
"How will we use the blood, Sire?"  
  
Voldemort gave a soft laugh, high-pitched and cold. Black flinched, but idn't react further. He was curled up again, his eyes closed tightly. The Dark Lord took a step forward and with a swift flick of his wand, his prisoner was lifted up, chains rattling, until their faces were on the same height.  
  
The Animagus hadn't given any sound of pain or fear. Slowly, as if with great effort, he lifted his head and stared Voldemort right in the eye. For a moment there was something like defiance shimmering in his hollow orbs, but then his gaze closed up again. Snape had to admit, that he was impressed by the courage Black showed.  
  
Voldemort seemed rather unimpressed, but amused by the man's attitude. He reached out a spidery white hand and gently lifted Black's chin towards him. Pain flickered through the dark-haired man's features at the contact though the rest of his body didn't react.  
  
"Look into those eyes, Severus. He's trying hard to withstand. He's not broken yet. I have to admit that I'm slightly impressed by his persistence. But we have time.", he added lazily, in a mocking tone as he stared into Black's eyes.  
  
Suddenly he turned away, letting go of his prisoner and the Animagus crashed to the ground with a sickening 'Thud!' He made a chocking noise as he supressed a cry of pain, and now Snape saw clearly how pure hatred flashed in his eyes. It was gone the next second.  
  
He silently pondered how long Black would be able to resist. Or better to survive. His bodily shape was bad enough and if he didn't get any water and food soon that would likely be the case.  
  
He tore his eyes away from the crumpled man and turned around as well. Without looking back he followed Voldemort out of the cell. Snape flinched slightly as the stonewall shut itself with soft clicking noises.  
  
A/N: Ok, that was chapter 18. And I really worked hard to get it out, so now I would like to know what you're thinking. Personelly I think I screwed up at the Remus-scene. I'll try to be better next time!  
  
So if there was anything you liked, didn't like (like my spelling, for example ;) ), hated, laughed at and so on - PLEASE TELL ME; I NEED TO KNOW!!!  
  
All right, I'll go on and write the next chapter, see you there! Oh, I nearly forgot: Check out my new fic "Runaway". It's about the night Sirius ran away from his parents and I'd really like to know what you think about it.  
  
lara 


	19. Flight

FINALLY!!! I managed to upload a new chapter!!! I know this took even longer than the last one, and I'm really sorry that I kept you waiting so long. Summer holidays eventually arrived and I was away from anything I could write on for two weeks. I still hope you haven't given up on me (though you'd have a reason, sniff! *bows head*)  
  
This chapter is somewhat of an birthday present to myself (I turned 16 the on Tuesday! I'm a big girl now!!!) and because I like Sirius so much there isn't too much Siri-torture in this chapter. It's one with a happy end!!! (doesn't mean the story is over, mind you)  
  
All your reviews kept me going and for that I'm really grateful. I'd probably given up by now if it wasn't for you! THANKS TO ALL REVIEWERS!!!  
  
Someone Reading: Thanks for reviewing! Maybe you should change your name into Someone STILL Reading, at least if you're reading this now! ;) I'm glad you liked the Remus-scene, I found it really hard to write. There's another one in this chapter, too, but I still think I need to practice torturing everybody's favorite werewold. (sounds good, huh?) I think you should be proud of your father, I don't know many men how show openly what they feel. I hate people who say that it's weak!  
  
Sylvia: Thank you! Well, if you liked it, you can look forward to another in this chapter! Of course you're right about OotP. Though I must say that I'd like it batter if the title was SIRIUS BLACK and the Order of the Phoenix :) I just think that it was pointless to let him die, it wouldn't've been necessary. But it's her book, right? Don't wanna know what she'd do if she knew what I'm doing with her characters . . .  
  
mette: Thanks! Well, the part wasn't very hard to write, because Snape is such a git! ;)  
  
cestari: Thank you! Ok, it's not that I didn't like the book, I just didn't like the ending. That wasn't necessary. I mean what's Harry gonna do now without him? At least we know that he'll be with the Dursleys during summer until he's old enough to get his own place. About the bolt of light: Hey, I didn't say that this was a Killing Curse! I just think that it's about that arch: it seems to be some sort of portal to the death. But anyway it's nice to see that there's still hope out there! :) Of course it would be great if they could get him back! Somewhere I heard a rumor (was before OotP) saying that the victory over Voldemort depends if they can prove Sirius innocent. Don't know who said that or if it was confirmed. But it gives hope, doesn't it?  
  
noraseyes: Thank you! Hope you're still reading, even though I was away for so long!  
  
Lisande: Thanks for reviewing! I don't understand my problem with Remus- scenes either. I just write them and hope you people like them. ;) Don't worry, I'll be following your story as soon as possibe (Hope ff.net lets me *grumble*) ! Lets see if you like the next chapter, too . . .  
  
MoonTrance: Thank you for reviewing! Sorry I took so long again *sigh* I'm sooooo slow . . . Nice to know that there are other people out there in denial! :) That's what fanfics are for, right? (I didn't know that you were reading this before . . .)  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! No need to worry, as I've already said: this is a very Sirius-friendly chapter ( He really earned that break!) Hope you like the next Remus-scene, too . . .  
  
daniz: Thank you! Hope you still raed this, it's been a (very, very long) while, huh? Don't worry about Sirius, he'll be alright! Yeah, I do fail without spell chack. My stupid computer doesn't do it anymore. Wonder why? Maybe I should quit calling it stupid . . . Anyway, enjoy this chapter!  
  
sirius the homocidial maniac: I simply love that name . . .*gg* Well, thank you for reviewing! Yeah what's up with the rock? You've no idea how long I've been brooding over that! Wanna see Sirius brooding? Then I suggest you read this chapter . . .  
  
Sally Lupin-Black: Thanks for reviewing! Don't worry, I WILL write more Sirius-stories . . . but that might take a while, I'm as slow as a . . . how do you call these slime things that creep around in the garden and eat salad? Well, anyway I'm glad that you liked it! I'm looking forward to the "patted-on-the-head"-part, too!! ;)  
  
Ok, so now lets come to the (hopefully) interesting part of the update. Chapter19!  
  
PS: My computer quitted spell checking so I had to do it myself. And due to the fact that I'm not very good at it, the story is probably stacked with misspellings and grammar-mistakes. If it gets unbearable you can e-mail me and send a few flames and I will make you my beta (because I REALLY need one) ;)  
  
Enjoy the story:  
  
Flight  
  
Sirius was shaking with cold. He could've sworn that the temperature in the small cell had dropped even lower when Voldmort had entered. He was pressing his arm to his stomach, trying to make the pain stop.  
  
Snape.  
  
Hate dimly glowed through the freezing cold in his chest. What was that bastard doing? Sirius knew that Dumbledore believed his Potions master faithful, but he didn't share that trust. Once a Daeth Eater, always a Death Eater.  
  
'At least', he thought bitterly, 'it's easier to think clearly now.' He didn't know if it was for the pain still flowing through his system or for the disgust that bubbled up in his chest as he thought of Snape, but he'd been able to grab rational thoughts again.  
  
He shifted slightly and tensed up as he suddenly felt something press in the small of his back. There hadn't been anything before in this cell. His thoughts flowed back to the unpleasant meeting earlier. Snape had dropped something behind his back.  
  
He hesitated to reach out and take it. Again he wondered what the slimy git was planning. Did Dumbledore send him? Maybe he would help him? The thought nearly made him snort. He was sure that the slimeball had enjoyed their 'meeting' earlier.  
  
He pulled himself together and carefully let go of his injured arm. Clenching his teeth and trying to ignore the throbbing pain he twisted around slightly and reached behind his back. His hand inched foreward slowly and after what seemed like an eternity his fingrtips brushed over a cool smooth surface . . . and were stopped in midair.  
  
The chain holding his wrists gave a quiet rattle as it was pulled straight. He wrinkled his brow and streched out his hand with something like desperation growing in the pit of his stomach. Suddenly it seemed to be very important to get the thing in his hands. He had to reach it.  
  
He twisted around a little further and once more the tips of his fingers made ghostly contact with the thing Snape had dropped. 'Come on, just a little futher.', he thought desperatly and streched his hand out as far as possible.  
  
His fingertips came to rest on the thing again. He froze, trying not to loose contact. Slowly, very slowly, he pulled his hand back, fingertips pressing on the mysterious thing. The small scratchy noise echoed in his ears and he only just now realized that his heart was beating furiously.  
  
When it finally came into reach he carefully picked the thing up, as though it would shatter any moment. His fingers curled around the smooth surface and he slowly pulled his arm from behind his back, the chain dragged over the rough stone floor. He stared at his fist for a few moments, then slowly opened his hand.  
  
A stone.  
  
He frowned at it slightly. He was sure that Snape had dropped this, there wasn't anything else lying on the floor. Snape had given him a stone. He felt something inside him crack. That bastard had given him a stone. Did he know what he'd done to him?  
  
Of course he did, or he wouldn't have risked being caught by the Dark Lord himself. For a moment Sirius had really hoped, had believed that help would come. That they would get him out of here. And that mercyless asshole had known it.  
  
He could imagine Snape's delight at the glint of hope in his eyes. That wasn't just a trick played on him. With this cruel joke something inside Sirius had shattered. They didn't want him back. He felt sick.  
  
Maybe they didn't even care about him being held prisoner by Voldemort. Had they even tried to rescue him? Sirius hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. Despair and hopelessness started to boil up in his chest.  
  
He didn't want to die here. Harry needed him. The Order needed him. He had to help, he couldn't stay here. 'Oh, they need you, do they? What for? They're glad that they got rid of you, traitor!'  
  
'Not you again! Go away!', Sirius thought back angrily. He was too tired to go through another discussion like this. The voice didn't belong to James. It was evil. It wasn't real. Or was it? But James would never say such things - would he?  
  
'They don't need you, bastard. They made that pretty clear, didn't they? Go on and die, you'll do us all a favour!  
  
Sirius pressed his palms against his temples. He shook his head, trying to will the small voice out of it. 'I don't believe you, you're lying! Leave me alone!' The pain in his arm was getting worse again and he felt like he was going to be sick.  
  
'Come on, you know I'm right! They'll just get in trouble with you. Who wants a murderer for a godfather anyway? Harry's glad you're gone, just as everyone else. Face it traitor, you dying is the best for everyone.'  
  
Sirius buried his face in his hands, nails digging deep into skin and flesh. It took him a few minutes to realize, that he was bleeding, but he didn't care. He had to get out of here, or this would drive him crazy within the next few days. If he wasn't nuts already.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus was sitting in Dumbledore's office again. His eyes were itchy and his whole body was aching, but he still was far from being able to sleep. The Headmaster was surveying the dark rings under his eyes with concern, but didn't say anything.  
  
A knock at the door startled the two of them. Snape entered with a grim expression plastered on his pale face. Remus' stomach dropped. That could only be a bad sign. Dumbledore gestured for his potions master to sit and the professer sank into the armchair tiredly.  
  
"Well? How bad is it?"  
  
Remus heart sank even lower at the old wizard's grave voice. Obviously Dumbledore wasn't very optimistic about Sirius' condition. Snape cleared his throat.  
  
"He's still alive.", he answered, hesitating to say more. After a few moments of silence he went on: "He's injured. There's a rather large cut in his arm, probably were He injected the blood. He was conscious, but nearly unresponsive."  
  
"He could've supressed it.", Remus cut in, as if to make himself hopeful.  
  
"Possible.", Snape remarked dryly, in a voice that declared how much he doubted what the werewolf had said. He looked at Dumbledore again, who hadn't said anything at all, but was watching the Potions master with a mixture of expectance and grief.  
  
"The wound seemed to be infected. He was very cold. From what He said Black hasn't spoken at all nor did he show any sign of resignation. Though they think it's just a matter of time I asume that he can cope with the psychical distress. I'm more concerned about his bodily shape. Looks like he hasn't been given any food or water."  
  
Remus didn't know if he should be relieved or even more worried. That Sirius might break under the mental torture had been his biggest fear, but if Snape was right he'd need their help as fast as possible. The guilt nagging at his insides grew a little more.  
  
"Did you give him the stone?" Dumbledore's voice was calm. He seemed to take Sirius' resistance as a good sign.  
  
"Yes. I dropped it behind him and I guess he noticed, too. But will he know what to do with it?", Snape directed the question at Dumbledore, clearly doubting. The Headmaster shook his head slowly.  
  
"No, he won't."  
  
Both Remus and Snape stared at him. For a moment the werewolf felt anger flaring up in his chest. What had all this been for then? Snape seemed to wonder about the very same question and it was obvious that he was angry. Dumbledore stared right back at them, with an expression Remus had never seen before on him.  
  
Was he daring them to argue? Snape was looking at the Headmaster disbelieving. Remus felt the sudden urge to shake the old wizard and demand an explanation, while he was shaking his head slowly.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He felt the strong urge to throw himself against the wall. Maybe it would crumple? Then he could flee and get away from this horrible place. Maybe he should look for Snape before going into hiding again. Surely nobody would mind if he throttled him for being a cruel cold-hearted bastard.  
  
Sirius was following his own thoughts with interest. It was funny, but he felt like he was an outsider watching himself brood. But the train of thought was familiar to him. As if . . . as if it wasn't the first time he was thinking like that. That was good sign, wasn't it?  
  
He was looking at the wall, still wondering if he could break through all by himself. Probably not. It seemed very solid. He absentmindly traced a scar that ran over his right shoulder. In Azkaban he'd tried to do that and as far as he remembered it hadn't worked.  
  
But he had escaped from Azkaban. He hadn't always been in this cell, had he? But what if he had just dreamed that he broke out? That meeting Harry, telling the truth to Remus, working for Dumbledore, being captured by the Death Eaters wasn't true; just something he'd dreamed up in a lonely night in his cell?  
  
His cell. His cell had looked different. It hadn't been so big. And there had been a window. One couldn't see much through it, but it had been there. And the walls. There had been pictures on the walls. He had drawn them.  
  
To remind himself of his past. Of good memories. He had found some stones that he could draw with and written on the walls and the floor. Names, dates, places, poems, even stories. It had helped distracting himself. And he could look at them if he forgot about himself.  
  
There weren't pictures on the walls. This wasn't his cell, he wasn't in Azkaban. Was that a good thing? Or not? Had he wanted to get out of Azkaban? Yes. Yes, he had. But how had he gotten out of there? He had escaped, hadn't he? But how?  
  
Sirius thought about that. He wondered why he had forgotten. It seemed to be very important. It was important. He had sneaked out of the door. So that they didn't notice. They had been cold and dark and horrible. Just like this cell.  
  
He looked around, as if hoping there would appear a door somewhere. It didn't. He sank back, somewhat disappointed. And frustated. And angry. Very angry, and as he remembered that Snape had come through the door he got even angrier. That bastard had given him a stone instead of telling how to open the door.  
  
He noticed that he was holding the stone, altough he didn't remember picking it up again. It seemed to be good for at least one thing: the voices kept quiet and he was grateful for it. He wondered what else he could do with the stone.  
  
Still frowning he placed it on the dirty cell floor in front of him, careful not to move his injured arm too much. The stone and his anger had distracted him from the pain. Maybe Snape had done something good eventually.  
  
He watched the stone attentively, as if waiting for it to do something. The stone however didn't even think about doing anything. After a few minutes he let out a sigh as if disappointed by the results of his experiment and picked it up again.  
  
When his fingertips touched the surface of the little item a tingling sesation rushed through his hand. He pulled back apruptly, clenching his teeth as his injured arm practically screamed in pain. After the first shock had passed, he suspiciously looked at the small stone again.  
  
It hadn't moved, nor had it changed or anything. It just lay there and dared him to reach out again. Sirius knew that feeling; one sometimes could feel it: magic. The stone was bespelled or something and it obviously was a very powerful spell or curse or whatever it was.  
  
Why hadn't he felt it the first time? Had he done something to trigger that reaction? Against better knowledge he touched it, just for a few seconds, but this time it behaved like a normal stone.  
  
This was odd. What was that thing doing? He touched it again, bolder this time and let his fingers linger on it for some moments before drawing away again. Nothing. Scraping up some more courage he picked it up and held it in his hand, ready to drop it any moment. But the stone didn't do anything.  
  
'Maybe it likes me? Or does it try to trick me into something?', he thought with a frown.  
  
'Oh come on, now you're really loosing it! It's a STONE.'  
  
The voice that had appeared in the back of his mind let him jump two feet in the air and he dropped the stone.  
  
'No, not you again, go away!', he thought back desperatly. He wouldn't be able to put up with this now, he was feeling very labile already. But unlike usual the voice kept quiet and didn't taunt him. Now this was odd again.  
  
And then he recognised it. It had been there much longer then the evil one. It just sometimes appeared to tell him to stop being an idiot. The one that Remus thought didn't exsist, just because he ignored it most of the time.  
  
A smile spread over his face. Maybe he should name it, so he wouldn't confuse them. But at the same moment he realized that he was really going nuts. It wasn't good to hear one voice, but having several of them . . .  
  
Resigned Sirius put his head in his hands. He really was going mad. Twelve years in Azkaban obviously hadn't passed on him untouched. That, or the stuff he had been given was taking effect very quickly. He wanted to cry out in despair.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus has been wandereing the halls for nearly an hour now. Dumbledore had told them to go and wait for futher instructions. At first both of his two former students had refused to go and asked for an explanation. The Headmaster however had repeated his request in a calm voice that clearly said that the subject was closed.  
  
Remus had followed the request reluctantly. He'd always trusted his former professor, even if the old wizard's decitions sometimes had been far beyond him. But this felt different. Seemingly Dumbledore refused to help Sirius, and Remus didn't understand it.  
  
He had been worrying himself mad for a few days now. What if his friend wouldn't surrive this imprisonment? Or if he really cracked under the torture? He would never forgive himself for that. Never.  
  
Was that how Sirius felt about Lily and James? He had never had the chance to say good-bye to them. Not being able to explain himself and ask his dead friends for forgiveness had pulled hard on the Animagus. Remus sometimes thought that he was maybe overreacting, with all the things going on right now and Harry being so much danger.  
  
He had been sure that, once Azkaban had loosened its grip on Sirius enouhg, he'd be able to cope with everything and learn to live with it. But now he understood Sirius just all too good. Imagining that the Animagus had lived with this burden for more than fourteen years made him incredibly sad.  
  
While going through the dark halls, pictures of a wet, dimly lit cell came to his mind. He saw his friend tied to the wall, blood-strained and unconscious, bruises and curse-marks all over his body.  
  
He stopped to lean against a windowstill, clenching his eyes shut and trying to will the imagines away. Sirius was all right, he had to be. He would be of no use to them if he wasn't. Raking sweat-damp hands through his hair Remus stared up to the dark sky, a strong urge to scream in despair welling up in his chest.  
  
It wasn't fair to Sirius. He'd been through so much already. It was bad enough that he was still unable to prove his innocence and had to live worse than a street mutt at times. If he'd die now, than for what? He knew his friend and dying without being a use to somebody in the last seconds of his live was one of the worst things he could imagine.  
  
Worthless. Sirius had always been afraid to his friends. It was one of the major things that haunted him when he was dreaming about Lily and James. How he'd been unable to protect them. It had ripped at Remus heart to listen to his friend speaking like that.  
  
After Dumbledore had introduced him to the other members of the Order and explained what had happened in that fateful Halloween night fiveteen years ago, not much had believed in Sirius' innocence so willingly. He'd once witnessed Raphaella Winterspoon muttering about 'the worthless turncoat scum' while sitting next to Sirius.  
  
How the colour had drained from his friend's face, his tense back and his blank-forced expression for the rest of one meeting. This and other sharp side-remarks had made Sirius loose more and more faith in the other Ordermembers and in himself.  
  
Remus swallowed hard, he just now noticed the tears welling up in eyes. If it hadn't been for him . . .  
  
Between the painful stings of guilt he felt rage towards Wormtail. He had betrayed them all. He'd killed Lily and James, he had made life hell for both Sirius and Remus. And he was the reason that they all were fighting this war a second time now.  
  
He leaned his forehead against the window and closed his eyes, a single tear gliding down his cheek. He would make it up to Sirius, he would not let him down again. No matter at what cost . . .  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Sirius brooded. In the small cell he quickly got bored and if he let boredom get the better of him, the visions would come again. And the claustrophobic attacks. And the voices. So he was doing his best not to get bored.  
  
And the best thing to do to prevent himself from getting bored was brooding. He was brooding over the stone. If he concentrated onto it, the thing seemed to get some kind of energy.  
  
He was convinced that it held a spell that could absorb magical energy, which was required to do magic, especially wandless magic. And then spill that energy . . . like a blast. A small dose had numbed his hand for the better part of two hours, at least as far as he could tell. So what could more of this energy do?  
  
He had learned this all in school, he was sure of it. Azkaban had made him forget so much. After thinking his theory over again and again he decided that there was no other way to explain it. And that it was time to use it . . .  
  
He picked the stone up and held it close to his face, as if pleading it to work with him. Then he placed it in front of him, so that it couldn't be missed by somebody standing right before him. Then he sat back and waited.  
  
He was ice-cold by now, so cold that he could feel his own teeth clattering quietly. He found it hard to move, but mercyfully the throbbing pain in his arm was numbed slightly by the cold. And if he was lucky . . .  
  
After what seemed to be an eternity that he'd spent concentrating on the small stone in front of him the wall in front of him started to shake slightly and slowly the hidden door formed again. Please, please let it be . . .  
  
Fate was kind to him at least once and a hooded figure carrying a tray entered. The Death Eater sneered down at him, obviously not happy about his task. He muttered something about wasted talents under his breath and marched up to the prisoner chained to the wall.  
  
Sirius looked up at him with deep sunken eyes; he didn't have to make an effort to look haunted. He kept his face a stone-like mask, blank of any emotion and after making sure that the Death Eater had caught his gaze lowered it back to the stone in front of him and gave a small sigh, as if adressing it. The Death Eater stopped in his tracks, watching him suspiciously.  
  
He looked over his shoulder as if checking that he wasn't being watched. Seemingly this was the case, because he placed the tray on the cell floor and slowly stepped up to the Animagus. He followed his stare and noticed the stone lying there in front of him.  
  
Sirius could almost see him smirk under the mask; obviously he believed him mad. With a snort he bend down to pick it up. Maybe he could have some fun if he stripped the maniac huddling there in the corner of his little 'friend'. Because the mad idiot seemingly thought of it as 'company'.  
  
As his fingertips made contact with the smooth surface of the stone, there was a bright flash of light and the Death Eater went down on the floor, stunned. Sirius poked him with his foot carefully and then let a smile spread over his face.  
  
He extended his good hand and let it slink into the man's wand-pocket. He pulled the long wooden stick out and looked at it for a moment. Realizing that he probably didn't have much time he freed himself of the shackles holding his wrists and shakily got to his feet.  
  
Deciding that four feet would serve him better on his flight he transformed into the giant black dog and snuck out of the cell as silent as a ghost . . .  
  
AN: So he finally managed to get out of this hell-hole! Isn't he great? So smart and brave! I love him!!! Now he just needs to get home and heal properly and to get "patted on the head". And everybody's happy. At least I think so.  
  
Now I'm really interested what you think about it! If the different POV's were very confusing, if the plot with the stone simply was lame, if the evil voice wasn't evil but just honest . . .or if you liked it! No matter what you think about it, I WANT TO KNOW!  
  
Just send a review and you'll make me the happiest girl on this world! ;)  
  
See you next chapter! 


	20. Long Way Home

Hello everybody! Still reading? Good! Because I really worked hard for this chapter. And I wasn't the only one!  
  
Big, BIG THANKS to my (brandnew!) beta Lisande!!!  
  
Sylvia: Thans so much for reviewing (and for congratulating :) )! Don't worry, I don't plan on giving up anytime soon! Especially not with so many nice people reviewing! Well, actually you're right, but there are two reasons why this is all so complicated: First - I didn't plan the story further than chapter six and Second - I'm evil and like to torture Sirius, because I love making it all good later. You know, 'patting him on the head' and so on. ;)  
  
A.Dee: Thanks for reviewing! Not Sirius-friendly? Well, I guess you're right, authors who do such horrible things to their main- and favorite- charakters simply aren't friendly. But I'll make it good, promise!  
  
Someone Reading: Thank you! Joining the circus? Hm, sounds like a good idea to me . . . Anyway, you needn't worry, I've a beta now, so if it's still unbearable to read you can blame her! ;) I'm still here for any flames concering Sirius-torture. The reason for the stone-idea being a bit foggy is that I don't really know what exactly it is either - I already said it, I didn't plan this story very far. (Should start thinking up a good explanation, though, shouldn' I?) 'bout Dumbledore - I just wrote him that way because I don't understand him. That man's a riddle to me! As for the voices - interesting idea indeed . . . Ok, I'll go on torturing Remmy and Siri now. Oh, and thanks so much for the nice song! ;)  
  
noraseyes: Thanks! Hope you like this chapter, too!  
  
Lisande: Thanky muchy for reviewing(y?)! 'cause I wouldn't - ok, maybe . . . Stupid stone, I think that thing knows more about the plot than me! Yeah, I visit the site regulary, the pics are just great!  
  
Nicola: Thanks for reviewing! Hope you like this chapter, too! Read 'Runaway' already? Piece of Sirius-torture even I like! (Though it's my own . . .)  
  
mette: Thank YOU! I'm glad you liked it, but are you so sure, that he's out? *evil grin* But I'll try not to let you wait so long next time!  
  
karno-L: Thanks! I already said it: Are you SURE about Siri being free? *even eviler grin* But the idea with Remus-torture isn't bad, I'll keep it in mind! ;)  
  
Hpfan1928: Thanks for reviewing! Well, if you liked it so far I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, too!  
  
Alright, and here's the fun-part: Chapter 20 - Long Way Home! Enjoy!  
  
Long Way Home  
  
The hallway was dark. Only at the end there was a slight orange shimmer, probably cast by a torch. Padfoot hurried towards it. He knew that he didn't have much time and that he needed to get out as fast as possible.  
  
The floor was wet and slippery, and his leg was killing him. He already felt cold and exhausted, but fear and despair were driving him on. He reached a fork. Skidding to a halt he peered down both ways carefully, ears straining to hear the smallest sound.  
  
Both dark, both cold, both wet, no clue which might lead where to. He gave an inwardly sigh 'Well, you didn't expect the walls to be plastered with signs, did you?', a corner of his mind sneered. He told it to shut up and thought. Then he remembered the bloke that had come to him. Going back to sniff what he smelled like would cost too much time, so he decided to go on the freshest track he could find.  
  
He sniffed his way around a good ten minutes, when he reached a bigger fork. The scents mingled here, leading and coming from all directions. His pulse quickened and he strained his ears while thinking furiously. What should he do now?  
  
Snape. He was most likely to leave the Lair frequently; maybe following his track would get him out. At least he didn't need to worry about finding the scent, he knew exactly what the git smelled like. Nose to the floor and ears perked he worked his way down the hallway.  
  
It wasn't long before he heard voices and footsteps echoing down the hall. Someone was coming towards him. Glancing around quickly he spotted a small niche about ten feet from him. As quietly as he could the black dog crammed himself in the small space and waited.  
  
His heart was pounding in his throat, as if trying to skip out of his mouth. He wondered if the bypassers would hear it. The voices drew nearer. Padfoot closed his eyes, praying that the dark fur would melt into the wall he was pressing up at.  
  
"- so if he's reliable then why is he taking so long? Surely he doesn't spoon-feed Black?"  
  
He would've recognised that sneer everywhere. Lucius Malfoy was striding down the hall, and though he was wearing a mask Padfoot could tell that his face was screwed up in anger. The slightly smaller figure beside him just ducked it's head, seemingly intimidated by the higher ranking Death Eater.  
  
'They're coming for me!', jumped into Padfoot's mind, but though the panic rising in his chest he forced himself to freeze and not to catch their attention. He was lucky. Malfoy, obviously too focused on his anger and the other, scared speechless, walked right past him. Padfoot thanked the gods that the hall was so dark.  
  
When he was sure that they were out of hearing range he hurried down the hallway, ears trying desperately to catch any sound apart from his slightly ragged breath. Just a few minutes now and Malfoy would discover him gone. The Death Eater wasn't stupid, he'd be able to figure that their prisoner couldn't be far.  
  
He scurried down another hall, pressing himself to the wall in the hope that bypassers wouldn't see him immediately. Snape's scent was getting fainter and fainter, drowned by all the other smells layering the ground here. This was a frequently used path.  
  
An echo chimed down the hall and Padfoot knew that they'd just discovered the unconscious Death Eater. Why the hell hadn't he taken his wand? He was so dead.  
  
Suddenly his nose picked a rather new track. It was the Potions Master's and it led into a slightly smaller hall on the right of the main way he was using now. Figuring that this was his only chance he turned the corner just in time to flee Malfoy's eyes as he came racing down the hall.  
  
He followed Snape's path as fast as possible, nose sticking to the ground and heart thundering in his chest. He was dimly aware of the pain rushing through his system and the exhaustion, threatening to take him over.  
  
And suddenly the track was gone. He jumped slightly, fearing that his panic had slipped off his attention. But a few feet back he could still trace Snape's scent and at this point it was suddenly gone. He ran around in a circle for a few minutes, desperately trying to figure out what was happening here.  
  
And then the lingering prickle of magic overwhelmed his sensitive nose. Of course, he'd Apparated from here! Padfoot looked around desperately. He needed a wand to Apparate. He'd come so far!  
  
The voices were back. His heart did a fliflop as he realised that they were searching for him. Over the yells he could hear Malfoy, ordering to block every way out. If he didn't get a wand in the next two minutes his chance would be gone!  
  
Suddenly the world seemed to become much quieter. Padfoot just now realised that he'd been holding his breath and let it out slowly. This was his chance, he knew what to do.  
  
Feeling much calmer suddenly he slowly went back to where the smaller hall met the main, careful not to draw any attention to himself. He ducked low in the shadows and waited. His heart was still pounding furiously and the adrenaline rushing through his veins urged him to move, but he forced himself still, concentrating on his own heartbeat.  
  
In slow motion, as if somebody was playing a film, a Death Eater ran past him at a snake's crawl, wand outstretched and ready to hex. Padfoot pounced.  
  
His jaws clenched around the robed arm, he could feel bones snap under his teeth and a cry of pain wailed in his ears. Paralysed by pain and surprise the Death Eater dropped his wand and just stared. That was what Padfoot had been waiting for.  
  
In the break of a second he transformed back into man and grabbed the fallen wand. Shouts arose from behind him, but he dived back into the smaller hall as fast as he'd jumped out of it. Ignoring the throbbing pain in both his arm and head he raced down the dimly lit hall, panic spurting him on.  
  
Curses and hexes were flying past his ears and a Reductor-Curse missed him by a hair's width. He could practically feel the magic crimping his hair as he flew towards the spot from where Snape had Apparated.  
  
Suddenly a jet of light caught him in the legs, sending searing pain up his body. He stumbled and fell, crashing to the floor face-first.  
  
(A/N: I was tempted to end the chapter here.)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Professor Dumbledore stood behind his desk and let his gaze drift over the school grounds. Hagrid was roaming in the pumpkin patch and the Gryffindor Quidditch team was practising under the watchful eye of Madam Hooch. The sky was stacked with heavy snow clouds, casting dark shadows.  
  
He sighed and turned around to face his pet phoenix, Fawkes. The scarlet and gold bird looked back at him with beady eyes, as if watching it's master disapprovingly. The old wizard sat down in his armchair and regarded the Phoenix with grave expression.  
  
"I couldn't tell them, you know that."  
  
He let out another heavy sigh and let his eyes stray back to the window. Fawkes gave a soft cry and rose in the air. With a few elegant wingflaps he soared over to Dumbledore and landed gracefully on his shoulder. The Headmaster reached up and stroked the sparkly feathers.  
  
"I just hope I wasn't wrong this time."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus was pacing his quarters once more. The action was beginning to wear him out and his legs began to ache slightly. He hadn't slept for two nights. The sky was darkening and clouds hovered past his window, adding to his depressed mood.  
  
Giving in the ache in his muscles he flopped down in a cushioned armchair. They had heard nothing, nothing at all, since Snape had last seen Sirius. Dumbledore's reaction still clenched his stomach, and the emotional turmoil he was in made everything even worse.  
  
Remus let his head fall back and closed his eyes for a few moments. His head hurt. He was tired. And he couldn't stop his stomach wrenching at the thought of Sirius and where he was. He needed something to do. He couldn't just sit there and do nothing!  
  
He found himself fingering for his wand but remembered once again that Sirius had it. Had had it, he reminded himself bitterly. He just wished it had brought him more luck. His hands seemed to be restless, he was kneading his fingers now, to keep them occupied. If there just was something he could do.  
  
His right hand strayed away once more as he let his thoughts wander. He was jerked back to reality however as his fingers brushed over something hard and cool. With a frown he dug deeper in his pocket and pulled out a small mirror. For a moment he stared at it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
With a cry of pain Sirius went down, crushing to the floor face first. There was a sickening snap-like noise as a second jolt of fire raced through his leg. Behind him Malfoy screamed another curse, he felt the jet of light rushing past his head, heatening the air around. He heard the Death Eater starting to cry another incantation.  
  
'NO!', his mind screamed and with a last desperate wrench he dragged himself over to THIS spot, concentrated hard, wave the wand and - Apparated.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
With a stomach-turning 'thud' Sirius landed at the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. Pain was burning through both his leg and arm. A pounding headache prevented him to move his head any further and so he just lay there in the snow and stared.  
  
He had escaped.  
  
Taking a deep breath and letting it out shakily he blankly gazed into the forest, shocked. He really had managed to flee. He had gotten out. He was free. The panic, that had been swelling in his ribcage like a giant balloon and threatened to tear him apart was gone, replaced by an odd warm and light feeling.  
  
'I need to get away.'  
  
The words dimly flashed through his hurting head and it took some time to let them sink in, but slowly his senses came back to him. He couldn't stay here. They'd probably know that he'd try to get as near to Hogwarts as possible. He still wasn't save.  
  
He moved to roll over when a blinding jolt of pain forced him back down to the cold ground. His leg was definitly broken again and his injured arm would make it even for Padfoot impossible to get through the forest and into the castle. For he'd just realised that he'd Apparated to the opposite outskirts of the Forbidden Forest.  
  
'Damn!', he thought angrily. 'Why me? Why now? Why at all?!' Pain and exhaustion had worn on him the last few hellish days and he already felt himself tire. The cold wasn't helping. With great effort he dragged himself over to the nearest tree and collapsed in its cover.  
  
It was hard to keep his eyes open and his mouth was dry. He needed something to drink. He looked at the snow, wondering, but freezing himself by eating snow probably wasn't a very good idea. 'I'll save the option for later.', he thought dryly.  
  
Suddenly he became aware of something hard poking into his side. He twisted slightly to see if it was a root, grunting as the pain sparkled up once more. Frowning he slid his left hand in his pocket - and drew out a small mirror.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A shimmer darted over the smooth surface. Like in trance Remus picked up a quill lying on the nearby table and hastily wrote the password on it. Lines formed onto the shiny plain, forming a single word.  
  
'Help!'  
  
'Padfoot' appeared under the message. His heart jumped into his throat and began thundering loudly. His hand shook as he carefully wrote 'Where are you?' onto the mirror, scribbling his friend's nickname beneath the note. Anxiously he waited for a reply. The seconds were dragging by -  
  
'Opposite end of Forest. Can't move. Hurry, they're coming!'  
  
This was even more unnerving than the first message and suddenly he found himself on his feat and running towards the door. He stopped dead when a thought crossed his mind. Sirius had his wand. Or had had it. He couldn't go out there without wand, when Sirius needed help and they would probably be forced to defend themselves.  
  
Turning on his heel he stormed over to the fireplace, throwing a pinch of glittering powder into the flames.  
  
"Snape, I need you. Now! I've Sirius!"  
  
Then he quickly bent over the mirror, scribbling his reply and the address, hoping desperately that they wouldn't be too late.  
  
'We're coming! Hold on!'  
  
When he turned around Snape was standing in front of him, eyes alert and expression stony. Remus didn't say anything, just grabbed his cloak and nearly flew out of the room. The Potions Master followed immediately.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He was cold. After having received Remus' last note he'd wrapped himself into his cloak and cuddled under the tree, trying to stay warm. He felt awful; so helpless and vulnerable. There was still the fear lurking in the back of his mind, asking what he'd do if Malfoy found him first. He ignored it.  
  
Over and over again did he catch himself falling asleep. He forced his eyes open and concentrated on a bird sitting on a nearby twig. It didn't work. After a while his eyes slid shut again.  
  
Why couldn't he just sleep? He felt so tired and peaceful. With the cold the pain had stopped and he was wonderfully numb. Nothing to feel, nothing to worry about, just sleep and rest . . .  
  
A/N: And? Good, bad, cruel, nice, lame, unbearable? I don't really care what you think, what I care about is HEARING IT FROM YOU! The end is still open and maybe I'll get inspired by the next review telling me to kill Sirius or something. (Who knows how JK got the idea, we wouldn't've thought it possible before, right?) *evil grin*  
  
Don't worry, I won't do anything stupid! (At least not THAT stupid!) But I'd still like to know what you think! See you all next chapter!  
  
lara 


	21. Rescue

Hello everybode, it's me again! And I've brought a new chapter along for you! Isn't that nice? :) I think so! Ok, thanks to all my wonderful reviewres, and an even bigger thanks to my beta Lisande!  
  
siriuslovergirl1: Thank you! Wow, so many reviews! Well, most of them answered themselves, so what is there left to say for me? I really hope you like this chapter!  
  
A.Dee: Thans for reviewing! Yes, very Sirius-friendly, isn't it? And he deserves so much better! Don't worry, I won't do such a thing. But I have to admit, that I planned to end the story soon. But there's a new one under construction already! :)  
  
Someone Reading: Thanks for your review! Now really! Would I do such an awful thing? As a Sirius-fan in denial? Ok, it's not like you have no reason to worry, I know I'm evil *ducks head* But I won't do THIS! Sorry, if I caused bad dreams, really didn't want that. Hope you like this chapter as well! (And thanks for reviewing to 'Runaway, too! I'm glad you liked it!)  
  
:) : Thank you! Cool name! *grins* Would love to hear more of you soon!  
  
Nicola: Thank YOU! It's SO nice to hear that people like it! :) I know I kept you waiting really long, but I hope you're still reading!  
  
Ok, now here's the next chapter: Enjoy!  
  
Rescue  
  
Remus raced down the lawn to the gates, Snape tailing a few feet behind him. His heart was pounding in his ears. 'Don't let us be too late, please don't let us be too late!' The thought consumed his mind as he ran forward, ignoring the ache growing in his legs. Behind him he could hear Snape panting.  
  
As soon as he skidded past the winged boars guarding the entrance gates to the school grounds he whipped out the wand Dumbledore had been able to get him as temporary replacement. With a swish of robes he Apparated, knowing that the Potions Master was following short.  
  
They Apparated to the opposite side of the school grounds and the neighbouring Forbidden Forest. Remus gave an impatient sigh as the outskirts of the Forest stretched before him in a long line, nearly reaching the hilly horizon. Then he started running again. Sirius wasn't far inside the Forest; they should be able to see him.  
  
He didn't dare calling for his friend, fearing to draw the attention of Death Eaters, that might be searching for Sirius as well, to them. For once he was glad to be a werewolf, being able to use heightened senses of hearing and smelling. Even if it would be difficult in this cold, it was better than nothing.  
  
Suddenly he caught a movement behind one of the trees. He stopped dead in his tracks, resulting in Snape bumping into him and sending them both into the snow.  
  
"Watch it, Lupin!", he snarled as he quickly got to his feet again, brushing the snow of his robes. Remus stood as well and ignored him. His eyes were trained on the tree he'd seen the movement behind. Carefully he walked towards it, wand at the ready and ears straining for any sound. Snape wisely stayed behind; he, too, had his wand out.  
  
He could see the hem of a dark robe, then a shoulder poking out from behind the massive trunk. "Sirius!" With a few strides he was beside his friend, kneeling next to him. His eyes were closed and he was frighteningly pale. Frantically Remus felt over his neck, trying to find a pulse. He let out a relieved breath when he finally found it, weak but there. Snape stepped up behind him, a sinister expression on his face. He knelt down beside the unconscious man as well, checking for injuries and scowling even darker as he took a good look at Sirius' arm. Remus winced as he saw the ruined limp, skin torn and bloody.  
  
He swallowed and silently waved his wand, conjuring a blanket out of thin air. With Snape's help he sat the Animagus up and wrapped him into it. The Potions Master stood, conjured a stretcher and levitated the limp form onto it with a gentleness Remus hadn't believed him capable of. Together they set off back to the  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Madam Pomfrey was near a heart attack as the two men came marching into the infirmary, the stretcher floating behind them. She ushered Snape out as soon as she'd caught sight of him with a request to mix up a few potions she'd need and chased Remus up to the Headmaster's office to inform him of Sirius' flight and rescue.  
  
Then she turned her attention to the unconscious Animagus, who was still hovering on the stretcher in mid-air. She pulled out her wand and carefully levitated him to one of the beds near the windows. With another swish of her wand she placed hangings around the bed.  
  
Shaking her head sadly she started to inspect his injuries and began to clean him from the layers of dirt he'd collected during his capture. His hair was a tangled greasy mess and half of his gaunt face was covered in filth. Bruises covered his chest and abdomen.  
  
By the time Remus returned with the Headmaster she had him cleaned up and tucked under the blanket. Against her protests the werewolf rushed to his friend's bedside. Dumbledore put a placating hand on her arm. She huffed disapprovingly, but left the two alone and withdrew to her office.  
  
Dumbledore stood behind Remus, patiently waiting for the werewolf to turn his attention to him. After a while, the light brown eyes settled on him in a silent invitation to take a seat as well and with a small smile Dumbledore complied. They sat in silence for a while. Eventually Remus decided to speak.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
The old wizard remained silent for a few moments. He knew what his former student and professor was asking about. With a sigh he settled back in his chair and regarded Sirius' limp form on the bed with an odd expression.  
  
"Mundungus contacted me shortly after I sent Snape on his way. He said that the new wards didn't work. He'd been trying to track the Death Eaters, which had been in contact with them, but couldn't find anything. While searching however he found out something else.  
  
"The spells we used to create the ward must've been connected wrongly. Somehow they now can absorb small amounts of magical energy and increase them. And emit them again."  
  
Remus frowned at the Headmaster. That didn't really answer his questions. Or did it? The pieces slowly puzzled themselves together as he thought about it.  
  
"You mean one could 'load' the ward and then fire the energy on somebody again . . . by . . . by contact? Like . . . like a Portkey reacts on touch?" Dumbledore nodded slowly. "Exactly. Mundungus told me that, after he'd inspected the wards with Arabella for a while and touched them again, he'd received something resembling to an electric shock. He had to let Arabella spoon-feed him, because both his hands remained numb for the rest of the day."  
  
The Headmaster chuckled softly and after a moment Remus joined him. The image was nothing but hilarious. The door to the Hospital Wing creaked and Snape stepped in, carrying a tray with several vials and glass bottles which undoubtedly contained the potions Madam Pomfrey had asked him for.  
  
As if she'd been waiting right behind her office door all the time the mediwitch swept by and ushered the Potions Master to the side after taking the requested potions and draughts from him. For a moment Snape hovered in the background, uncertain if he was still needed, but seeing that Madam Pomfrey's scowl was matching his own now he slipped out of the infirmary again.  
  
Both Remus and Dumbledore stayed by the Animagus' bedside unwavering. The mediwitch said nothing, but started applying a thick, bright orange liquid on his right arm. The stuff began to hiss and smoke on the mangled skin. Remus watched the wound in alarm, but seeing Pomfrey's calm expression he relaxed slightly.  
  
After the hissing noises had subsided she wiped the wound clean with a cloth and poured the next potion onto the wound. After she had pulled most of the substance, that Snape had called 'Dementor's Blood', out of his system with an ordinary poison extractor, she disinfected the gash and dressed it in crisp linen.  
  
The rest of the injuries were tended quickly and after half an hour of silent work Madam Pomfrey drew back to her office, obviously in better mood than before. Remus watched his friend sleep.  
  
Sirius had lost weight since his capture and his face was more sunken in than ever. His skin looked papery and pale as the sheets and the abnormal motionlessness the Animagus lay on the bed with unnerved him. Sensing that the werewolf needed some time alone with his friend Dumbledore got up.  
  
"I will see you later, Remus. You know where I am in case something happens." He said quietly and laid his hand on the younger man's shoulders. With a grateful smile Remus looked up at him and watched him go. Then he turned around to Sirius again. This was going to be a long night again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Harry was wandering the castle aimlessly. Quidditch practise had ended nearly half an hour ago. But instead of returning to Gryffindor tower he walked down the hall, lost in thought. Ron and Hermione were probably waiting for him, but right now he needed some time for himself.  
  
During practice Angelina had scolded him several times for not paying attention. Fred had saved him from a bludger speeding into his direction, frowning at Harry. When he'd been circling the pitch and didn't notice the Snitch hovering right over his head, Angelina had told him to go to the Hospital wing, for he was obviously not ok.  
  
Harry of course knew the reason why he'd been distracted, but he had taken good care not to give away anything. He couldn't very well tell them that his godfather, who was an escaped ex-convict and supposed murderer, had been captured by Death Eaters, could he?  
  
So he now shuffled past a few bored portraits and suits of armour. The cloudy sky outside had begun to strew fluffy white snowflakes. Harry dug his hands in the pockets of his Quidditch robe and watched the pictures at the wall. As he sauntered around a corner he caught sight of the portrait of Sir Cadogan. The slightly crazed knight had guarded Gryffindor tower in his third year and let Sirius in with Neville's stolen passwords.  
  
Sirius. Harry sighed sadly as he watched the knight sit propped up against his fat pony, snoring loudly and tried to ignore the heavy feeling settling in his chest. If he'd just let them kill Wormtail in the Shrieking Shack that night . . . his godfather would be free and Voldemort would have never been resurrected.  
  
Suddenly he heard footsteps echoing down the lone corridor and a moment later Fred and George Weasley came around the corner. Two red pairs of eyebrows rose at him in surprise.  
  
"Harry, here you are!"  
  
"We thought you were swallowed by the floor!"  
  
"Why aren't you in the hospital wing?"  
  
Harry stood there, wondering what they were talking about for a moment. "I - erm, I thought that a - a walk would do me a bit good?" He mentally kicked himself for not telling them a better lie. As notorious pranksters they'd smell he wasn't telling the truth a mile against the wind.  
  
Of course he was right. Fred stepped forward with a sceptical expression on his face and ignored the sleepy grunt from a wakening Sir Cadogan. George mirrored his frown perfectly. "Come on, Harry, what bugs you? I mean even a blind could tell that you're worrying about something!"  
  
Harry hummed and hawed nervously. He couldn't tell them about Sirius, but they probably wouldn't let him go until he gave an answer. After five years he knew Fred and George. There was a squealing noise as the knight in the picture got to his feet and adjusted his visor.  
  
"What are you making this racket for, you mangy mutts? Can't a gentleman take a nap without being disturbed by a lot of fuss making bastards?"  
  
Both the twins ignored him and kept their worried gazes trained on their team-mate. Harry wasn't in the mood for explaining himself. He set off in vague direction of the infirmary. Knowing that Fred and George would follow him suit. He was right.  
  
"Look, maybe you're right. I'm not feeling so well, I think I'll go up to Madam Pomfrey."  
  
He still had the shallow hope that they would leave him alone. They didn't. With Harry between them the twins led the way to the Hospital Wing through a maze of hidden passageways and short cuts. Harry wondered dimly if he would feel ill enough when they arrived. The churn in his stomach was a positive answer.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Remus was rocking in his chair slightly as he held the Animagus' hand. Sirius was still unconscious and the mediwitch had predicted that he probably wouldn't wake up for a few more hours. For him it was the best anyway, seeing that he needed rest. The werewolf wisely didn't object.  
  
A few voices talking outside the door caught his attention. He turned in the uncomfortable Hospital chair and glimpsed through the slightly parted curtains around Sirius' bed. The door was thrown open and the Weasley twins whirled in, pulling Harry through the door behind them.  
  
"Listen George, I'll just wait here for her, alright? I'm not going to faint if you leave me alone."  
  
One of the twins shrugged while the other looked a bit sceptical. "All right, if you insist. We're out for you-know-what then, ok?" George cast a meaningful glance at Harry. With that the door opened again and the two vanished, identical smirks on their faces.  
  
Harry sighed and shook his head. He seemed to wonder if he could go now without being dragged back in by Fred and George. Remus had to smile.  
  
"Harry? Come over and look who's with us again."  
  
The warm voice made the teen jump two feet into the air before he turned to his former professor, startled. Then a smile spread over his face, mixed with joy and anxiety. He jogged over to the bed and stepped through the curtain Remus was holding aside for him.  
  
He inhaled sharply and the next moment he was by his godfather's side, holding his hand and sitting down on Remus' chair. The werewolf smiled and got himself another chair before taking a seat next to Harry.  
  
"How long has he been here?" Harry asked without taking his eyes from Sirius'sleeping face.  
  
"About an hour, I think. Professor Snape and I found him outside." Remus watched Harry's expression closely. "Don't worry, I think he'll be alright soon enough." He filled the teen in on what had happened the last few hours, trying to cheer Harry up.  
  
"Are you sure he'll be ok?" Harry frowned and looked up at his former teacher with worried eyes. Remus nodded reassuringly.  
  
"Madam Pomfrey diagnosed blood loss and a hypothermia. He's also a bit undernourished, but it's nothing a long rest and some good food can't tend." He thought about telling Harry about the blood the Death Eaters had injected in his system and that they didn't know how it worked and if Sirius' mental shape would be affected.  
  
But he decided against it. There was no need to upset Harry even more and if there really was something to worry about he could always tell the boy later. For now they could just wait for the Animagus to wake up.  
  
"Do you think he -" Harry began but was cut off by a faint moan from Sirius' direction.  
  
A/N: Man, that sucks! Everytime I upload a new chapter, I'm pissed by the way the layout turns out! It looks so good in 'Words'! *sigh*  
  
Ok, no use in whining now. But a nice review would be VERY useful! No matter what you have to say, I want to hear it! So please review!  
  
I mentioned it already: There won't be much chapters in the future, for I'm as good as done with the story! No need to cry, look at it from the positive side: I won't torture Sirius (too much), I won't kill him, I won't do anything else stupid, because I want my charakters to enjoy the end (they really earned it!) And of course I'll have much time to write a new story  
  
- which is already under construction! Stay tuned for my first AU!  
  
lara 


	22. Back

UPDATE!!! Finally, I managed to finish the next chapter! Really, you have no idea how hard I struggled this time.

I'm really sorry, that you all had to wait for so long, but now that school's started again I've no time for nothing, really. The worst thing is, that we have a new English teacher, and that she doesn't tolerate students who aren't clinging to her lips for every word she speaks. God damn the woman!

So that means, that English lessons (were most of this story was written) aren't free for fanfics anymore, and that brings me in a real trouble. I hope you understand, if I'm not able to update once a week, so please hang on if it takes time again!

Thans to Lisande for beta-reading and encouraging me and toTurelie Telcontar for helping me with the layout! Do you like it?

And now a big thanks to all reviewers:

mette: Thank you! Hope you like this chapter, too!

Turelie Telcontar: Thank you so much for the tip with the html-format! Thanks to you the layout finally worked out the way I wanted it to! *jumps into air happily* Don't worry, I don't plan to use that stuff on him any time soon!

karno-L: Thanks for reviewing! Well, yes I plan to finish it soon. But don't worry, there's a new (and much better planned) story waiting for you!

noraseyes: Thanks for your review! 'm really sorry, but I won't write much more. The story's as good as finished. But hey, that doesn't mean I'll never write anything again! Quite the opposite!

Sylvia: Thank you for reviewing! I hope you're still reading, considering how long you had to wait this time. Actually I don't really know how to finish, all I know is, that it will be soon! And see it from my point: If there was a '...they lived happiely ever after' I wouldn't have things to write fanfics about. If you don't understand everything, it's probably my fault. I didn't plan the whole story further than the fourth chapter. I just thought something up for the next chapter, I think that's why some things don't really fit. Sorry! :)

Someone Reading: Thanks for reviewing! Yes, it's almost over. And don't worry, I won't torture sirius in the last chapters. He gets his well-earned 'patted-on-the-head' part. Don't worry about stories, I'm already working on the next ans I promise that it's going to be good. Althought you'll have to wait a bit more! Please hang on!

Sally Lupin-Black: Thank YOU! Yes, he'll get a few nice cosy, somewhat mushy comfort scenes with Remus before the end. And then you can look forward for the next fic!

Ok, and now to your well-earned next chapter! Enjoy!

****

**Back**

****

Rapt both Harry and Remus watched as Sirius shifted on the bed and creaked his eyes open. Slowly he blinked blearily in dim the light. His gaze was slightly unfocused and he didn't seem to recognise them. Harry reached over and gently took his hand.

"Sirius?" he asked quietly, his expression tense. His godfather looked up at him, blinking rapidly and finally he focused his eyes on the teen. Relieve washed through his features and his cracked lips curved into a small smile. He opened his mouth and feebly tried to raise his head, but Remus pushed him back into the pillows.

"Whatever you have to tell, it can wait. You had us really worried, my friend."

He tried to keep a stern face, but couldn't hide the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. Harry was looking at his godfather with a similar expression and the scolding look he gave him made the smile on Remus' face grow even wider. Sirius looked at him, his tired eyes mutely telling how sorry he was.

Again he tried to speak, but all that came out was dry rasp, followed by a coughing fit. Remus wanted to reach for him and turn him on the side so he wouldn't choke. But to his surprise Harry acted quicklier. He pulled Sirius' shoulder and let him lean over the bed, kneeling beside and waiting for the coughing to subside. After the Animagus had stopped gasping for breath he passed him a glass of water, carefully assisting Sirius in holding it up. 

After sipping some of the cool liquid Sirius let himself fall back on the pillows exhausted, still lying on his side. Harry rested an arm on the matresse next to him and put his head on it. Sirius was smiling tiredly, and as their foreheads touched Remus felt that it was time to go. He slipped out and decided to come back later.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Harry felt his chest swell with happiness, like a giant balloon that threated to explode. He couldn't dress the feelings in words, so he simply smiled at his godfather, overjoyed to have Sirius back. Sirius stared right back, but his eyes looked at him sadly.

'I'm sorry.' he mouthed, his brow furrowing slightly as he watched his godson guiltily. But Harry only shook his head and kept smiling.

"I'm just glad to have you back." he whispered, the balloon finally bursting and tears forming in his eyes. Tears of joy.

(A/N: If I wouldn't love you folks so much by now, I would've ended it here.)

~*~*~*~*~*~

Remus re-entered the infirmary an hour later to find Sirius asleep and Harry watching him with a content smile. He had to chuckle quietly at the irony. Startled by the tiny noise Harry whirled his head around to look at him. Remus grinned and took a seat next to him. The teen looked at him sheepishly.

"As I see you're taking good care of him."

Harry looked down and re-adjusted his glasses. Shyly he nodded. "I really missed him." he said with a small smile. 

"We all did, believe me." He looked up at his former professor with a doubtful expression.

"Even Snape?"

Remus folded his hands in his lap and rocked his chair lightly. "He'll torture me in the most gruesome ways possible and let me die in great pain, if I ever tell you." He sighed dramatically. "I guess I'll take the secret to the grave."

Harry stared at him for a moment before snorting with supressed laugter. Remus looked around as if checking that the gloomy Potions Master wasn't standing behind him. Harry pressed a hand to his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. 

Whipping tears from the corners of his eyes he shakily asked: "Can I tell Sirius?"

Remus eyes widened in shock and this time the teen couldn't tell if it was an act or not. The werewolf shook his head with a slightly reddened face. "No, better not. We don't want him masakered by Snape after we finally have him back, just because he might think dear Severus needs a review, do we?"

Harry tilted his head as if thinking hard, then agreed. "No, it's better if you guard the secret until your death."

~*~*~*~*~*~

The cell was dark. He tried to adjust his eyes to the pitch-black night surrounding him, but the darkness didn't thin out. It was totally still; not a single sound could be heard in the tiny room. His ears started to hurt under the pressure. He wrapped his arms around himself and waited. He didn't know what for, but there was nothing else he could do.

The darkness seemed to come closer and corner him; with a shudder he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the growing anxity in his chest. What was going on? His body began to tremble; he hadn't even realized that it was cold in the room. 

The soundless dark around him was like a thick, black blanket, pressing down on him and forcing the air out of his lungs. Suffocating him slowly. He tried to calm his racing heart and drew in a deep breath. The air slowly flowed in like a thick liquid, lazily winding down his windpipe. It didn't care that his panic grew with each passing second.

His chest felt empty and the harder he tried the more impossible it seemed to breath. As if somebody was pressing a pillow onto his face. The silence was unbearable now and he dimly wondered if he would break under its weight. He kept fighting for breath.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The noise of footsteps echoed around him and he twisted around to find out where the sounds where coming from. Hope flickered in the back of his mind. Thick darkness pressed onto his eyes while the tapping noise aproached.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

His head began to feel dizzy, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving him to die slowly on suffocation.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Remus sat in the chair and watched his friend sleep. After talking to Harry for a while Madam Pomfrey had bustled in to shoo them away and let her patient alone. At the treat of loosing fifty house points Harry had started to back up, still highly reluctant to leave Sirius' side. 

Fortunately Remus wouldn't have to worry about house points and after promising Harry that he'd stay with his godfather, the teen had gone backto the dorm rooms. On the other side was backtaling to the matron a very bad idea and for a moment he'd earnestly wondered if he was going to live through the acidly hissed triade she'd given him. Never mess with an overprotective medi-witch.

With a sigh Remus sat back and silently reviewed the last days. For him it had felt more like years. The joy of having his friend back warmed him to the tips of his fingers. He winced slightly as he remembered the reason for Sirius' outburst and the following drama. 

"Stop blaming all this shit on yourself, it doesn't help anyone! It won't bring James back to you if you play the martyr's part!!!"

Sirius' shocked expression and his aprupt leave had been the last things he'd seen. It was only now that he remembered them so clearly. Trying to ignore the guilty sting in his chest didn't work and soon the content feeling of having Sirius back had ebbed away totally. Had Sirius been thinking about that the last few days?

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The footsteps stopped right before him, but he couldn't see anything through the thick curtain of utter darkness. His eyes hurt, but he didn't dare to close them. Breath in. Breath out. In. Out. In. Out. 

Slowly his heart came back to a steady rhythm. He forced himself to take deep breaths. Now total silence pressed painfully onto his ears again. Slowly he felt around, but his hands only found thin air. Still shivers run down his spine and he could practically feel somebody standing near him.

"Hello?" 

His voice was swallowed by the stillness without the slightest trace of an echo. He winced as the air around him moved slightly, as if somebody was walking around him. No answer.

"Is there anybody?"

This time cold air rushed past him and ruffled his hair. He shivered. The darkness was pressing down on him with nearly unbearable force. His breath hitched in his throat and he quickly forced himself to breath evenly. 

"Please, is there anybody? Help!"

A cold hand touched his shoulder. He froze in shock, not daring to turn around. Again the air moved in a cool whisp. He was trembling.

"Hello Sirius. Missed me?"

At the quiet whisper he turned around.

And stared at James. 

His friend was staring right back, hair messy as ever and glasses slightly askew. His face was pale and expressionless, his icy hand still on Sirius' shoulder. But his eyes bore into Sirius' with a strange red glimmer. Carefully Sirius tried to draw back, but the hand on his shoulder tightened painfully.

"Did you, Sirius? Miss me, I mean? Did you think about me at all?"

Sirius just stared, unable to speak. His breath came in short, rasped gasps, and his throat hurt from the now ice-cold air. James was still staring at him, the red glow in his eyes growing more and more. Sirius' shoulder started to scream in pain as the bruising grip intensed even more.

"But why should you, after murdering me?"

James leaned in, his nose now touching his friend's. Sirius winced at the nearly painful cold suddenly rushing through his face. Red eyes pierced him with their gaze. His chest felt strangly empty, as if his heart had stopped beating . . .

"No –" he whispered before cold lips lowered on his mouth.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Remus shuddered at the thought that his nasty words nearly had been the last thing Sirius heard in his live. He didn't want to think about what he'd done when he'd lost Sirius because of that. He'd probably have blamed it on himself. No, he sure would have. With a sigh he realized that Sirius had been feeling exactly this way.

Lost in his own thoughts he first didn't consciuosly register the quiet sound coming from the bed. But a chocked whimper from his friend brought him back to reality. In less then a heartbeat he was out of the chair and beside Sirius, gently shaking his shoulder to wake him up. He was obviuosly having a nightmare.

"Sirius. C'mon Sirius, it's just a dream, wake up. Sirius!"

With a gasp Sirius' eyes shot open and his uninjured hand lashed out to fight of his invisible attacker. Remuscaught it in midair before it could box his ears, and pushed the Animagus back down.

Sirius didn't try to fight him, he just stared at the werewolf with dark haunted eyes. He was panting slightly, his thin chest raising and falling rapidly. For a few seconds the two friends stared at each other, not saying anything. Slowly Sirius calmed down, still keeping silent and looking at Remus with a strange expression.

He caught the werewolf completely unaware as he reached out his good arm and pulled Remus to him in a loose hug. With a sigh he burried his face in Remus' shoulder. Carefully the other wrapped his arms around his friend and sat them both up, letting Sirius lean on him for support.

It probably looked stupid with two adults holding each other and rocking slightly back and forth. But he didn't care. He had his friend back, and he prayed that he would never loose him again. Sirius clung to him as well as his injured arm would allow, not caring about how they must look either. It just felt so good to be held. So save.

Remus didn't ask verbally, but they had known each other long enough to communicate without words. He closed his eyes to will the despair and hopelessness when thinking about the last days away and huddled a bit closer to his friend. The body heat was oddly comforting to his aching body.

"I heard James. All the time." he whispered into Remus shoulder, but the werewolf caught the words nonetheless. He started to stroke circles on Sirius' back to sooth the pain. Sirius' tone had told him clearly how much the memory hurt.

"What did he say?" he inquired quietly, his hand rubbing the tense muscles in the small of Sirius' back. The Animagus pressed his face against Remus shoulder and silently fought against the tears welling up in his eyes.

"Hates me. I killed them all. I killed Harry." With great effort he forced the words out. Remus was rocking him like a small child.

"Harry isn't dead. You didn't kill him. You didn't kill anybody."

For a moment there was silence. "I know."

"James would never say something like this."

Again moments passed silently. "No, he wouldn't"

Sirius drew a deep breath and cuddled closer. Remus hand rubbing his back felt good, and he was wonderfully warm. None of them said anything for a while; they just sat there and let the last days pass in their minds.

A/N: All right, I'm as good as finished now. I think there'll be one or two more chapters and then I'll call it a story and start (or go on) with the next one. Yes you read right, the next fic is already started!

That much I can tell you: It'll be called 'Back to Life', feature Sirius (of course, whom else?) a small Harry (!), and much much torture of favorite characters! Until then,

lara


	23. Over the Hill

Ok, I finally managed to finish it! Please, don't glare at me because it's so short, I really worked hard on it! *huddles in corner* Please?

Now, a big thanks to Lisande, who betaed this chapter! And a big thanks to everybody, who sent me a review! You folks are wonderful! :)

Lisande: *grins* Thank you! That's very nice! :)

Turelie Telcontar: Thanks for reviewing! Well, sadly this is the end, but I'll try to come up with the new story, soon, promised! Just hang on! (Schöne Grüße aus Zinna zurück! ;) )

mette: Thank you! Sorry, I know I'm too slowly! I'll try to be better next time, all right? Well, not a sequel, but a new story!

Someone Reading: Thanks! And thabks for the curses, I know a few people who would need some! Well, about the Non-Slash thing: I really like Slash, because some people can write great stories and great characterisations and so I don't think that it matters much if those two people are of the same gender. Not that I think other opinions to that matter are stupid, 'course not! Erm … just wanted to say that. The next story is about Sirius and Remus, too, but it won't be slash, I like their friendship very much, too! But for now Sirius get's his well deserved break! ;)

Sally Lupin-Black: Thank you for reviewing! Sorry, there's not really a huddling-and-rocking-like-a-child scene in this, but the new story will have those … after a few twists … anyway, it's going to be a bit different and it's going to have a PLOT, too! Isn't that great?! I'm making a real effort for my readers here! No, seriously, I'd love to see you on the next fic!

Sylvia: Thank you! Yeah, he seems himself again. Didn't want to put him through more, he's done great considering that it's my first fic! And he even got his happy ending! And you're right, he deserves it!

Egwene: Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you started to read them! Yeah, that was really cruel. I'm not so sure if she's my favorite author anymore. But for cases like that people invented AU's! And that's what I'm going to take advantage of soon! He lives, and I refuse to even think about it another way! Sorry about the missing Harry-Sirius-part, but I was afraid if I started to write the aftermath too big, I'd never bring it to a proper end. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this anyway. All I wanted was to write something about Sirius in pain! (I'm evil, I know …) and it actually wasn' planned further than the first three chapters. But I hope you still like this ending!

sirius the homocidial maniac: Thanks! *hugs back* Hope you had a good night! :) Don't worry 'bout it, I'm glad that you're still reading this! I took very long again, and I'm really sorry!

karno-L: Thank you! *squirms* Err, no, not really, as your question comes a little late. I'm afraid you'll have to wait for the next story – but there will defenitely be much hurt/comfort!

siriuslovergirl11: Thanks for your review! I hope you like the end, and yes, I'm sure that the next story will be even better!

Ok, now have fun with the last chapter!

****

**Over the Hill**

****

The first few rays of sunlight crept over the dawning sky and coloured the heavy clouds in rose and light blue. It was going to snow soon.

Sirius lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. Last night Remus had stayed with him late until Madam Pomfrey had had enough and thrown him out of the Hospital Wing. Both men had wisely kept quiet and not tried to argue. 

And while the medi-witch had furiously told him that it was irresponsible to let him have so many people around him in this state anyway he'd been able to worm his way around the Dreamless Sleep Potion she'd tried to pour down his throat. Maybe his night would've been easier but he didn't want to run away. Not anymore. 

With a small sigh he turned around to watch the rising sun paint twirly patterns across the walls of the Hospital Wing. It was beautiful. After listening for any footsteps from the medi-witch he carefully pushed himself up with his good arm and shakily got to his feet. A wave of dizziness rolled over him and he steadied himself at the nightstand to keep from falling over. 

After a few minutes and some deep breaths the giddiness was reduced to a queasy feeling in his stomach and he trusted himself to walk over to one window and take a look at the outside world.

The grounds were covered with a fluffy white blanket, so were the forest and the lake. From here it didn't look cold and deadly at all. The snow glittered and blinked innocently at him as if inviting him to take a good long run over it. 

For a moment he just stared at it, then he turned slightly and listened for any sounds that might come from Madam Pomfrey's office. But everything around him stayed quiet and undisturbed. A small smile settled on his lips.

He walked back to the bed, trying not to favour his right leg and surprisingly it didn't hurt in the slightest. For a moment he considered putting on more warming clothes, but Padfoot wouldn't feel the difference anyway. Sirius listened hard for any noises again and the next second the big black dog stood in his place. 

Padfoot took the first steps carefully, then tried to stretch the muscles in his back and legs. No pain, not even a slight sting. Satisfied he padded over to the door and nosed it open. The few high windows dimly lighted the hall and still no noise could be heard. Padfoot quickly made his way down the stairs, through a secret tunnel and down another hall until he was standing in the Entrance Hall.

The giant oak front door was more difficult to open, but he refused to change back in his human form and solve the task with only a hospital gown on. If anybody would decide to march into him at that moment he would die from the shame. And after surviving imprisonment by the Dark Lord himself he didn't fancy to find his end in front of a madly laughing Snape or McGonagall. 

Finally he was able to nose his way through a small gap between the two-winged door and stepped into bright sunlight. For a while he just stood there and enjoyed the warm rays on his fur then he experimentally took a few steps through the snow. It wasn't as cold as he'd expected and finding that his body was eagerly responding to the fresh air and the long craved exercise he set off in a light canter.

Some small birds picked in the snow a few feet away and chirped cheerily. Padfoot watched for a moment then he ducked and pounced. In wild run he chased after them and enjoyed the slight pull in his body. Light headed and adrenalin-dazed he romped through the snow, not caring that he was by now looking like somebody had powdered him with flour.

From the castle the fading echo of an angry scream sounded through the crispy air. Seemingly the medi-witch had discovered that he'd gone on a little trip. Padfoot stopped and looked over his shoulder to where a small white figure stood at a window and gestured wildly at him. With a doggy grin he set off again to chase some birds and if dogs could he would've been laughing loudly.

THE END

A/N: So, that's how it ends! Did you like it? If yes, please let me know! Wasn't good? Please let me know, too!

Ok, 'First Try' is complete and I can waste all my energy on 'Back to Life'! I'll start to update the new story, when I'm absolutely sure about the plot and the storyline. That'll probably take some time, but I would love to see all of you reading it, too! (It's going to be great, I promise! ;) ) 

Now, for the next week I'll be in England! And if you're lucky ( and I'm not) I won't be kidnapped by a certain darkhaired man with the habit to turn into a big black dog sometimes, but will come back with some good ideas and another few chapters for 'Back to Life'. I'm not quite sure what I should hope for, but I hope you'll stick with me until then! Bye,

lara


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